Tell About It Tuesday -- While We're Waiting Weekend for Parents

Has it really been two weeks since I last posted?  How is that even possible?  I really thought life was going to slow down after basketball season ... but, boy, was I wrong.  If anything, we've gotten even busier.  But ... May 24th is on the horizon, and we are officially in countdown mode.  I don't know if I've ever looked forward to a summer break more than this one.

One of the things that's keeping us so busy is the "While We're Waiting" ministry.  But that's a good kind of busy.  We absolutely love hosting WWW events.  In fact, we wish that was all we had to do, but we have these pesky jobs to keep us busy!  :)

This past weekend, we hosted the third "While We're Waiting Weekend" for Bereaved Parents.  I know I say this every time, but it was amazing!  We had a little bit smaller group this time because two couples were unable to come at the last minute, but what a great time of fellowship we had!

As always, I feel that the story of the weekend is best told through pictures.  So, here we go...

Friday afternoon and evening brought a downpour of Biblical proportions...

But Saturday morning dawned bright and clear, if somewhat chilly for late April...

After a hearty breakfast and a time of sharing, we headed out to the barn to help Daddy May feed the animals...

Who doesn't love puppies...

And bunnies...

And miniature horses...

There's just something therapeutic about spending time with the animals...

We came back in for lunch and spent some more time sharing our children's stories...

And then it was back outside for more fun activities, like the Family Farm carousel...

And riding the zip line over the pond...

Don't try this at home...

Just in case the weather didn't clear, we were prepared.  We set up a "Pickle Ball" court inside the Lodge, and Janice taught us all how to play.  And play we did ... until about 11:00 on Friday evening, and off and on throughout the weekend!

And finally, the pictures of our delicious gourmet dinner, prepared and served by our own private chef.   (He wrote these descriptions for me...I could never have come up with these on my own!)  First, the appetizer, which was "English cucumbers with great Northern bean fondue, essence of truffle oil, and drizzled with verde sauce..."

Our salad was "Vine ripened tomatoes with fresh goat cheese and a basil vinegarette..."

The intermezzo was "Mango and mandarin orange spritzers."  Absolutely delicious...

Our entree -- "Smoked Gouda potatoes with double smoked beef brisket, along with a medley of vegetables..."

And finally, the dessert -- "Lemon pudding cake with hot raspberry and strawberry fondue, with vanilla bean ice cream, fresh cream, and mint..."

Doesn't it all look amazing?

You know, the animals, the fun indoor and outdoor activities, and the food are all wonderful ... but that's not really what a While We're Waiting Weekend is all about.  The times of fellowship, encouragement, and prayer we had together over the course of the weekend were indescribable.  Those are things I can't capture in photographs.

This weekend together gave us an opportunity to talk about our children with people who genuinely wanted to hear about them, to share our struggles and our victories with people who truly understand, and most importantly, to discuss what God is teaching us through our experiences.  Our discussion was rich, and our bond was deep.

We ended the retreat on Sunday morning with a time of praise and worship.  Let me tell you, there is nothing like the sacrifice of praise that rises up to Heaven when a group of parents who have lost children sings "It Is Well With My Soul" together, especially if you know the history of that song.

We also had a special couple come to share with us on Sunday morning.  These folks lost their teenage son to a single strike of lightning thirty years ago.  He was mowing a neighbor's grass, trying to earn money to go on a mission trip.  If anyone would have a reason to question God's goodness, it would be this couple.  But instead of abandoning their faith, they have spent the last thirty years applying their faith.  They assured us that there is life after the loss of a child, and not just life, but abundant life.  They reminded us of what it means to truly live well while we're waiting to be reunited with our children in Heaven one day.

So, here we are, a group of bent, but not broken, parents ... determined to serve Him while we're waiting for that glorious reunion!

Ten on the Tenth -- Ten "Gifts" Given In a Year of Cancer

I'm not sure why this post is coming now, more than three years after Hannah went to Heaven.  The other day as I was driving (that seems to be when I do my best thinking these days), I was reflecting back on the year that Hannah had cancer and remembering some of the wonderful "gifts" that came our way that year.  I put "gifts" in quotation marks because I'm not referring to presents here, though there were certainly many, many of those that came our way during that difficult year, and we appreciated every one of them.  No, I'm referring to intangible "gifts" of time, thoughtfulness, understanding, and sacrifice that our family received that year.

Could it be because I'm just now becoming "un-numb" enough to really, truly see some of the gifts that we received in the year that Hannah battled her cancer?  It's possible.  You know, when your child is fighting a life-threatening disease, you find yourself operating in purely survival mode.  You can't think too deeply about anything ... especially the future ... and you just live day to day, doing whatever's in front of you that needs to be done, and frankly, that's about all you can do.  Gifts are received and appreciated, but sometimes the emotional stamina needed to respond appropriately to them just isn't there.

