And look where we are today!
Unlike her older sister, who was in no hurry to drive, Bethany got her permit the day after she turned fourteen. And I've been fighting her for the wheel ever since then. The girl loves to drive! A few months ago, we purchased this car for her...a 2006 Honda Civic...the perfect blend of good gas mileage and high safety ratings and an adequate level of "coolness". We wanted her to have plenty of opportunity to practice with "her" car before we turned her loose on her own.
Now that day is almost here. Tomorrow, she'll be driving solo. And honestly, it scares me to death. I don't remember being this freaked out when Hannah turned 16....and Hannah was not nearly as good of a driver as Bethany is! I think one reason for that is because Hannah didn't particularly like to drive, and I knew she wasn't going to be wanting to drive all the time. But I know the real reason why I'm on the verge of hyperventilating tonight.
I know now that bad things can happen to "good" people. I know that things you never thought could happen to you, can happen to you. I know that just because you're a person of faith, doesn't mean you are immune from suffering. And I know that just because you've lost one child, doesn't mean you can't lose another.
I read this poem on my friend Kelley's blog the other day, and I couldn't believe how exactly it mirrored my feelings. Kelley lost her firstborn son, Grayson, to SIDS in 2002, so this poem describes her feelings as well.
Sometimes I may hug you a little too tight,
I may even check on you ten times a night,
Sometimes I may kiss you a little too much,
Cling to you, sing to you, tickle and such,
As you grow up you may notice me kissing your nose,
Touching your hair, feeling your toes,
I may cry when you walk, laugh when you talk,
Scream when you're late, coming home from your date,
I may very often pull you near
Because I don't want you to see my tears,
I never will want you to have my fears,
Because I need you to know I hold you so dear,
Cause you see, I'm not just your mother,
A long time ago, I lost another.
Happy birthday, sweet girl! I love you!