Today marks 18 months since Hannah left this world for Heaven. Sometimes, it seems like forever since I last saw her face; sometimes, it seems like it was just a few minutes ago. Tonight, it feels like forever.
Before Hannah's homegoing, I was completely unacquainted with grief. I had never lost anyone close to me before, other than grandparents, who were "supposed" to die. I assumed that when you lost a loved one, you were sad for awhile...maybe three or four months or so...and then you "got over it". I'm almost embarrassed to admit that now...how completely ignorant I was! I had no idea that that sadness lasts, and lasts, and lasts.
Early on in our grief, we were told the following: "The hole will always be there, but the edges will become less sharp." I have found that to be very true. The intensity of the grief has diminished, but the hole is definitely still there. And I guess I would have to say that I don't want the hole to go away, and I don't want to fill it with anything else either. That hole is what makes me yearn for Heaven, and for the time when God will set all things right.
I've been surprised at how, even after 18 months, Hannah never seems to leave my thoughts. It's not like I just sit around thinking about her, but as I go about my daily activities, she's always there in my mind. And they're not really sad thoughts (at least most of the time), it's more just wondering what she'd think about something, or what she's doing right now.
And I wonder what it will feel like in another 18 months...or in 18 years, for that matter. I no longer expect to be "over it" by then. All I do know is that eternity is a loooooong time, and these 18 months or 18 years will be like the blink of an eye in retrospect! In the meantime, I'm going to keep gathering manna! (See previous post.)
Good news tonight...Jed Harper had his last chemo treatment yesterday! You can click on the "Praying for Jedidiah" link in the right hand column to get caught up on his story. He's been such a courageous and faithful little fighter. He'll be having his next scans on September 8...please join me in praying for complete healing from cancer with no recurrence!
Also, we've launched our "Sovereign in the Storm" website at www.thesullivan4.com. You can click (here) if you'd like to find out more about how you can have our family come share our testimony with your church, Sunday School class, youth group, or organization. We're excited about how God may choose to use Hannah's story to advance His kingdom!