Wacky Wednesday -- A Wacky Family Road Trip

Yes, I realize that it's not really Wednesday.  Sorry about that, but I just had to share about our wacky family road trip coming up. 

Now, this is not a road trip with my current family, Brad and Bethany.  Oh, no....this is a road trip with my original family...the family I was born into. 

My cousin's daughter is getting married in DeMotte, Indiana, on Saturday, and we will be making a very quick trip from Arkansas to Indiana this weekend.  "We" refers to my parents, my older brother, and myself.  Bethany has to cheer at the football game Friday night, and she and Brad have tickets for the Razorback game on Saturday.  My brother's family is also involved with other activities, so it turns out that just the two of us will be making the trip with my parents.  Now, the four of us have spent lots of time in the car together, just not for the last two or three decades.  When we were kids, growing up in Wisconsin, we made made many a trip to Indiana and Illinois to visit grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. 

I suppose my brother and I were like most kids riding in the back seat on a road trip to visit Grandma.  Remember, these were the days before flip-down TVs, portable DVD players, Nintendo games, iPods, or even Walkman cassette players.  We basically only had each other to keep ourselves entertained.  We rarely never wore seatbelts, and apparently we had trouble staying on our own side of the seat.  At least I seem to remember my father drawing an imaginary line down the middle of the back seat and threatening us within an inch of our lives if either of us dared cross it.  I can't imagine what we did that annoyed him so.

And for the life of me, when I try to picture in my mind what it's going to be like riding in the car all day with my parents, that's how I still see it.  I see my dad driving and my mom in the passenger seat, and my brother and I, both in our mid-forties now, sitting in the back seat whining about who looked at who.  And then my dad slowing down to a crawl, threatening to make us get out and walk the rest of the way to Indiana. 

That visual picture just tickles me.  I suppose that in reality, my brother and I will do most of the driving, and my parents will be sitting in the back seat or taking turns in the front passenger seat.  However it works out, I'm expecting it to be one wacky, but memorable, road trip.  And maybe my brother and I will even take a turn in the back seat, and play a couple rounds of "Rock Paper Scissors"...just for old times' sake.  As long as he doesn't smack my wrist too hard when I lose.  I don't want to have to walk to Indiana.

Tell About It Tuesday -- Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Truffles

So, maybe you noticed that #184 on my list of "Things That Bring Me Joy" was raw cookie dough.  Besides thinking that was incredibly shallow, you might have also thought that that was very unhealthy.  After all, everybody knows that you're not supposed to eat raw cookie dough ... who wants to come down with a raging case of salmonella?

But, my friends, fear not.  I have found a recipe that makes raw cookie dough healthy!  Well, not exactly healthy, but at least it won't kill you!  (Well, I guess it could, if consumed in massive quantities.)  There are no eggs in it, so at least the risk of salmonella is neutralized.

So, here you go!


INGREDIENTS:
1 cup (2 sticks) butter or margarine at room temperature
3/4 cup white sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1/3 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 cups flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 cup mini semi-sweet chocolate chips
1 14 oz package dark chocolate candy coating chips (I found these at Michael's in Hot Springs, and one package was really not enough...next time, I would get two)

DIRECTIONS:
Beat butter and sugars in a large bowl with an electric mixer on medium speed until light and fluffy.  Beat in milk and vanilla.  In another bowl, combine flour, soda, and salt, and gradually beat it into the first mixture until smooth.  Stir in chocolate chips. 

Cover and chill dough for an hour.

When dough is firm enough to handle, form dough into 1" balls and place on a cookie sheet lined with wax paper.  Place sheet in freezer and let chill for 30 minutes.

Melt chocolate candy coating chips in a double boiler or microwave according to package directions.  Using a fork, dip cookie balls into candy coating to cover.  Return them to the wax paper-lined cookie sheets.  Chill until set.  Store, chilled, in an airtight container for up to one week.


If I was a really good "foodie" blogger, this is where the picture of these irresistable treats would appear.  Unfortunately, they didn't last long enough at our house to be photographed.  :-)

Monday Mourning -- Her Chains Are Gone...She's Been Set Free

In June of 2010, the Anchor of Hope Cancer Ministry was blessed with a new member.  "Miss Joyce", as we all came to call her, shuffled into our meeting room that evening, wearing a denim skirt and white tennis shoes.  Everyone welcomed her, and then listened in fascination as she shared her story. 

She shared with us how she had lost two husbands, both of them to cancer, if I remember correctly.  She then told us that she had been diagnosed with colon and ovarian cancer about a year and a half previously.  I'm going to quote as closely as I can recall what she said (I wish you could hear it in her sweet voice!)..."When I woke up from my surgery, the doctor told me I was terminal.  So, when I came home from the hospital, I started giving away all my stuff.  I was ready to go, and I knew I wouldn't need it anymore.  I gave away my furniture, and my car, and my clothes.  Then I waited for God to take me home.  Now, I've had to get some of my stuff back, because I'm still here a year and a half later.  But I don't have very many clothes, so you'll have to excuse me if I wear the same thing every month.  I know that I'm still terminal, but God knows the end from the beginning, and He is keeping me here for a reason.  And I'm so thankful to Him, because I never have had any pain."

She proceeded to talk about how she shared Christ with all of her doctors and nurses, and all of the other patients in the chemo room every two weeks.  Miss Joyce never missed an Anchor of Hope meeting, unless she was traveling to visit family, and she never failed to encourage every person in the room with her positive attitude and sweet spirit.  And yes, she pretty much always wore that same denim skirt and white tennis shoes.  She never, ever complained, but constantly expressed thankfulness to her Lord.  She always marveled that God had not yet taken her home, but it was obvious to all of us why He was keeping her here ... He blessed people through her.

About six months ago, Miss Joyce went to live with her son and daughter-in-law out of town a little ways and was no longer able to attend our monthly meetings.  I would call her every month to check in with her, and see how our group could pray for her, and she always assured me that she was doing well, that God was still blessing her, and that she knew that she'd be going to Heaven soon.  I talked to her last about two weeks ago, and she was happily shelling peas on the front porch while we visited.  She again acknowledge that she didn't have long on this earth, but that she was so grateful to God for all of His blessings.

This morning, while in the frozen foods aisle at Wal-Mart, I received a text informing me that Miss Joyce passed away yesterday.  After a brief moment of sadness, I was filled with a rush of joy, realizing that she was now in the place she most wanted to be.  The chains of cancer were gone, and she had finally been set free.  I do have to admit, I felt a little twinge of jealousy, too....Can you imagine the glorious reunions she's experiencing right now?  And I know she was greeted with, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

So tonight, in honor of Miss Joyce, who was always counting her blessings, I'm going to share some more of my "1,000 Things that Bring Me Joy" list:

145.  Wildflowers growing on the side of the road (especially Indian Paintbrushes and black-eyed Susans)

146.  Flip calendars

147.  Seeing Bethany all dressed up for prom

148.  Sleeping with the windows open

149.  Hearing a song on the radio that Hannah and I used to listen to on our many trips back and forth to Little Rock

150.  When the sun first breaks through on a cloudy morning

151.  Weeping willow trees

152.  Old, weathered barns

153.  Spider webs sparkling with dew in the mornings

154.  Seeing the dogwood tree planted in Hannah's memory at our church

155.  Planning and pulling off a surprise birthday party for Bethany

156.  A new haircut

157.  DVRs

158.  A new pair of sunglasses

159.  Finishing Bethany's leaf collection project

160.  Reading the same book as Bethany and discussing it with her

161.  Mississippi Mud Cake

162.  Sunflowers turning toward the sun

163.  Approaching a stoplight just as it turns green

164.  The sound of ocean waves

165.  Sand between my toes

166.  The sound of seagulls

167.  The smell of salt water

168.  Walking along the beach with my husband

169.  Coming home after a vacation (I bet you can guess where we went!)

170.  Back to school shopping with Bethany

171.  The first day of school (when I don't have to work and I'm home alone!)

172.  Hearing about Bethany's day the afternoon of the first day of school

173.  Getting an unexpected package in the mail

174.  Listening to Bethany and Brad talk about basketball

175.  Not having to pick Bethany up from school, practice, etc., anymore because she can now drive herself (although I do miss it a little bit!)