So today, I'm going to attempt to list ten especially meaningful "gifts" our family received from February 2008 through February 2009.  I approach this task with some trepidation, because I certainly don't want to inadvertently omit someone's gift.  I cannot tell you how many cards, calls, emails, letters, meals, gift cards, financial gifts, etc., we received during that year, and we were so grateful for all of them.  In fact, I have an entire plastic tub filled with all of those cards, letters, and printed-out emails ... I've kept every single one of them.

But this is a list of exceptional things ... things that truly cost the giver something in money, time, or convenience.  A sacrifice was involved in each of these gifts.  And because I don't want to lessen that sacrifice, I'm not going to reveal any of the givers' names.  In a few cases, I've never even known their names, or I've forgotten them as a result of grief-fog.  So here we go...

1.  From the very beginning of our cancer journey, we started receiving cards from someone nicknamed "The Mailman."  I honestly thought he had earned that nickname because he mailed so many cards to people.  I had to laugh at myself when I found out he actually was a mailman.  Anyway, most of his cards were addressed to specific members of the family and were notes of encouragement.  The specific "gift" I am thinking of was when he sent Hannah a card a few weeks before Christmas of 2008.  The card contained a check with a note to her to use the money to buy her sister a Christmas present.  So, one day after one of our clinic visits at Children's Hospital, we went by Mardel's and Hannah selected a Bible for Bethany.  We had Bethany's name imprinted on it, and Hannah gave it to her for Christmas that year.  Thanks to The Mailman, Bethany has a special Bible, a treasured gift from her beloved sister.

2.  A few days after we learned that Hannah's cancer had returned, I attended the homecoming pep rally at the high school.  I had not been out in public since Hannah's doctor had informed us that she had basically no chance of survival, and I was extremely fragile emotionally.  I would never have even gone to this pep rally, except for the fact that Bethany was cheering and I felt that I needed to be there to support her.  I had already missed so many of her activities due to Hannah's illness.  I walked into the gym alone, without the foggiest idea of how I was going to sit there and watch all of Hannah's classmates celebrating homecoming and going on with their lives, while Hannah was at home recovering from her radiation treatment that day.  How was I possibly going to be able to hold it together?  About that time, one of the high school teachers came up to me, walked me to a seat, sat down beside me, and kept up some inane conversation in my ear the entire time we were there.  She babbled on and on about the decorations, the girls' dresses, the upcoming dance, everything under the sun.  I didn't have to do anything, not even formulate a reply to her comments ... but her chatter kept my mind distracted and protected me from the curious.  When it was over, she accompanied me to the exit, talking all the way, and it was almost as if the Red Sea parted ahead of us as we made our way through the crowd.  Looking back, it probably was like that ... I'm sure people were as uncomfortable about seeing as I was about seeing them.  Once I was outside, she disappeared into the crowd.  To this day, I don't know if she has any idea what she did for me that afternoon.  But I've always been grateful to her for getting me through a difficult situation.

3.  We will forever be grateful to the El Dorado High School Class of 1985 for their kindness to Hannah and our family.  This is my husband's graduating class, and they are an exceptionally close class.  A large number of his classmates followed Hannah's story, and as her 17th birthday approached, they took up a collection and even had a party (they called it a soiree'!) for her.  They presented her with a flat-screen TV, a DVD player, and a collection of her favorite movies.  We installed the TV in her bedroom (we've never allowed our kids to have TVs in their bedrooms, but this was a unique circumstance!) and that TV was a great way for her to pass the time when she didn't feel well enough to get out of bed.  Such a thoughtful gift.

4.  As Hannah's health deteriorated, our every-other-day visits to Children's Hospital became extremely taxing for her.  The usual routine upon arrival at the Hem-Onc clinic is to spend some time in the waiting room, then go to triage' where weight, blood pressure, etc., are checked, then come back out to the waiting room and wait some more for either an exam room to open up, or a bed to become available if the patient is there for an infusion of some sort.  One day in early February when we arrived for an infusion, the waiting room was packed and every bed in the infusion room was full.  It was obvious we had a long wait in front of us.  Hannah was completely exhausted just from the ride to Little Rock that morning, and could literally barely sit up in her wheelchair.  One of the nurses saw us sitting out there in the waiting room and called us back to room we'd never been in before.  It appeared to be a lounge of some sort.  She pushed a couple of chairs together, grabbed a blanket, and fixed Hannah up a comfortable place to rest while waiting for a bed to come open.  This was clearly not a routine thing for a nurse to do ... I will never forget her compassion that day.

