It seems that I find myself missing the things I'm missing with Hannah more and more these days. Wait ... What?
Let me try to explain. After 3 1/2 years, I've almost gotten "used to" her absence. I don't expect her to walk in the door after school, I don't check my phone to see if she's texted me, I know she's not going to be in her bedroom in the morning. Not that I don't miss her presence anymore ... I will continue to miss her until the day we are reunited in Heaven! It's just that I know I will not see her until then, and I've had to come to terms with that.
What I miss now are the things I'm missing. The weekend visits home from college, the new boyfriend who might possibly be a son-in-law someday, the shopping trips together ... becoming friends with the woman my little girl grew into.
But let's think about this together ... What is it that every parent wants for their children?
We want them to grow up happy and healthy.
We want them to graduate from high school.
We want them to be successful after high school -- go to college, join the military, or start a career.
We want them to marry a wonderful Christian spouse.
We want them to have children of their own one day.
We want them to serve the Lord in all they do.
I look at this list, and I think ... It is so not fair, and not right, that my child didn't get to do any of these things. And I didn't get to enjoy seeing her do any of these things.
But let's think just a little bit deeper. Besides all those things listed above, what is truly our ultimate goal for our children?
We want them to go to Heaven someday.
Isn't that true? Isn't that why we start bringing them to the church nursery six weeks after they're born, why we have them involved in the church's preschool program, why we bring them to children's choir and AWANA, why we make them go to youth group even when they'd rather stay home and watch TV on Wednesday nights? Isn't that why we read them Bible stories, whisper bedtime prayers with them, and rejoice when they receive Jesus Christ as their Savior?
We want our children to go to Heaven when they die.
What a great reminder that is to me when I sadly think of all the goals and dreams I had for Hannah that were unfulfilled ... because in an eternal perspective, none of that really matters.
Because my ultimate goal for her has been fulfilled. She is in Heaven, right where she was created to be ... I'm the one who's out of place. Thankfully, my parents had the same ultimate goal for me, and because I accepted Jesus as my Savior too, I will be able to join her one day.
What a wonderful thought for this Monday Mourning!