176.  Being the only person in the check-out line at Wal-Mart

177.  My new Tervis Tumbler from Lifeway that says "Count Your Blessings"

178.  That feeling right after you sneeze

179.  A good-fitting pair of jeans

180.  Pre-ordering the new Casting Crowns CD on iTunes

181.  "Peach Bellini" hand soap from Bath & Body Works (It smells like sugar-encrusted peach slices.)

182.  Bob's shoes (a cheaper version of Tom's shoes)

183.  Air conditioning!

184.  Raw cookie dough

Thank you, Miss Joyce, for reminding me to always count my blessings!  Please give my Hannah a hug for me, and tell her that I love her...

Thoughtful Thursday -- Thought-Provoking Tweets

I realize that by posting about tweets for two days in a row I might give you the impression that I am an avid Twitter-er.  Um...that would be wrong.  I signed up for a Twitter account about a year ago...maybe even two years ago...and was surprised when several people signed up to "follow" me.  I hope they haven't been too disappointed, because I've never given them much of anything to follow.  I just don't seem to have anything to say in 140 characters or less. 

And until recently, I really didn't know who I wanted to follow.  I have no interest in following movie stars or sports figures.  I follow my former pastor, Dr. John Marshall, now at Second Baptist Church in Springfield, Missouri.  And I follow my current church, Mission Aviation Fellowship (my brother flies for them), World Magazine, and Ouachita Baptist University (my alma mater).   All fine organizations, but not exactly riveting reading...although I do enjoy Brother John's tweets.

Then I found a list of interesting tweets on someone's blog (I honestly can't remember which one it was at the moment) and I finally found some people I wanted to follow....Randy Alcorn, John Piper, and Burk Parsons.  Here are just a few of the thought-provoking tweets I read by these guys today...

@burkparsons:  "God loves us not because we are loveable but because He is love; not because He needs to receive but because He delights to give. (C.S. Lewis)"

@johnpiper:  "God doesn't give strength today for tomorrow's trouble.  That's what it means to live by faith in future grace.  It will come."    --This one is so true.  Our family has experienced it again and again.--

@randyalcorn:  "Sir Isaac Newton:  I am as a child on the seashore picking up a pebble here & a shell there, but the great ocean of truth still lies before me."     --I love this one.  Can't you just see that picture in your mind?--

Wait, I just thought of someone else I can follow -- Beth Moore, of course!  And then there's Ann Voskamp, who wrote "One Thousand Gifts."  Hmmm...I wonder if Nancy Guthrie has a Twitter account?

Sorry...Gotta go check my Twitter!

Wacky Wednesday -- Earthquake Tweets

My last several posts have been pretty heavy...I think it's time for a "Wacky Wednesday" post.  This afternoon, I ran across a link to some politically-themed tweets about yesterday's earthquake in Virginia.  They made me chuckle, and I think you may enjoy them too, whatever your political persuasion.

These are from the Washington Examiner website... 

@comradescott:  "Evidently the quake occurred on a little-known fault line outside of DC called "Bush's Fault."

@calebhowe:  "Breaking:  Obama administration points out they "inherited" fault lines from previous administrations."

@MaizeBlueNation:  "Fox News claims the Washington Monument is leaning to the right; MSNBC claims it's learning to the left.  More at 11."

@charliespiering:  "I won't stop shaking until Obama makes a speech telling me everything is ok and that he has a plan."

@Ben_Howe:  "As all of DC leaves work at the same time, the United States experiences a brief economic recovery."

And then I saw this on Facebook yesterday:  "What earthquake?  That was the founding fathers turning in their graves." 

Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting" Mom's Mini-Retreat

Every Mom who has lost a child has been there.  She's with a group of other Moms who are all sharing funny and entertaining stories about their children.  She remembers a cute story about her child (you know, the one that's in Heaven), and she gets ready to tell it.  She waits for a break in the conversation, and maybe even takes in a breath as she readies to share her story.  But then her resolve falters.  She remembers the last time she brought up her child's name in a group of Moms...how eye contact was suddenly broken, how the laughter became stilted, how the conversation waned.  So she closes her lips together, exhales silently, and just keeps smiling as she listens to the other Moms' stories about their kids.  After all, she doesn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, or worse yet, incur the pity of these ladies. 

Maybe her child did not live past infant-hood, and she has no stories to share.  Or maybe her child had children of his or her own, whom she is now raising.  She loves those grandkids more than life itself, but she's so busy caring for them that she doesn't have time to swap stories with other Moms...or she's just too tired to talk!  Or maybe her child should be in school right now, and hearing other Moms' stories of their children's school days makes her unable to speak past the lump in her throat.

And if she did speak about her child, would the other Moms understand?  Would they be aware of the personal cost she is incurring simply by speaking her child's name out loud?  What might they do if they detected a reddening of her eyes, or God forbid, a tear?  And what if she took the risk of honestly expressing some of the thoughts, fears, and doubts she's experiencing?  Would they assume she's lost her faith?  Might they feel that she's burdening them with her grief?  And then, after she walks away, would they shake their heads and say, "Poor _____.  She's really having a hard time." 

Might a well-meaning Mom touch her hand and say, "You know, honey, you really should be over this by now.  It's time to move on."?

Most of the time, it's just easier for her to keep her mouth shut and just keep smiling.  Even when she really feels like crying.

That's what the "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Bereaved Moms is all about.  At a WWW Mini-Retreat, we bring a small group of Moms together and spend the day sharing stories about our children and discussing issues we face as grieving Moms.  It's a safe place, where we can speak openly without fear of being judged, pitied, or told that we need to move on.  Every Mom will have the opportunity to have a private massage in the afternoon...so those shoulders that have been carrying the weight of the world can finally relax for awhile.  And the food!  Breakfast and lunch will be provided, and they will be wonderful...but the dinner will be the highlight of the day.  A five-course gourmet dinner will be prepared and served for us by our own private chef.  The food will be absolutely exquisite!

As bereaved Moms, we carry an enormous load.  After all, it's up to Mom, isn't it, to keep everything going?  Sometimes it helps just to have someone to help shoulder the burden, and that's one of the goals of the WWW Mini-Retreat for Moms.  We'll laugh together, we'll cry together (none of us are made uncomfortable by tears), and we'll pray for each other.  And we'll encourage each other to live well, in a way that honors our children and our Lord, while we're waiting for that glorious reunion someday.

Our next WWW Mini-Retreat for Moms is set for September 17, 2011, and it's filling up fast.  As of right now, we have room for just two more ladies.  We purposely keep our groups small, so that everyone is able to participate equally, and to encourage a more intimate and comfortable gathering.  If you have lost a child and think you might like to attend, just click the tab above ("Mini Retreat for Bereaved Moms").  You can get more specific details about the day, including a schedule of events, and testimonials from a couple of Moms who have attended.  It also includes a link to our "While We're Waiting" website, where you can register for this event online.  Or you can send me an email at thesullivan4@gmail.com and I'll get you signed up.  We'd love to have you join us.  If you'd like to come, but you're just not ready yet, that's fine.  We'll be having more of these...our next one will probably be in January.