5.  I believe I've mentioned on this blog before our family's deep affection for Spudnuts.  What is a Spudnut, you ask?   Only the best doughnut known to man.  And they can only be purchased in El Dorado, Arkansas, at a little hole in the wall called The Spudnut Shoppe.  These doughnuts are made with potato flour (thus the name) and when they are hot, they absolutely melt in your mouth.  Unbelievably good.  Anyway, sometime in the last couple weeks of Hannah's life, someone brought some Krispy Kreme dougnuts to her hospital room.  I held one to her lips, she took a bite, and she stated, "It's not as good as a Spudnut."  We all had a good laugh, and when I wrote my email update that night, I included her statement, knowing that all of our friends from El Dorado would enjoy that comment.  The next day, we received SIX DOZEN Spudnuts!  A man from Fort Smith(!) read that comment in my email, jumped in his truck, drove to El Dorado, picked up six boxes of Spudnuts, dropped them off at Children's Hospital in Little Rock, and then drove back to Fort Smith.  For those of you who may not be familiar with the geography of Arkansas, that's a full day of driving!  We didn't know him, and he didn't know us ... but he loved our daughter, and he wanted her to have some Spudnuts.  What an amazing gift!

6.  We left home with Hannah for the last time on February 16th, 2009, after I went into her room early in the morning to check on her and found her hemorrhaging.  Some dear neighbors came over later that day and cleaned up Hannah's room for us, even washing her bedding and taking her comforter to the cleaners, who cleaned it for free when they heard the story.  So when we returned ten days later after Hannah had left for Heaven, her room bore no traces of that traumatic final morning.  They also took care of our dog while we were gone, and kept our family members (who were staying in our house on and off during that time) well supplied with food.  What a blessing to have those things taken care of for us!

7.  As Hannah's health declined, we made the decision to transfer from Arkansas Children's Hospital to a hospice facility.  This was a heart-wrenching day for a couple of reasons ... we were leaving our Children's Hospital "family" and we were facing the reality that we were ending treatment.  The transport was to be by ambulance, and as I watched the ambulance guys transfer Hannah from her hospital bed to the rolling gurney, I was struck by how small and vulnerable she appeared.  I couldn't stand the thought of her riding in an ambulance all alone, and I asked the guys if I could ride with her.  They told me that it was against regulations ... no one could ride in the ambulance with them.  I was heartbroken as we followed the gurney down the halls and the elevators to the ambulance area.  Somehow, by the time we reached the ambulance they had changed their mind.  Not only did they allow me to ride in the ambulance, sitting beside Hannah, they let Bethany ride in the front seat.  I can't tell you how much taking that last ride with Hannah meant to me.

8.  Sometime during the eight days we were at the hospice center, someone anonymously left a book and some other items at the front desk for our family.  That book was "Holding On To Hope" by Nancy Guthrie, and it was the very first step in the journey that ultimately led to forming the "While We're Waiting" ministry.  And the formation of that ministry has been instrumental not only in our healing, but in the healing of many other bereaved parents.  I'm thankful that I now know who left that book that day, and I've had the opportunity to thank her personally.

9.  Many people came to visit us when we were in the hospice center, but only a few got to actually see Hannah during that time.  She was never one to like a lot of attention even before she got sick, and I knew she would not be comfortable with visitors, especially in her condition.  I wanted to protect her dignity as much as possible, and therefore, only the people I knew she would really want to see were allowed in.  And her friends were included in that group.  I will never forget the superhuman courage of her friends who came to see her in those final days.  How does a teenage girl find the strength to come see her formally vibrant friend who is now in the last days of her life?  I can tell you right now, I couldn't have done it when I was a teenager.  I would have been terrified.  But these girls screwed up their courage, put smiles on their faces, and came.  And I'm grateful for the gift of their presence.

10.  Finally ... there were thousands of people who sacrificially spent time on their knees and on their faces praying for our daughter and our family.  And those prayers were felt ... they carried us through every day of that year, and continue to carry us today.  All of those prayers for peace, comfort, strength, and even healing, were answered.  Hannah is already healed, eternally, and we are in the process of being healed.  We are so, so thankful for the gift of prayer.

So, there's my list, which is by no means a completing accounting of the gifts we received that year. Honestly, it's been an emotional and exhausting exercise to re-live all of these memories.

So why do it?  Why take the time to write about all of these things?  To remind all of us (including myself) that when God puts it on our heart to do something for someone, we need to do it.  We never know how He might use something that may seem small and insignificant to us.  If He can feed the multitudes with a few pieces of bread and fish, just think about what He can do with our little "gifts."  Let's resolve to keep our hands and our hearts open as we travel this road together.

Monday Mourning -- Prom 2012!

So Friday night was Magnet Cove High School's junior/senior prom.  Oh my, what a big deal it was!  We were out of school that day for Good Friday, so Bethany and I got to spend the whole day together taking care of all the pre-prom preparations.  Yes, we usually have our prom on Good Friday!  Something about that just never has felt right to me, but by having prom on Friday night, the kids are able to sleep in on Saturday and it doesn't interfere with going to church on Sunday morning.

Anyway, back to the pre-prom preparations.  There were the pedicures...Yes, I had to get one too!  How did I manage to reach the ripe old age of 46 before I ever got my first pedicure?  Actually, my favorite part is the massage chair!  This was my third one, and I enjoyed every minute of it.  Sitting next to my girl who was going on and on about how excited she was about the evening was pretty nice, too!

