"I'll be home for Christmas
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents on the tree
Christmas Eve will find me
Where the lovelight gleams
I'll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams..."
This has to be one of the most-loved Christmas songs of all time. I had always liked the song just fine ... until Hannah went to Heaven, that is. And then it just kind of made me mad.
It made me mad that Hannah wouldn't be home for Christmas ... not ever. It made me mad to think about all those families who excitedly anticipated their children coming home for the holidays ... when my child never would. And really, the "mad" was a result of being so sad.
Tuesday evening, I heard that song on K-LOVE radio, and automatically reached up to change the station. I was on my way to a "While We're Waiting" get-together at our friends, the Browns', home, and I just really didn't want to hear that song right before spending the evening with a whole group of people whose kids wouldn't be home for Christmas.
But then it hit me. Before my hand even touched the radio button, it hit me.
Hannah is home for Christmas. I'm the one who's out of place.
Because of that baby born in a manger so many years ago, this world is not our home. And aren't you glad that it's not? It just keeps getting darker and darker. This is not the world we were made for.
Heaven is our home. We just haven't gotten there yet.
So, from now on, when I hear that song ... I'm going to try to change my focus. Instead of being sad and mad that Hannah is not going to be in our home for Christmas, I will choose to rejoice that she is in her home ... which one day, will be my home, too ... and then we'll never spend another Christmas apart.
And that's what I'm thinking about on this Thursday evening, just a few days before we celebrate our fourth Christmas without our girl. I still miss her so much ... with every breath I take ... but I have peace in knowing she's home for Christmas.