And Dads...We haven't forgotten about you!  Watch for information about the "While We're Waiting Weekend" for Dads (October 7-9, 2011) in a future "Tell About It Tuesday."  And we have a "While We're Waiting Weekend" for Couples coming up November 4-6, 2011.  We're currently seeking the Lord's leadership regarding a "While We're Waiting" event for siblings as well...No date has been set for that as of this time.  Siblings, we've discovered, are often the forgotten people when a child is lost. 

Maybe you've never lost a child, but you can still be involved in "While We're Waiting" by telling someone who has lost a child about these events.  We're about to begin the process of pursuing 501(c)(3) status for "While We're Waiting", so at some point, we may also ask you to support these events financially so we can continue to offer them at a minimal cost to participants.  But for right now, the most important thing you can do for "While We're Waiting" is to pray...pray for the people who attend, pray for us (Jill, Brad, Larry, Janice) as we facilitate these events, and pray that God would be honored through all we do.  Thank you!!

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with perseverance."  Romans 8:25

Monday Mourning -- "Empty Me"

During the year that Hannah was battling cancer, several songs came to have special meaning to our family. "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns quickly became our theme song, because of Hannah's prayer for a storm.  "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me was also very meaningful to us.  Hannah and I spent a lot of time listening to the radio on all of our trips back and forth to Little Rock, often flipping back and forth between K-LOVE and some of her favorite secular stations. 

There was one song that it seemed like we always heard on our way to her clinic days...the song "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis.  It sounds silly now, but we would always laugh about that song about bleeding because Hannah knew she was in for 4 or 5 sticks every time she went to the clinic...they almost never could draw that girl's blood on the first try.  So, she'd sing along with, "Keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding" in an effort to psych her veins up to do what they were supposed to do! 

As the journey grew more difficult, other songs began to really speak to us.  As Hannah's health declined, Brad began to accompany us on most of our trips to Children's Hospital.  At this point, we were going every other day for platelet infusions, and Hannah was having difficulty walking.  We would often ride home from our appointments with Hannah in the front seat next to Brad and me in the back seat.  K-LOVE would alway be playing on the radio, and songs like "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman or "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me would come on.  Brad and I would lock eyes in the rear view mirror and the tears would flow.  Hannah's vision was very poor by this time, so she couldn't see her tears, and we would do our best to muffle the sounds of our sobs.  If she ever did hear us, she didn't let on.

Then there was the day Jordin Sparks, of American Idol fame, called us at the hospice center and sang her radio hit "No Air" for Hannah over the phone.  Hannah was unable to respond, but I believe she knew that Jordin was singing for her.  And then a few days later, still at the hospice center, we first heard Chris Tomlin's brand new song, "I Will Rise" and knew that song would be sung at her funeral service. 

There are many other songs that touched us in special ways throughout that year, but there was one song in particular that touched Hannah.  I actually had almost forgotten about it until I heard it on my iPod yesterday.  There I was, walking on my treadmill, listening to my iPod, and reading a book on my Kindle app (yes, I'm a multi-tasker!) when "Empty Me" by Chris Sligh (also of American Idol fame) came on.  And I was immediately transported back to December of 2008, right before Christmas, when Hannah returned to school for a few days.  She had completed her second round of radiation treatments and was completely bald.  I had just picked her up from school and we were headed home when this song came on K-LOVE. 

And Hannah, who only rarely shared the deepest parts of her heart with us over the course of her cancer journey, told me that the loss of her hair had helped her empty herself of her pride before God and she was thankful for that.  That girl never ceased to amaze me!!

You can hear the song and see the lyrics by clicking the link below.  (If you receive these updates via email, you may have to go directly to the blog to hear it.)  Listening to it still puts a lump in my throat, and makes me wonder what I need to be emptied of!

Thoughtful Thursday -- Cardboard Boxes

My best friend in junior high was a girl whose parents had lost three sons, two of them before she was born. One died at birth, one died at the age of ten from cancer, and one died at the age of 18 in a car accident.  She was in third grade when her third brother died, and I met her when I moved to Arkansas in the summer before our seventh grade year.  Her parents were always so kind to me...I had absolutely no idea the weight of grief they must have been living under.

I ran across a poem the other day by a man named Joseph Bayly, from his book titled "Psalms of My Life".  Mr. Bayly knows something about the crushing weight of grief, having lost three children himself.  It really touched me, and I think it will touch you, too.

"A Psalm While Packing Books"

This cardboard box

Lord

see it says

Bursting limit

100 lbs. per square inch.

The box maker knew

how much strain

the box would take

what weight

would crush it.

You are wiser

than the box maker

Maker of my spirit

my mind

my body.

Does the box know

when pressure increases close to

the limit?

No

It knows nothing.

But I know

when my breaking point

Is near.

And so I pray

Maker of my soul

Determiner of the pressure

within

upon

me

Stop it

lest I be broken

Or else

change the pressure rating

of this fragile container

of your grace

so that I may bear more.



Tell About It Tuesday -- Joni Eareckson Tada

I have been a fan of Joni Eareckson Tada for pretty much as long as I can remember.  For those of you who don't know her story, she broke her neck in a diving accident in 1967 at the age of 18, and became a quadriplegic.  She published an autobiography in 1976, when I was 11 years old, and it quickly became one of my favorite books. 

I think one reason why I liked it so much is because she was brutally honest about her bouts of anger and depression following her accident, even contemplating suicide at times.  Over time, though, she turned back to the Lord, and she has been a powerful witness for Him for many, many years now.  

Joni is now 62 years old, and is battling breast cancer along with enduring chronic, "jaw-splitting" pain.  Yet she still continues to serve the Lord with all her might.  Her most recent book is called "A Place of Healing:  Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty", and it is excellent.  

If you have ever questioned why God heals some people and not others (and who hasn't?), this is the book for you!  I mean, why hasn't God healed Joni?  After all, she's served him faithfully all these years...and wouldn't her miraculous healing bring thousands of people to salvation?  She explores this topic thoroughly with a wisdom and peaceful acceptance that amazes me. 

Here's just a brief excerpt: 

"In the meantime, these afflictions of mine -- this very season of multiplied pain -- is the background against which God has commanded me to show forth His praise.  It's also that thing I am to reckon as "good and acceptable and perfect," according to Romans 12.  God bids me that I not only seek to accept it, but to embrace it, knowing full well that somewhere way down deep -- in a secret place I have yet to see -- lies my highest good.

Yes, I pray that my pain might be removed, that it might cease; but more so, I pray for the strength to bear it, the grace to benefit from it, and the devotion to offer it up to God as a sacrifice of praise."

This book also serves as a reassurance for those of us who have lost loved ones to devastating illnesses, like cancer.  When those doubts niggle their way in..."Was Hannah not healed because we didn't have enough faith?", "Was there some sin in my life that kept God from hearing my prayers?", "Why did so-and-so get healed, and Hannah didn't?"...Joni's words serve to remind us of this truth:  "Let us then not say God cannot heal and will not do so.  Let us rather say God can heal and will do so if it is for His glory.  The saint is to remember that God is the judge as to whether or not He will display Himself and His power by a miraculous act, and also when, where, how, and with whom this will be done; and he is to keep constantly in mind that God is just as faithful and loving when He does not so display Himself as when He does."  (She is actually quoting the words of Henry Frost here.)