Next up was a trip to the salon for a fancy hair-do.  She wore her hair down, in some kind of "waterfall" style.  All I know is that it was gorgeous.  Just like her big sister, she's been blessed with a head full of great hair!

After that, it was off to get her make-up done.  We went to the Clinique counter at Belk on our hairdresser's recommendation.  Who knew that they do make-up there for free?  I couldn't believe it when the girl said we didn't owe her anything!  She did a great job and we enjoyed visiting with her, and yes, I left her a nice tip.

Let me stop here and say that, honestly, I find all of this pre-prom hoopla somewhat ridiculous.  I didn't go through this kind of preparation on my wedding day!  Of course, that was almost 25 years ago, and I guess times have changed.  And I must say, I did enjoy spending the whole day with my sweet daughter.

After nails, hair, and make-up, we went out to her date's parents' house to take some pictures....

Then it was off to the restaurant and a few more pictures...

Finally, they made it to the prom, which from all reports, was a huge success.  Bethany even won a $300 teeth whitening kit at the After Prom party!  Honestly, I think she should pass that along to her mom, don't you?

So, with all the fun activities surrounding prom, why is this a Monday Mourning post?  For a couple of reasons, actually.  The most obvious one is because Bethany's big sister was not there to share the day with her.  To help her pick out her dress, to help her decide how to wear her hair, to critique her make-up.  To lie in bed and whisper with her the night before prom about dancing, and dresses, and, of course, her date.  Which they certainly would have done, because "other Brad" (see previous post for the reason why we call him that) was actually a classmate of Hannah's, and they knew each other quite well.  In situations like this, where a big sister is called for, I often feel woefully inadequate.

And then there's the sadness I feel because Hannah never got to go to her high school prom.  And not even so much because I feel like she really missed out on anything, because what she's experiencing instead is so much better.  It's because I missed out on sharing the experience with her.  How I would love to spend a day with her now, just doing girl stuff ... or doing nothing at all but just being together!

But because of that ... because of that awareness of how much I have missed with Hannah, I was able to fully enjoy and appreciate that time with Bethany.  I was able to forget about the expense (just call me George Banks from "Father of the Bride"), the stress of rushing around from appointment to appointment (and running late all day), and the long night of waiting up for her and just enjoy the ride with my girl.

Father, let me never take time with my family for granted.  Help me to fully experience the joy that You give in every moment of life.

Monday Mourning -- Vacation Recap

Ahhhh, spring break!  The perfect opportunity to take a trip to celebrate our sweet nieces' birthday.  Because they live in Indonesia, we've never gotten to see them on their birthday before.  And no, they're not twins, but they do have the same birthday...just two years apart!  Right now, their family is on furlough, and they are currently staying with family in beautiful eastern Tennessee.  So, the four of us loaded up the car and headed out.  Yes, the four of us...Bethany's friend, Brad (who the little girls have christened "Other Brad" to differentiate him from "Uncle Brad"), accompanied us.

It's about an 11 hour drive from southwest Arkansas to eastern Tennessee, so we left home at 4:00 a.m.  We like to drive early in the morning like that...no traffic, and those early morning hours seem to go by very quickly.  With the time change, it was early afternoon when we arrived, so we had plenty of time to visit before bedtime.  In fact, Brad and Brad were recruited to help hang some swings for the little girls to enjoy.  Once this task was completed, the girls immediately hopped on and began to enjoy their new swings.

Unfortunately, about five seconds after this picture was taken, little Katie (on the right) decided to let go of the chains for a reason known only to her.  She ended up on the ground at my feet, crying and holding her arm, and was soon whisked off to the emergency room by her parents.  She returned home a few hours later with an "inconclusive" x-ray and her arm in a splint.  Not the best way to kick off her birthday weekend!

Kids are resilient, however, and by the next morning, she was ready for her birthday celebration.  Their party was held at a place that had all kinds of fun activities for kids...jumping houses, blow-up slides, mazes, arcade games, etc.  Here are a couple of pictures...

Bethany and Julia

Katie and her Mommy

They made such beautiful birthday princesses and we had so much fun celebrating with them!

After the birthday festivities, we moved on to some other fun activities.  We couldn't be in such a beautiful part of the country without spending some time outside!

We rented a cute little cabin...

We did some hiking...

Had a little fun along the way...

And ended up at a gorgeous waterfall, which just happened to be where my brother and his wife got engaged about eleven years ago.  They did a little re-enactment, just for fun...

...And we got to take some family pictures!  I am usually the photographer of the family (not because I'm any good at taking pictures, but just because if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done).  "Other Brad" is a great photographer and loves to take pictures, so I actually got to be in a few pictures this time!

Our family...

And the obligatory silly pic...