It's kind of funny...I had already decided yesterday that I would recommend this book by Joni in my "Tell About It Tuesday" post.  Then this morning, I was checking some of the blogs I regularly read, and found the following article posted on two of them.  Take a look at it....I think you'll find it well worth your time.  If you read it, please pay close attention to the very last line.  It is absolutely beautiful.

Why Joni Eareckson Tada Wants to Bring Her Wheelchair to Heaven

Monday Mourning -- Back To School

I've just got to share this picture of Bethany heading off to her "second-to-last" first day of school. 

She just looked so pretty this morning as she was preparing to start her junior year of high school.  And you moms out there...you know how you look forward all day to picking up your kid(s) from school at the end of the first day so you can hear all about it?  Well, it hit me about mid-morning that I won't be picking her up today...she'll be driving herself home.  Wow...This girl is really growing up!

I've also thought a lot today about how Hannah's "second-to-last" first day of school became her "last" first day of school.  We knew as she was starting her junior year that she was in the fight of her life, but at that time her scans were all clear and she was technically cancer free.  It wasn't until late September that the battle began anew.  And I've thought about how this is the third "back to school" we've endured without her here...beginning her sophomore year of college.  On one hand that doesn't seem possible...that there's no way that much time could have passed, but then on the other hand it feels like it's been f-o-r-e-v-e-r since I've seen her beautiful smile.

She would have been so excited about heading back to school this fall.  Much more excited than her younger sister was this morning...Ahem.  She absolutely lived for school.  And she would have loved college. 

One of the hardest things for me at this time of year is to read all the other moms' Facebook posts about their kids starting kindergarten, starting junior high, starting their senior year, leaving for college, etc.  As I read about them crying as they say good-bye when dropping off their kids at college, I find myself becoming resentful.  I hate to admit it, but I start grumbling to myself, "What are you crying about?  At least your kid is getting to go to college.  And you can text and call each other anytime you want to, and they're going to come home for weekends and Christmas!  What in the world are you crying about?"  And I think, "It's just not fair that this had to happen to our family, Lord!  What about them?"

It's ugly, I know, but I'm just being honest.  Satan just works on me that way.  But here's the thing...That kind of comparison is not God's desire for me.

Take a look at this passage from John 21.  In verse 18, Jesus is speaking to Peter:  "Truly, truly I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go."  (This he said to show by what kind of death he was to glorify God.)  And after saying this, he said to him, "Follow me."  Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who had been reclining at table close to him and had said, "Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?" [He's referring to John here.]  When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, "Lord, what about this man?"  Jesus said to him, "If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?  You follow me."

Did you catch that?  Jesus gave Peter a glimpse of the type of death he would die, and Peter immediately pointed to John and said, "Well, what about him?"  And Jesus basically replied, "None of your business.  You just follow me." 

So, when I find myself grumbling and comparing and feeling sorry for myself and wondering, "What about them?", Jesus gently reminds me that He is in control, He hasn't forgotten our little family, and that His plans for me (and all those other moms out there) are perfect.  Rather than resenting, I should be rejoicing that others haven't had to endure what we have.  And I should remember that many others have endured far, far worse than what we have. 

So, with His help, I choose to rejoice in, and not resent, the calling He has put on my life to trust Him and His plan for me.  It's a daily battle, and not an easy one, but He is faithful, and for that I am thankful.

Thoughtful Thursday -- The Land of the Living

Just a brief thought for this Thursday...

Take a look at these excerpts from Psalm 27.  "The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear?  The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?... Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will I be confident... Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me...I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."  (vv. 1, 3, 10, 13-14, Italics mine).

I've probably read that passage dozens of times.  But the other day, when I read it, verse 13 just leapt off the page.  "I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."  I had to stop reading, sit back in my chair, and let that thought wash over me. 

Since Hannah died, I often find myself "living in the days ahead"...looking forward to the joys of Heaven.  But this verse reminds me that I don't have to wait until I'm in Heaven -- I can experience His goodness right here, right now, in the land of the living! 

Just something I've really been enjoying thinking about this week...

Nine on the Tenth -- Paradigm Shifts

All this week, I've been sitting in school workshops.  The last two days have been a presentation of the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and one of the big topics has been paradigm shifts.  As part of his introduction, the presenter posed a question to the group, "What is something that has happened in your life that led to a paradigm shift?"  A few people shared stories of events in their lives that had led to significant change.  I didn't volunteer to share, but if I had, I would have said, "When my teenage daughter was diagnosed with cancer." 

There's nothing like suffering and loss to change your paradigms.  There are definitely some military families who've had their paradigms shifted this week.

In Randy Alcorn's book, "If God Is Good", he shares nine paradigm-shifting insights that he learned through studying the book of Job.  If I wasn't so drained from sitting in workshops all day every day this week, I might be able to come up with one more on my own, thus making today a true Ten on the Tenth.  But I just don't think that's going to happen tonight.  So, without further ado, here are...

Nine Lessons To Be Learned from Job (from Randy Alcorn)

1.  Life is not predictable or formulaic.

2.  Most of life's expectations and suffering's explanations are simplistic and naive, waiting to be toppled.

3.  When the day of crisis comes, we should pour out our hearts to God, who can handle our grief and even our anger.

4.  We should not turn from God and internalize our anger, allowing it to become bitterness.

5.  We should weigh and measure the words of friends, authors, teachers, and counselors, finding whatever truth they might speak without embracing their errors or getting derailed by their insensitivities. 

6.  We should not insist on taking control by demanding a rational explanation for the evils and suffering that befall us.

7.  We should look to God and ask him to reveal himself to us; in contemplating his greatness we will come to see him as the Answer above all answers.

8.  We should trust that God is working behind the scenes and that our suffering has hidden purposes that one day, even if not in this life, we will see.

9.  We should cry out to Jesus, the mediator and friend whom Job could only glimpse, but who indwells us by grace.

Hmmmmm....Good stuff, huh?

Tell About It Tuesday -- True American Heroes

Yesterday I shared a little bit about Navy SEAL Adam Brown and his family.  If you'd like to learn more about Adam's amazing story, you view a documentary about his life at this website.  Once the site has loaded, click on "Patriot Profiles" in the left hand column.  From there, click on Adam's name.  Click on "View Full Story", and three videos will pop up.  The first is just a trailer of the video.  The Tribute to Adam Brown is actually in two parts, and each part takes about 12 minutes to watch.  Believe me, it will be 24 minutes well spent.  Have a box of Kleenex nearby...you'll need it.

When you watch that video, you'll see that a group of Adam's Navy SEAL teammates who came for his funeral jumped off a bridge in Hot Springs in tribute to Adam's adventurous spirit.  Here are a couple of pictures from that day. 

Every one of these young men lost their lives in the helicopter crash this weekend.

There are no words to express the magnitude of this loss for their families.  Please pray for Adam's parents, his brother, his twin sister, and his wife as they travel to Virginia this week.  God has uniquely equipped them to provide comfort and support, and they are going in obedience to Him.  I know they will appreciate your heartfelt prayers.
 
[8/15/11 -- Correction...Since I wrote this post, I found out that two of these young men were not on that Chinook helicopter.  However, all of the others were killed in the crash.]

Monday Mourning -- Navy SEALs

I was deeply saddened this weekend to hear of the tragic deaths of a large number of military personnel in Afganistan, many of whom were Navy SEALs. 

As I've shared before, until my daughter was diagnosed with cancer, I honestly never really thought much about cancer.  Sure, I thought it was a sad thing when someone died from cancer, particularly a child, but because it didn't directly impact my life, it didn't take me long to forget about it and move on.  Not anymore.

In the same way, when I heard about a military death, I would feel sad for the family, and maybe have a little patriotic thrill in my heart, but honestly, that was about it.  Again, it didn't directly impact my life, and I didn't personally know any military families who had lost a loved one.

And then I met the family of Navy SEAL Adam Brown, who was killed in action in Afghanistan last year.  Adam's parents have become some of our closest friends, and Adam's widow has befriended Bethany.  We partner together with the Browns in hosting the "While We're Waiting" events and have heard them share their story of the men in dress blues coming to their door early on a March morning in 2010 several times.  The pain in their voices as they share this experience is absolutely heartrending.  Observing their overwhelming grief, even as they seek to guide their daughter-in-law and grandchildren through the grief experience, has been eye-opening.  And seeing their deep faith in God as they proudly fly their American flag in Adam's memory has been humbling. 

The men who were killed this weekend were part of SEAL Team Six, which was Adam's unit.  They were Adam's teammates and friends.  And at least one of them is now in Heaven as a direct result of Adam's Christian witness.  Adam's family knew many of these young men and their families, and will now have the opportunity to put 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 into practice.  It won't be easy...in fact, I'm sure it will be extremely difficult, as they re-live very painful memories, but I believe that God will give them the grace that they need.

Please remember all of these families in your prayers, as well as the thousands of other military families who have either lost loved ones or who live in fear of losing their loved ones.  I honestly had no idea the depth of sacrifice that these families endure ... all for our freedom.  May our nation be worthy of their sacrifice.

Thoughtful Thursday -- Two Thought-Provoking Quotes

Two quotes from Randy Alcorn's book "If God Is Good" that really made me think this week....

"E. Stanley Jones wrote, 'Don't bear trouble, use it.  Take whatever happens -- justice and injustice, pleasure and pain, compliment and criticism -- take it up into the purpose of your life and make something out of it.  Turn it into testimony.'"

In other words, don't waste your storm.  I've said it before...I believe our greatest sorrows will result in our greatest ministry.  That is, if we allow God to use us.

And here's the second quote:

"Joni Eareckson Tada spoke of a woman, pregnant with a disabled child, who cried out in desparation to her husband, 'Things will never be the same.'  His response?  'Maybe God doesn't want them to be the same.'"

Whoa.  That one stopped me in my tracks.  That has been so, so true in our experience over the last three years.  I am a completely changed person from what I once was...I'm really not sure if there is any part of me that is the same.  And maybe that is just a part of what God wanted through all of this.  Really something to think about as we face the trials of life....

Tell About It Tuesday -- "50 Days of Heaven"

When it became pretty clear that, unless God intervened in a miraculous way, Hannah would be going to Heaven soon, I began reading the book "Heaven" by Randy Alcorn.  It's a great book, with an incredible amount of well-documented research behind it, but it is a huge book and very, very deep.  I got nearly half way through it, and finally just had to give up.  With all the emotion and grief of that time, I just couldn't sustain my focus.

Shortly after Hannah went to Heaven, this little book, "50 Days of Heaven" fell into my hands.  I say it fell into my hands because I honestly don't remember how it got there.  I don't remember if I bought it, or if someone gave it to me (if you gave it to me, I apologize, and Thank You!).  Grief can do some really strange things to your mind and your memories.

Anyway, this is an absolutely awesome little book.  We give it out to people we know who have lost loved ones, and we keep a large supply of them in our Anchor of Hope cabinet at church to pass along to those who have lost family members to cancer.  It takes the content of "Heaven" and breaks it up into fifty daily bite-sized readings.  Each chapter includes a Scripture, a quote from a well-known Christian, a lesson about Heaven, a thought-provoking question, and a prayer.  It is perfect for someone who is in the depths of grief, who can't sustain attention to read longer than about five minutes, and who may not even be able to find the words to pray. 

Randy Alcorn also has a book titled "Heaven for Kids", which is a great read for children who are grappling with the concept of Heaven following the death of a loved one.  Bethany and all of her cousins read it after Hannah's death, and I think it was a great help to them as they tried to understand where their sister/cousin was now living. 

Actually, if you see any book by Randy Alcorn -- fiction or nonfiction -- read it!  I guarantee, it will be good!!

Monday Mourning -- Giving Thanks

"You turned my wailing into dancing, you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.  O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."  Psalm 30: 11-12

I ran across this verse this morning as I was reading "If God is Good" by Randy Alcorn.  It caught my eye first because it had the word "joy" in it, and if you've followed this blog for any length of time at all, you know that's my word.

We have re-decorated what was Hannah's bedroom with the word "joy"...as I sit here typing, I am surrounded by probably 40 or 50 different items that say "JOY" in some form or fashion.  But, as I've shared with you before, I don't always feel the joy.  I've still been keeping up with my Joy List, and one of these days, I will catch you up on that.  But even as I continue to add to the 1,000 Things That Bring Me Joy, I don't always find myself "clothed with joy." 

Maybe the secret to being clothed with joy is the final sentence of that passage.  "O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever."  I believe that there is joy to be found in giving thanks.  But there's also the rub.

I give thanks for the opportunity to be Hannah's mother.

I give thanks for every minute of the 17 years I had with her.

I give thanks for the family, friends, and even strangers who have prayed us through the past 2 1/2 years.

I give thanks for the peace God has given our family, no matter what the circumstances.

I give thanks that Hannah is eternally healed and is herself in a place of unimaginable joy.

I give thanks for the eternal perspective and understanding of God's sovereignty we have gained through our experiences.

But I find myself unable to give thanks that Hannah is not here, in her bedroom, where she should be.  I'm unable to give thanks that she is not preparing for her sophomore year in college.  I'm unable to give thanks that Bethany has no sister to share secrets with.  Am I supposed to give thanks for those things?

I don't really think God expects us to be filled with gratitude for the things that are so painful in this life.  But I do think He wants us to accept them...and in acceptance, there is peace...then thankfulness...and ultimately joy.  Do you remember when Job asked his wife, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" (Job 2:10) 

So, even though I may not have fully arrived in the thankfulness department, He is gently leading me toward that acceptance so that one day, I will truly be clothed with real joy.

Thoughtful Thursday -- When I Get To Heaven

I have to be honest...Before Hannah became a resident there, I really didn't think much about Heaven.  Sure, I wanted to go there someday, but I didn't really know anybody there, other than my grandparents, and, of course, Jesus.  And I looked forward to that day (distant, though it seemed, which was fine with me) because I knew it would be amazing to see Him..."I Can Only Imagine" and all that. 

Well, now that Hannah is there, my feelings have changed greatly.  I look forward every day to the moment I arrive there.  I must admit, though, I am a little conflicted about something. 

Would you think less of me if I told you that if Jesus is the first person I meet when I arrive, while He's hugging me, I'm going to be on my tiptoes peering over his shoulder looking for Hannah?  It's just the truth.

Brad read a book last week on the beach in which a father said he hoped that his child was sitting on Jesus's lap when he got to Heaven, so he could see both of them at the same time.  That would be pretty cool.

But Hannah was seventeen when she died, and I just can't really picture her sitting on Jesus's lap. 

And that's not really how I think it's going to be when I arrive in Heaven anyway.  Here's how I picture it.  I have no theological basis for this whatsoever...these are just my thoughts.