"Other Brad" brought along his handy-dandy hiking hammock...

The girls had to try it out, too...

Nothing like having a picnic beside a gorgeous waterfall, and then "hanging out" in a hammock for awhile!

The next day, we hiked to another waterfall...Such a beautiful, peaceful spot.

At least until Bethany and "other Brad" started rapelling down the cliff.  Then, it wasn't quite so peaceful, at least for me.  This was her first time to do anything like this, and she loved it!  And Mom actually enjoyed watching, too (after a few deep breaths)!

Probably the highlight of our trip was white-water rafting.  Our family has rafted twice before, and we absolutely love it!  This was an absolutely gorgeous float down the Nolichucky River, with lots of whitewater...several areas of Class III and IV rapids.  The water looks awfully brown in the picture, but there had been a lot of rain recently which had the river churned up.  Of course, it also made for great whitewater!  That's a railroad track you see beside the river, and we got to see a train go by while we were floating, which was cool.

All in all, we had a wonderful time on our trip.  So why is this a "Monday Mourning" post?  Because family vacations are not what they used to be.  As you might expect, there were moments of deep sadness.  The first time we rafted was on the Snake River in Idaho on our favorite family vacation ever...back in the summer of 2007...back when life was simple and uncomplicated.  Our girls were happy and healthy, and we had no idea that Hannah would be diagnosed with cancer seven months later.  Hannah absolutely loved rafting, even though it terrified her, and she always wanted to do it again.  We wished so badly she could have experienced this float with us.

There were lots of these around...

...and every time I saw one, I had to chuckle.  Hannah had a totally irrational fear of geese, which we always teased her about.  Hard to imagine that a girl who would face cancer fearlessly could be paralyzed by a little ol' goose!

Hannah would have loved spending time with her little cousins, and they would have absolutely adored her.  One evening, I was showing Julia the pictures on my phone, and we were talking about everyone in the pictures.  I knew there were pictures of Hannah on there, and I was steeling myself for her to ask me who she was.  I was so pleased when we got to those pictures and she immediately pointed to her and cried out, "Hannah!"  Her parents have done such a good job of making sure that she and her sister know who Hannah is, even if they don't actually remember her.  I'm so thankful for that.

I guess every family vacation we have without Hannah will be this way...a mixture of joy and sorrow. All of life is that way, actually.  I am just grateful that, as time goes by, the joy seems to supersede the sorrow.  This can only be the result of God's immeasurable grace.

P.S.-- Oh, and Katie's arm was not broken, by the way.  By the end of the week, she was sans splint, and doing just fine!

Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting" Update

Some very exciting things have been happening in the "While We're Waiting" ministry over the last few weeks...I've just got to share them with you!

1.  We are taking our "While We're Waiting" Mom's Mini-Retreat on the road!  We will be hosting our next Mom's Day in northeast Arkansas, in the town of Wynne, on July 28, 2012.  There are several bereaved families who live in that part of the state, so we are bringing "While We're Waiting" to them.  We are also working on the possibility of a weekend-long parents' retreat in that part of the state this fall.  If you would like for us to work on bringing a While We're Waiting event to your area...even if it's outside of Arkansas...drop me an email and we'll talk.

2.  Our next "While We're Waiting" Weekend for Parents (couples and singles) is coming up the weekend of April 20-22, 2012.  We are particularly excited about the fact that our website has really been increasing in traffic over the last several weeks and we've been getting inquiries about this upcoming retreat from around the country ... Arizona, Washington, Kentucky.  In fact, our available spots are already about half filled.

3.  We also have a "While We're Waiting" Weekend for Dads coming up the weekend of May 4-6, 2012.  It's also going to be a great event ... go to our website for more information or to register.

4.  We have filed for non-profit 501(c)3 status and are currently in what I refer to as "IRS limbo".  Hopefully we'll hear something soon.  As soon as we are approved for that, any donations made to "While We're Waiting" will be tax-deductible.

5.  On our spring break last week, we took a trip out to eastern Tennessee to visit my brother's family and celebrate my niece's birthdays.  While there, we girls (my mom, my sister-in-law, and I) took a little side trip to Asheville, North Carolina, to visit the headquarters of World Magazine.  I've shared on this blog before how much I enjoy reading this magazine, and I thought it would be fun to go there and take a tour.  The headquarters didn't look anything like what I thought it would!  It's near the Biltmore Mansion (which I would also like to tour someday!) and this part of town is just beautiful.

Anyway, while we were getting our tour, we had the opportunity to meet Marvin and Susan Olasky.  He is the editor in chief of World Magazine, and a bit of a celebrity ... at least in my eyes!

We visited with them for several minutes, and of course, I took advantage of the opportunity to put a couple of "While We're Waiting" brochures in their hands!  They seemed genuinely interested and asked lots of questions about the ministry.  Who knows what God might do through this encounter someday?