If I were to go there today, I think that Hannah would be the first person I would see.  As a matter of fact, for some reason, in my mind, I picture her grasping both of my hands and pulling me into Heaven from wherever I am.  We would fall into each other's arms and laugh and cry and hold each other for a long, long time.  When we had gotten our fill (it might take awhile), she would take me by the hand and together, we would greet all of our family members who were there....grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-great-great-etc. grandparents, and so on. 

All of this would take place at a very leisurely pace...no need to hurry like we do every day in this life...we have all the time we could ever possibly need.

After visiting with all the family, next I would want to meet the children of all the bereaved parents we've talked to over the last few years.  Most of them I never got to meet on earth, but their parents have become so precious to me, and their stories have been so amazing, I've just got to meet them.  And since I have this idea in my head that everytime we meet a bereaved parent here on earth, Hannah meets their child(ren) in Heaven, she'll be able to introduce me to all of them. 

After visiting with all of these amazing people, I would want to meet the Old Testament patriarchs...Abraham, Jacob, Isaac, Moses, Noah, David, Solomon, etc.  Can you imagine?  And then the folks from the New Testament...Mary and Joseph, Anna, Simeon, the woman at the well, Lazarus, Mary & Martha, the disciples, Paul, Silas, Timothy...the list could go on and on!  What a thought!

And by this time...by this time...at the point where my heart is about to burst with joy and gratitude and awe and wonder...my only desire would be to meet the One, the One who made all of this possible through His sacrifice.  And my daughter, my daughter who is now so far superior to me in wisdom and grace, will ask me, "Are you ready?"  I will be speechless, only able to nod my head in affirmation.  And, still leading me by the hand, with the familiar ease of introducing me to a good friend, she will bring me to the throne of glory.  And I will tremble uncontrollably, fall to my knees, worship the One who died for me, and then finally, finally my joy will be complete.  Oh, glorious day!

Wacky Wednesday -- "How 'Bout Cupcake?"

I just had to share this video that Bethany and I saw on America's Funniest Home Videos the other night. As a sweets fanatic myself, this is a child after my own heart!   Hope this video makes you smile, too!



P.S.  If you receive blog updates by email, you may need to link directly to my blog itself to view the video. 

Tell About It Tuesday -- "Flywheel"

Several months ago, I was at the checkout counter at our local Christian bookstore, perusing their $5.00 deals, when this video caught my eye.

I knew that this movie was made by the same folks who did "Facing the Giants" and "Fireproof", and I figured it would probably be worth five bucks.  Hannah loved the movie "Facing the Giants", and someday I will write more about that.  But I brought "Flywheel" home, put it in the TV cabinet, and promptly forgot all about it.

The other day, I was digging through there looking for something else, and I ran across it, still unopened.  I decided that the next time we had a free evening, we would watch it.  Well, tonight, Brad and I had an evening at home all by ourselves, and I pulled it out and popped it in the DVD player. 

To be honest, I wasn't really expecting much.  I remember the first time I saw "Facing the Giants", and it took me a little while to get past the rather stilted acting and predictable dialogue before I became completely absorbed in the story.  I thought "Fireproof" was better as far as the acting and its overall quality.  Knowing that "Flywheel" was the first attempt by Sherwood Pictures, I had prepared myself for a somewhat cheesy, predictable story with inexperienced actors.

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised!  No, the production quality and the acting were not exactly up to Hollywood standards...but that was actually kind of refreshing.  The story line was engaging, and contained enough twists and turns to keep me guessing about how things were going to work out.  I guess I've become kind of a sap over the past few years, but several scenes moved me to tears.  It was a beautiful story about salvation, redemption, restoration, and faith, and it was a great reminder of how important it is to trust God, even when it feels like everything is flying out of control. 

"Flywheel"...Definitely a good way to spend an evening with the family!

Monday Mourning -- Heavenly Wisdom

Will you indulge me for a few minutes of shameless boasting?  Thank you.

Hannah was a very intelligent young lady.  She was a straight-A student all through school, even in the second semester of her sophomore year, when she underwent brain surgery and radiation therapy.  She won nearly every academic award given during her freshman and sophomore years, including overall "outstanding student" both years.  Her biggest concern when she was in the hospital prior to her surgery was getting behind in her schoolwork and losing her opportunity to be the valedictorian.  She was an extremely competitive student (to a fault), and always went above and beyond what was required of her in class. 

Her junior year was off to a great start, when her cancer returned in late September.  She had to drop out of school for a few months to do another round of extensive radiation and to start a new kind of chemotherapy.  By mid-December, she was well enough to return to school for a few days before Christmas break.  On her first day back to school, she walked into her World History class, only to find out that they were taking a test that day.  The teacher gave them a few minutes to look over their notes before taking the test.  Of course, she could have been exempt from taking the test since she had not been present for any of the material, but she chose to look over a friend's notes and take it.  She got a 100%...after only a few minutes of studying completely unfamiliar material.

Right after Christmas break, Hannah's health began to deteriorate rapidly, and she never did return to school.  It wasn't long before the cancer attacking her brain brought her to a state of almost child-like simplicity.  It was a heartbreaking thing to watch, and to be perfectly honest, it just felt so unfair.

And then Hannah went to Heaven.  And I believe that as soon as she entered her new home, her intelligence was not only restored, it was transformed into wisdom.  A wisdom beyond anything I can even imagine.  And I believe that the longer she is in Heaven, the more wisdom she gains. 

Now, when I feel sad about all that she had to suffer through, the indignities she had to endure, the losses she had to experience ... I picture her, surrounded by the splendor of Heaven, saying, "C'mon, Mom.  It's fine.  All that stuff you're thinking about -- that was just a second, just the blink of an eye -- it was nothing!  None of that matters now.  I'm better than I've ever been.  Just wait 'til you get here...you'll see!" 

And won't it be awesome when I do get there, and I'm able to sit beside her and learn from her what she's been taught by the Master Himself!   After I've spent the first thousand years or so just hugging her neck, that is!  What an amazing experience that will be....

Thoughtful Thursday -- Seaweed

We have been on vacation this week, thus the lack of posts since last Thursday.  We arrived at Panama City Beach, Florida, last Saturday, and will be enjoying our last day at the beach tomorrow. 

We have really enjoyed the opportunity to get away.  The condo where we are staying is lovely, the weather has been perfect, and the sunsets have been spectacular...

The only down side of the week has been the "June Grass"...thick, slimy seaweed that, according to the locals, usually only shows up in June.  This year, it has made its appearance in the middle of July.  Here's the view off our 18th floor balcony on the day we arrived...

And here's the view a couple of days ago, on a particularly still morning...

You can see that the water is actually very beautiful, and is a lovely aquamarine color when the sun shines on it, but that seaweed has just not given us a break.

We've still had a lot of fun....shopping, eating, walking out on the pier,

and Bethany and her friend even went parasailing...

We even took the obligatory family photo on the beach (although we didn't really coordinate our wardrobe very well)...

So what have I been thoughtful about this week?  Well, I've thought a lot about Hannah, and how it still just doesn't feel right to take a family vacation without her.  I've thought about Heaven, as I've looked at the beauty of God's creation all around me.  I've thought about the future, as Bethany will be starting her junior year in just a few weeks.

And I've thought about the seaweed.  Hannah would have hated the seaweed.  It really hasn't bothered us much....we've gone right into the water just as if it wasn't there.  The other thing she wouldn't have liked are all the schools of little fish we've been seeing (in the clear spots between the seaweed).  She had kind of a funny fear of fish swimming around her like that...and I'm really not sure she would even have gone into the water with all that seaweed...not being able to see what was around her feet and legs.

Hannah actually had a lot of little fears.  Before she was diagnosed with cancer, that is.  After her diagnosis, it seemed as though she was never afraid of anything again.  She faced brain sugery, radiation, chemotherapy, going bald, countless MRIs, and more...all without fear.  One time, when they were lying in bed together at night, Bethany asked Hannah if she was scared that she might die from her cancer.  "No," she replied, with disdain in her voice, as if she couldn't believe Bethany even asked her that question. 

How did she do that?  How did she go from being a world-class worrier to a fearless warrior?  The only answer is her faith in God.  Her belief that her storm was fully under His control removed all fear. 

I'm so thankful for the example my teenage daughter set for me.  And I'm so thankful that my God is powerful enough to change a worrier into a warrior.  If He could do it for her, He can do it for me, and you...and you....and you....and you....

Thoughtful Thursday -- A Challenge

Taken from Joni Eareckson Tada's book, "A Place of Healing:  Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty"...

"If you're facing what seems to be an overwhelming situation in your life this week, I want to encourage you to stand firm.  Don't let this thing fill up your whole horizon.  Don't let your anxieties swallow you up or drain your faith dry.  Rather, stand firm and take action.  Take it as an opportunity to do a little research of your own into God's Word.  Compare Bible verses with each other; investigate the examples of Paul or Joseph or Daniel or Peter and how they dealt with bad news and suffering in their lives.

What a waste of an illness or injury if we read--or go on talking--day and night about that illness, that injury, and not about the God who allowed it for His own sovereign reasons.

My friend Dave Powlison has some very good advice in that regard.

Dave is a professor at the Christian Counseling Education Foundation.  He's also fighting a war with a cancer that seeks to ravage his body.  Used to being a man on the go, Dave has been forced to slow down and learn some new lessons in patience as he walks through this unexpected season of life.  I've never had to face cancer myself  [Actually, Joni is now facing a battle with breast cancer], but as I've watched Dave, I have drawn so much encouragement, so much help and hope, just observing the way he approaches the challenges of this disease.

As you well know, cancer is such an alarming word; it immediately spreads fear and doubt.  Dave has gone through the usual chemotherapy routines--the waiting, the uncertainty, and the awful reaction to the drugs.  But I'm amazed at the way he has kept his emotional balance...and his courage.

In the face of all the fear, pain, and sickness, just listen to what Dave wrote to me not long ago:

'Joni, I have learned that for every one sentence you say to others about your cancer,

say ten sentences about your God, your hope, and what He is teaching you,

and the small blessings of each day. 

For every hour you spend researching or discussing your cancer,

spend ten hours researching and discussing and serving your Lord. 

Relate all that you are learning about cancer back to Him and His purposes,

and you won't become obsessed with fears and doubts.'

The truth is, in this world it's a 100 percent guarantee that we will suffer.  But at the same time, Jesus Christ is 100 percent certain to meet us, encourage us, comfort us, grace us with strength and perseverance, and yes, even restore joy in our lives.  Your Savior is 100 percent certain to be with you through every challenge.

The Bible tells us time and again that God is faithful, and greater is He who is in you than any ache or pain or even terminal illness.

Remember today, if you start talking about your health issues--or any problems, for that matter--be sure to talk also about the grace of our wonderful Lord to sustain and save!"

And this is the challenge that has me thinking on this "Thoughtful Thursday"!

Tell About It Tuesday -- World Magazine

I've been what I would describe as a compulsive reader for as long as I can remember.  You may recall that I don't actually remember learning how to read...one day, when I was about 3 1/2 years old, I just could.  And since that day, I've never stopped reading.

When I was a kid eating my breakfast cereal every morning, I would sit and read every word on the cereal box, even the ingredients.  (Remember when they used to have games on the back of the box?  And always a secret toy surprise inside, too.)  Riding down the highway, I would read every single billboard.  (At least I didn't read them all out loud, like my grandparents used to do.)  I even remember reading whole sections of our Funk and Wagnall's encylopedias when I didn't have anything new to read.  When I was in junior high, a teacher caught me with a paperback book tucked inside my textbook, and she was so angry she literally tore my book to shreds in front of the whole class.  Can you imagine...a teacher physically tearing up a book because a kid was reading too much?

When I was growing up, our bathroom at home was always well supplied with copies of the Reader's Digest.  I loved testing my vocabulary with the "Word Power" quizzes and chuckling at the "Laughter Is the Best Medicine" stories.  Every issue contained an article called "Drama in Real Life", in which someone would be trapped in a blizzard on top of Mount Everest or be attacked by a mama grizzly bear protecting her cubs, or some such misadventure.  That was always the article I turned to first.  The Reader's Digest sure helped pass the time in the bathroom.

So in an effort to keep up the family tradition of having quality literature available in the bathroom at all times, I've been a subscriber to World Magazine for a number of years. 

What is World Magazine?  Think Newsweek or Time, but written from a Christian worldview.  The editor-in-chief is Marvin Olasky, once a self-professed atheist who embraced Communism, and now an evangelical Christian who embraces conservatism.  It not only contains well-written articles on politics and current news events, it includes book, music, and movie reviews, op-ed pieces, interviews with newsmakers (both Christian and non-Christian), and human interest stories ... all written from a Christian perspective.  Sports, business, education, health, national and international news...they are all covered.

It is published every two weeks, and each year they publish a special "Books" issue (my favorite), as well as featuring an annual "Daniel of the Year"...a person or persons who have taken a strong stand for Christ, in spite of persection or oppression.  They also highlight various compassionate conservative projects taking place around the nation, which are always interesting to read about.

The writers of World Magazine are unabashedly pro-life, pro-traditional marriage, and pro-compassionate conservatism, all the while acknowledging that we live in a fallen world where lost people are going to behave as lost people. 

As Christians, I think we have a responsibility to be aware of what is going on around the world, as well as in our own American backyards.  We should thoughtfully and prayerfully elect people to office who share our world view, and hold them accountable at the ballot box if they do not conduct themselves in an ethical and moral manner.  We should be knowledgeable about the culture in which we live, being in the world, but not of the world. 

So, if you would like to keep up with what's going on in the world, and would enjoy having your news written from a Christian perspective (and you're seeking some high quality bathroom reading material), I highly recommend World Magazine. 

Monday Mourning -- Missing The Future

When an older loved one dies, like a grandparent, you miss that person, and you miss the life you had with that person. 

But when your child dies (or a young spouse, I would imagine) you not only miss the life you had with that person ... you miss the future that you would have had with that person.

Does that make sense ... that you can "miss the future"?

This past Saturday evening, we attended the wedding of a co-worker's daughter.  The wedding was a beautiful affair, complete with a glowing bride and beaming groom, numerous smiling attendants, proud parents and grandparents, and a lavishly appointed reception.

And as I sat and watched the nuptials unfold, all I could think about was how much I missed the future.

-- I missed the son-in-law whom I will never meet.

-- I missed going wedding dress shopping and finding that "perfect" dress.

-- I missed all the wedding preparations ... showers, invitations, music, flowers, cakes, etc.

-- I missed hearing Brad say, "Her mother and I", in response to the pastor's question.

-- I missed "You may kiss the bride."

-- I missed the cutting of the cake.

-- I missed the leaving for the honeymoon.

-- I missed the grandchildren who will never be born.

And I ached for Brad, who will never walk Hannah down the aisle, and for Bethany, who will not have a sister to stand beside her as her maid of honor.