6.  There are a couple of unique opportunities for publicity for "While We're Waiting" which will be coming up over the next several months.  More about those as they develop.

As you can probably tell, we are very excited about what God is doing with the "While We're Waiting" ministry.  We just believe so strongly in the healing that takes place when bereaved, but believing, parents get together to support, encourage, and pray for each other.  We believe in it because we've experienced it.  And we've had the joy of seeing others experience it as well.

While We're Waiting Mini-Retreat for Moms #4

Well, our fourth "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Moms is in the books.  And as I've said after each one ... it was amazing!

(If you're new to the blog and wondering what a "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Moms is, look at the top of the right hand column of this blog under "Pages" and click on the "Mini Retreat for Bereaved Moms" link).

Once again, God brought just the right group of moms together.  Our stories were all different, but the pain we had experienced in our losses was the same.  Some of our children never had the opportunity to take a breath on earth, and some lived to adulthood.  Some were killed suddenly and tragically, and some experienced long periods of illness.  As different as our stories were, our losses and our faith immediately bound us together.

There are some sweet ladies who have taken on "While We're Waiting" as part of their decorating ministry.  Yes, I said decorating ministry.  These ladies are uniquely gifted in creating beauty.  As a person who is not at all gifted in this area, I have a great appreciation for their work.  These ladies used a fun, whimsical spring theme in their decorating this time, and made for such a pleasant, comfortable setting.

Our conversation was, as always, rich and inspiring.  It is such a blessing to hear how other moms deal with things like how to handle your child's empty bedroom, or how the loss of your child can affect your relationships with other people, or what it's like to return to church after a loss like this.  These are just a few of the things we discussed yesterday.  I really think the best part about the whole day is just the opportunity to spend time with other moms who truly understand!  It's also a great relief to spend time talking about your child with people who are genuinely interested in hearing about him or her, and who are not made uncomfortable by the topic.  And the massage each mom receives in the afternoon releases even more stress!

And what mom doesn't love to be cooked for and waited upon?  That's how we ended our day, with a five-course gourmet meal prepared and served by our own private chef.  Here's a little glimpse of what we enjoyed...

Our appetizer:  A braised short loin meatball with a red pepper and tomato charassaco sauce...

Our salad:  Sweet apples with a pecan maple glaze, arugula with tomatoes, eggs, stilton, and smoked cashews, sweet vinaigrette...

The intermezzo:  A delicious lemon sorbet...

The entree':  Grilled pork medallions with ranch-style potatoes, yellow and white cauliflower, broccoli, and drizzled with basalmic...

Our dessert:  Fresh-made red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing sprinkled with macadamia nuts, and banana split ice cream.  The star is made with cocoa powder...

The eight of us moms started the day as strangers, but we ended the day as friends...bound together by our common losses and our common faith in an uncommon Savior.  I firmly believe that God deliberately puts each of these groups together, choosing just the right people to meet at just the right time.  I'm just so thankful for the opportunity to be a part of it!

Free-For-All-Friday -- A Collection of Random Thoughts

Random Thought #1 -- I am ridiculously excited about what God is doing with the While We're Waiting ministry lately!

Random Thought #2 -- Spring in Arkansas is exceptionally beautiful this year...loving all the spring blooms!

Random Thought #3 -- Whoever thought of spring break had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

Random Thought #4 -- Thinking about putting together a "While We're Waiting" team for the CureSearch Walk this year.  Hmmmm....

Random Thought #5 -- Joshua Ledet's performance of "When a Man Loves a Woman" on American Idol this week was amazing!

Random Thought #6 -- There's an awful lot of basketball on TV lately.

Random Thought #7 -- My daughter makes a pretty cute Powder Puff football player.

Random Thought #8 -- Looked through Hannah's closet the other day (where her clothes are still hanging), and noticed that most of her clothes are now out of style...Hard to believe she's been gone that long.

Random Thought #9 -- I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

Random Thought #10 -- I really don't want this to seem like a Ten on the Tenth list, so therefore, I give you...

Random Thought #11 -- Got Bethany registered for her senior year today...So happy to see her reaching these "growing up" milestones!

Monday Mourning -- "Weep Not For Me"

I continue to be amazed at the bond that forms between parents who have lost children.  It's an instant bond, that forms as soon as we meet, and it's a permanent bond, that remains even if we only meet once.

One of these dear friends sent me a message on Facebook this weekend.  She and I have actually only met once, at one of our While We're Waiting Mom's Days, but as bereaved moms, we bonded instantly, and have been close ever since.  Both of us lost our children to cancer, which bonds us even more closely.

In her message, she shared a beautiful story about a visit to her son's grave.  It really touched me, and with her permission, I'd like to share it with you.  I think it will encourage you, as it did me, especially if you've lost a loved one.