Ahhhh, but thank God there is another wedding to come in the future.  And I'm not talking about Bethany's, as much as I'm looking forward to that someday (but not anytime soon!). 

I'm talking about a ceremony much more elaborate and awe-inspiring than any earthly wedding.  Here is what the Word of God says about that wedding...

"Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:  'Hallelujah!  For our Lord God Almighty reigns.  Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!  For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.  Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.'...Then the angel said to me, 'Write this:  Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!'  And he added, 'These are the true words of God.'"  Revelation 19: 6-9 NIV

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Ten on the Tenth -- Favorite Children's Books

My favorite quote from the movie "You've Got Mail" is when Kathleen, the heroine, says this..."When you read a book as a child, it becomes a part of your identity in a way that no other reading in your whole life does."  Don't you love that?  If you were a reader as a child, I know that quote rings true with you.

So, in honor of summer reading season, here are the ten books that "became a part of my identity" as a child...

1.  "The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh" by A. A. Milne.  The illustrations, of course, are beautiful, but my favorite thing about the Winnie the Pooh stories was the way the author used the text on the page to illustrate the blustery days and the floody woods.  I absolutely love these stories. 

2.  "The Wizard of Oz" by L. Frank Baum.  Of course, I loved the movie (Who didn't?), but the book was soooo much better!  There's so much in the book that didn't make it into the movie....the Quadlings, the china princess, the Hammerheads, etc.  I also loved "The Patchwork Girl of Oz."

3.  "Misty of Chincoteague" by Marguerite Henry.  I loved books about horses, and this one was my favorite.  Stunning illustrations and a simply beautiful story.  Other books by Henry are good as well, including "Stormy, Misty's Foal" and "Brighty of the Grand Canyon."

4.  "Anne of Green Gables" by L. M. Montgomery.  A beautifully written story about Ann with an "e", a spirited red-headed girl adopted by an elderly brother and sister who intended to adopt a boy to help out on their farm.  As a shy, introverted child myself, I was absolutely enthralled by Anne's adventures.

5.  "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom.  I guess this is not typically a children's book, but I read it as a child and loved it.  Being of Dutch heritage myself, I was fascinated by the insight into the Dutch culture of that period in the early part of the book, and inspired by Corrie and Betsy's unwavering faith in spite of great suffering in the latter part. 

6.  "Bambi" by Felix Salten.  Yes, there really is such a book, and it predates the Disney movie version by nearly twenty years.  And as is usually true, it is sooooo much better than the movie version.  I loved it so much that I read it multiple times.  (That's actually true of every book on this list, but I think I read this book more times than any other.)  I remember checking it out of my elementary school library in Wisconsin over and over.  And then a couple of years ago, I ran across it at our school library ... in a stack of books about to be discarded!  I snatched it up and am thrilled that it is now part of my own personal library. 

7.  The "Little House" books by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  All of them.  I read them over and over.  I wanted to be Laura.  I also loved the TV series, but nothing could match the beauty and simplicity of the stories in these books. 

8.  "Black Beauty" by Anna Sewell.  I loved how this book was written from the perspective of the horse.  I remember being able to almost feel the bit in my mouth and the blinkers over my eyes as I read this one.

9.  "Charlotte's Web" by E. B. White.  What's not to love about Charlotte's Web?  Wilbur was truly some pig, Templeton was such a nasty beast, and Charlotte A. Cavitica was the perfect heroine.  And Fern...well, I wanted to be Fern, too.  After all, her pig's life is saved, and then she gets to ride on the ferris wheel with Henry Fussy.  What could be cooler than that?

10.  "The Lion, The Witch, & the Wardrobe" by C. S. Lewis.  I absolutely loved this book as a child, but I never could seem to get into the other books in the series ... until a couple of years ago, that is, when I read the entire series.  In fact, I believe I got far more out of the series as an adult than I would ever have gotten out of it as a child. 

How about you?  What are the books that became a part of you because you read them as a child?  I'd love to hear from you on this topic ... just leave a comment below.

Free-for-All Friday

A few random items on this Free-for-All Friday....

1.  Remember the little girl I posted about a few weeks ago?  Well, last week sweet little Glory girl got to come home from the hospital for the first time in her eleven months of life!  And I'm happy to report that she's doing well and enjoying spending time with her siblings and parents.  She still has a long road ahead of her, but this is a huge step in the right direction!  Please continue to keep her in your prayers...

2.  We now have brochures printed with all the information about the various "While We're Waiting" retreats for moms, dads, and couples.  If you would like for me to send you one (or more) to share with friends or family, please email me or leave a comment below with your address, and I'll be happy to put some in the mail to you!

3.  Bethany started back to basketball practice this week.  This may not seem like a big deal ... but this return to basketball comes after a fractured bone in her forearm, followed by a partial tear of the plantar fascia in her right foot, followed by a recent flare-up of mono.  So, to say I am thankful for something as seemingly minor as a return to basketball practice is an understatement.  She is doing well, and I am so proud of her for a multitude of reasons. 

4.  We are heading to northwest Arkansas this weekend to attend a wedding.  I have not been to a wedding since Hannah went to Heaven nearly 2 1/2 years ago.  Hmmmm....that could be the topic of my next "Monday Mourning post.

Thoughtful Thursday -- The Casey Anthony Case

Daniel 7: 9-10 -- "As I looked, thrones were placed, and the Ancient of Days took his seat; his clothing was white as snow, and the hair of his head like pure wool; his throne was fiery flames; its wheels were burning fire.  A stream of fire issued and came out from before him; a thousand thousands served him, and ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him; the court sat in judgment, and the books were opened."

I have no idea whether Casey Anthony took the life of her beautiful little girl or not.  I certainly have some opinions about the matter, based on the evidence presented.  And I can say with confidence that Casey Anthony's behavior is not typical of any bereaved mom I have ever met.  But I also can honestly say that I'm very glad I was not a member of that jury.

But whether or not this young mother bears any responsibility for her child's death, the fact remains that a two-year-old girl is dead, and it is questionable at this point whether justice will ever be served.

In this life, anyway.

I participated in the "Daniel" study by Beth Moore this past fall, and in one of the videos she said something that really struck me.  According to Beth (I like to pretend we're on a first-name basis), whenever the Bible refers to God as the "Ancient of Days" it is referring to Him as judge.  And she pointed out that as the Ancient of Days, He always has been and always will be. 

That means that He knows ... He knows about every injustice that has been committed since the beginning of creation.  And He knows who committed each one. 

So when we feel outraged at the injustices we see all around us ... we can rest in the knowledge that the Ancient of Days is on His throne.

And here's the best part.  We already know what's at the end of the Book!

Daniel 7: 13-14 -- "I saw in the night visions, and behold, with the clouds of heaven there came one like a son of man, and he came to the Ancient of Days and was presented before him.  And to him was given dominion and glory and a kingdom, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him; his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom one that shall not be destroyed."

P.S.  For an excellent summary of a Christian response to the Casey Anthony trial, click here.

Wacky Wednesday -- Dining Dogs

Sorry for the brief hiatus in posting (so much for my plan for daily posts this summer)!  We had a house full of company over the Fourth of July holiday.  My aunt and uncle from Indiana came for a visit and brought their beautiful boat...

So we've been spending the last several days hanging out with them and my parents, and doing all sorts of fun lake activities like this...

Anyway, things are settling down a little bit again around here...just in time for Wacky Wednesday!

A dear family friend, "Mema", sent me this video the other day, and I really got a kick out of it.  It's lots of fun to watch....Enjoy!