She and her husband visited their son's grave this weekend, which is located in an old cemetery where many of her dad's family members are buried.  Her husband rarely comes to the cemetery with her, because he has such a difficult time emotionally...something I can definitely relate to!  As they were leaving, they passed by a monument that had been broken in half.  It caught her eye, and she went over to it to see what it said.  She had to get down on her knees and scrape the moss off of it in order to read it.  It was a monument for a nine year old girl, her grandpa's sister, and this is what it said...

"Father and Mother, weep not for me, for I am waiting in Glory for thee."

She immediately felt that it was a message from God...a reminder that her son was in Heaven waiting for them...and she was filled with His comfort and peace.  She even felt that it was a turning point in her grief journey.

Then she said this ... "Can't believe I have been going to the cemetery all of my life but had to get down on my knees today to read what it said."

Wow.  Did you catch the depth of that statement?  She had to get down on her knees to read it.

I think there's a message there for all of us ... I know there's one for me.  Thank you, my sweet friend, for sharing your story with me, and for allowing me to share it with others.

Ten on the Tenth -- Heaven

When we moved to our little community several years ago, we had the good fortune of buying a house next door to Gerald and Catherine Taylor, a retired pastor and his wife, originally from El Dorado.  It didn't take us long to become acquainted, and in the past few years, they have become very precious to us.  They quickly became like grandparents to our girls, and "Brother Gerald" was the first person we called when Hannah was diagnosed with her brain tumor.  He came down the hill to our house, and spent quite a bit of time with us that evening, praying for us and comforting us as we processed this frightening news.  He shared Nahum 1:7 with us that evening, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him", and that verse became our theme as we walked through Hannah's cancer journey.  When it was time for Hannah's "Life Celebration" after she went to Heaven, we knew we wanted him to lead the service, and he did.

Occasionally, Brother Gerald preaches at our church, and for the past several Sunday evenings he's been preaching a series of sermons about the basic tenets of the Christian faith.  I love to hear him preach.  He's one of those preachers who has so much Scripture memorized, he is able to weave it seamlessly into his sermons without ever glancing down at his Bible.  It amazes me.

Anyway, this past Sunday evening, Brother Gerald took his place behind the pulpit and stated his sermon topic:  "Eight Things We Need To Know About Heaven."  What do you know...My favorite topic!  I started scrambling around for some paper and a pencil to take notes, and didn't have a thing with me.  So, at the risk of people thinking I was texting during church, I grabbed my phone, opened up the Notes app, and got busy.

Here are his eight points:

1.  Heaven is a real, actual place. "In my Father's house are many rooms.  If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. John 14:2-3."  It is a prepared place for a prepared people.

2.  Heaven is always described as a perfect place.  It is a place of perfect knowledge, perfect rest, and perfect joy.  All mysteries will be revealed.  I really like thinking about how wise Hannah must be now.  It does not bother me a bit that she has far surpassed her Mom in knowledge!  I look forward to her teaching me someday!

3.  Heaven is a populated place.  "After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, 'Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!' Rev. 7: 9-10."  Cool to think about, isn't it?

4.  Heaven is a permanent place.  The Greek word used in John 14 referring to "my Father's house" specifically refers to a "permanent dwelling that never changes."

5.  Heaven is a beautiful place.  One of the costliest, most valuable substances on earth, gold, is so common there, they make streets out of it.  "And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of Heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  Rev. 21: 2".  Heaven is full of the beauty of holiness.  There is nothing there that can defile it.

6.  Heaven is a place of unbroken fellowship.  Yes, we will have eternal fellowship with our friends and loved ones who have gone on before, but we will also have eternal fellowship with God Himself. "Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.  I Thess. 4: 17."

7.  Heaven is a place of reward.  "Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done.  Rev. 22:12."  Our greatest reward will be the people who are in Heaven because of us.

8.  Heaven is our home.  There is no need for a passport or tourist visa.  This world is like a hotel room...temporary at best.  Heaven is our real home.

That was the end of Brother Gerald's sermon.  So these last two points are mine.  (We can't have only 8 on the 10th now, can we?)

9.  Heaven is the place we were created for.  If we feel incomplete here, and I certainly do, it's because this is not where we belong.  We were created for something so much better!

10.  Heaven is the place where Hannah is.  We didn't "lose" her on February 26, 2009 ... We know exactly where she is.  And I am looking forward to the day I see her again in that real, perfect, populated, beautiful, permanent, rewarding home, where our fellowship will be eternally unbroken!

Tell About It Tuesday -- "Fearless"

Today I want to tell you about the release of a new book on Amazon!  Well, technically, it hasn't actually been released yet, but it is now available to be pre-ordered in the Kindle format.  It is the story of Navy SEAL Adam Brown, who is the son of our dear friends, Larry and Janice Brown, from here in Hot Springs.  

God put us together with Larry and Janice in late 2010, several months after Adam had been killed in Afghanistan.  We immediately bonded, as all parents who have lost children seem to do, and have been close friends ever since.  Larry and Janice are our partners in the "While We're Waiting" ministry, and they have ministered to us in more ways than I can describe here.  

Several months ago, they were contacted by Eric Blehm, an author with Random House publishers, about writing a book about Adam's life.  They consented, and the lengthy, and somewhat painful process began.  You see, Adam wasn't always a "hero".  He was a man who struggled with his sin nature, just as we all do.  Eventually, though, through the faithful support of his parents and siblings and his wife, Kelley, he became a man after God's own heart.  It was hard for the Browns to have to re-live those dark days as they shared Adam's story with Mr. Blehm, but they felt it was important to be honest about both his victories and his struggles.

Below you will find a description of the book, copied directly from the Amazon website.  Read it, then connect to Amazon.com and pre-order it!  The book will be available in Kindle format on May 22nd.  I'm not sure when the print edition will be available, but I would guess it won't be long after the 22nd.  I, for one, can't wait to read it!

Fearless: The Heroic Story of One Navy SEAL's Sacrifice in the Hunt for Osama Bin Laden and the Unwavering Devotion of the Woman Who Loved Him

Fearless takes you deep into SEAL Team Six, straight to the heart of one of it’s most legendary operators.
When Navy SEAL Adam Brown woke up on March 17, 2010, he didn’t know he would die that night in the Hindu Kush Mountains of Afghanistan—but he was ready: In a letter to his children, not meant to be seen unless the worst happened, he had written, “I’m not afraid of anything that might happen to me on this Earth, because I know no matter what, nothing can take my spirit from me.”
        
But long before Adam Brown became a member of the elite SEAL Team Six—the counterterrorism unit that took down Osama bin Laden—there was a fun-loving country boy from Arkansas whose greatest goal had been to wear his high school’s football jersey. An undersized daredevil, prone to jumping off roofs into trees and off bridges into lakes, Adam was a kid who broke his own bones but would never break a promise to his parents … until he grew older, and his family watched that appetite for risk draw him into a downward spiral that eventually landed him in jail.       

FEARLESS is the story of a man of extremes, whose determination was fueled by faith, family, and the love of a woman. It’s about a man who waged a war against his own worst impulses and persevered to reach the top tier of the U.S. military. Always the first to volunteer for the most dangerous assignments, Adam’s final act of bravery led to the ultimate sacrifice.

FEARLESS is the intimate story of a devoted man who was an unlikely hero but a true warrior, described by all who knew him as just that—fearless.

Monday Mourning -- A Strange Feeling...

As of today, Bethany has gone a week farther into her junior year than Hannah ever did.  True, Hannah did not attend school very much during her junior year, but up until the date of her death, she was enrolled as a student at Magnet Cove High School.

It's hard to explain how strange it feels to know that my younger daughter has now surpassed my older daughter.  My girls were three grades apart in school; and as it happened, they were never in the same school building at the same time.  They had always looked forward to Hannah's senior year and Bethany's ninth grade year, when they would finally have been in the high school together.  That never happened, because Hannah did not make it through February of her junior year.

Now Bethany is in March of her junior year.  And it just feels strange.  Don't get me wrong...I am overjoyed that Bethany is with us...that she's healthy, that she's enjoying school and athletics, and that she's doing so well in so many ways.  I am so thankful for that!  It's just that it doesn't seem right that she has passed up her sister.  There's something that feels so unnatural about it.

She's still younger than Hannah was at this point in her junior year.  Hannah had an October birthdate, so she was 17 for almost all of her junior year.  Bethany, on the other hand, has a June birthdate, so she won't turn 17 until after her junior year.  I'm sure it will really feel strange when Bethany actually becomes older than Hannah.  Who ever thinks their younger child will someday be older than their older child?

I have to remind myself that Hannah is ageless now ... She lives beyond the constraints of time.  Seriously, how cool is that?  And, as competitive as Hannah was academically (and believe me, she was!), I don't think she minds a bit that her baby sister has passed her up!

State Tournament Wrap-Up

Well, the Lady Panthers' moment in the sun was brilliant, but unfortunately, rather short-lived.

Their first game on Friday was a huge success, against a team that had a 30-2 record coming into the game.  I'll let the scoreboard speak for itself...

Yes, we were the "Visitors"!  This win put our team into the "Elite Eight", or the top eight teams in the state for our size category.

The girls went into Friday's game with high hopes, but came out with a disappointing loss.  The final score was 53-45, which really doesn't reflect how close the game was.  It was back and forth the whole game, with several lead changes, but we were forced to foul down the stretch in an attempt to get the ball back.  Unfortunately, they were excellent free throw shooters, and did not miss.

So now, we move on to life after basketball.  I'm already becoming a little bit giddy, just thinking about all those nice evenings we can spend at home instead of at the gym.  And Bethany's just a junior, so we still have one more year to look forward to.  She'll be turning her attention to high jumping now.  Track season is definitely less busy, and I think we're all looking forward to that!

Congratulations on a great season, Lady Panthers!  It was fun!