Monday Mourning -- Held (Now I Get It!)

I remember the first time I heard this song ... And I really didn't like it very much. We had just recently moved to the Hot Springs area, and we were in the church-visiting process.  The soloist did a beautiful job ... She certainly had a gorgeous voice.  But I didn't really like the song.  I thought it had a very strange tempo and meter ... In fact, I remember remarking after the service that it sounded to me like the soloist was making it up as it went along.  But most of all, I think I just didn't "get it."  Sure, I understood what the songwriter was trying to say, and I could appreciate the truth in the lyrics, but at that point in my life, there was nothing in the song that applied to me personally.  My family of four was complete, I had never heard of glioblastoma, and life was easy and good.

I really enjoy K-LOVE radio, and it's pretty much always on in our car.  If I have one critique of K-LOVE, though, it's that they will play a particular song ad nauseam for four or five months, and then drop it completely off their playlist.  This particular song became very popular, and was played countless times over the next several months on K-LOVE radio.  After hearing it so many times, I would find myself singing along with it without even paying attention to the words.  Eventually, new songs came along, and this song faded off of K-LOVE's regular playlist.

Just the other day, I was driving home from work, listening to K-LOVE as usual, when this song came on.  It had been a long time since I'd heard it, so I turned up the volume and really listened to the words.  It wasn't long until I nearly had to pull over.  Wow ... It was like a completely different song to me.  I get it now.  I know what it is like to be appalled when the healing does not come and a child is taken from her mother.  I know how it feels to survive after the sacred has been torn from your life. And I know what it is to wonder why we aren't saved from nightmares.

But I also know that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held.  And I've experienced the fulfillment of that promise personally.  And I'm so thankful that I've been held.


 

(If you receive this blog post via email, you may need to click through to watch the video.)

Monday Mourning -- Living in the Temporary

This has got to be one of my all-time favorite pictures.  On the left, of course, is Hannah, and on the right is her best friend, Brittany.  They were probably in about 5th or 6th grade, and they were riding a roller coaster at Magic Springs.  As you can see, they're having so much fun.

What's that you say?  They don't look like they're having fun to you?

No, I guess they don't really look like they're having fun to me, either.  In fact, I think they look positively terrified.

You see, this is why I don't ride roller coasters.  Why would someone willingly subject themselves to such terror, even in the name of fun?  I'll keep my feet firmly planted on the ground, thank you very much.

It's not like I haven't tried. When I was a kid, I used to love scary rides, and I rode them at every opportunity.  Of course, growing up in rural northern Wisconsin, my only opportunity to ride rides came around once a year at the county fair.  I would ride the Rock-O-Planes and the Scrambler as many times as I could afford to buy tickets for them.

I'm not sure at what point in my life I lost my love for scary rides.  Maybe it was when I discovered that there were rides bigger and scarier than what they had at the Price County Fair.  But at some point I realized that those stomach-twisting turns and drops just weren't for me.

It seems trite to say that life is like a roller coaster ... It's definitely a comparison that's been over-applied.  But maybe it's been said so often because it's actually true.

Think about it ...

• Life is a series of twists, turns, drops, and hills.  Sometimes we can't seem them coming, and we are caught by surprise when the bottom suddenly drops out ... and sometimes we can see them coming, and live in dread and suspense while we approach the inevitable.
• We have no control over where the roller coaster takes us.  All we can do is stay seated, keep our hands and feet in the car, and trust that the track's designer is thoroughly acquainted with the concept of gravity.  
• Even though the trajectory of the roller coaster is completely out of our hands, there is a master designer who is thoroughly familiar with every twist and turn it will be making.  He designed the track specifically for us ... none of it catches Him by surprise ... and He will see us safely to the end.

And finally, here is the point I was really aiming for from the very beginning of this post...

When I'm on a roller coaster, it seems like the ride lasts forever.  I find myself bouncing like a pinball off the sides of the car, completely at the mercy of the ride, trying to catch my breath enough to scream, hoping I don't toss my cookies on the person next to me, anxiously anticipating the end of this "fun."  And then, with a sudden jerk, it's over.  The ride has ended.  

Life can be like that.  We look around us and see bald children battling cancer, people living in tents beside earthquake-ravaged homes, American soldiers coming home in flag-draped coffins, ruthless dictators spewing hatred ... and we wonder when this ride is ever going to end.  Not to say that there isn't also great joy and beauty to be found in life ... please don't misunderstand me here ... but this world will never be our home, and it's not meant to be.  I don't care how much you like roller coasters ... Who wants to ride one forever?

We are living in the temporary.  Yes, God has a purpose for us here, and we should be about His business while we're waiting for the ride to end, but we should always keep in mind that we are living in the temporary.  Somehow, on this Monday Mourning, that makes it a little bit easier to wait.

Free for All Friday -- on Saturday!

Is it really the 29th of September?  How is that even possible?

The days and weeks seem to be just flying by.  Guess that means we're keeping busy!  Here are a few things we've been up to recently...

1.  Bethany and I went on our first college visit!  She already knows she wants to be a Razorback, and she even has a roommate lined up, so we had a great time visiting the campus of the University of Arkansas in Fayetteville.  We got the full campus tour, which was fun, and toured a couple of residence halls.  We came home and filled out the online application form ... now we're just waiting for formal approval.  Then, we start the scholarship application process!  The way Razorback football has been going lately, we're thinking maybe she can get a football scholarship!  :)

2.  The day after we got home from our trip to Fayetteville, we had Bethany's senior pictures taken!  The photographer is a friend of mine, and she and her husband create the monthly newsletters for the Anchor of Hope Cancer ministry.  She is a fantastic photographer and you can check out her website here.  She made the session so much fun ... I think she was as excited as we were about it!  We don't have the pictures yet, but here's a sneak peek.  It's not the greatest quality picture ... I took it with my phone ... but you can kind of get the idea.

3.  I've also been keeping busy working on "While We're Waiting" stuff.  In the wake of our non-profit approval by the IRS, I've been doing all of the paperwork necessary for Arkansas approval.  And, just like before, I really have no idea what I'm doing.  Hopefully, I've done enough right to get us approved without any major problems.  

4.  Speaking of "While We're Waiting", I've been humbled and awed by the number of people who have been registering for our upcoming events.  Our Dads' Weekend is coming up in two weeks (Oct. 12-14), and it is nearly full ... we have room for one more Dad if you know someone who might like to come.  Our Parents' Weekend scheduled for November 2-4 is full, and we have had to close registration.  So, wee have scheduled another one for April 5-7, and already have two parents registered.  Our Moms' Day scheduled for January 19 is full, and we've closed registration for that one, but we have already set another one for March 9.  And God is sending folks from all over the country ... in addition to Arkansas, we have from Moms and Dads coming from Texas, Kentucky, Mississippi, Tennessee, Nebraska, and even New York.  God is blessing this ministry, and we are grateful.

5.  I saw on TV this morning that there are only 38 days until the election.  That's hard to believe.  I cannot imagine an election more important to the future of our nation.  Please, please educate yourself about the issues and vote!

6.  I'm still reading the classics on my treadmill in the mornings ... just finished Don Quixote, and started The House of the Seven Gables yesterday.  I didn't love Don Quixote, but at least now I know what a Quixotic character is when I hear that term.  And you never know when that knowledge might come in handy.

7.  Made some Pinterest cookies this afternoon.  They are awesome ... in fact, they're already almost gone.  So far, I've only tried one Pinterest recipe that turned out to be a total flop.  It's so nice to have some new things to cook for a change!

8.  Looking forward to the cooler weather that's supposed to move into Arkansas next week.  I'm ready for some "hoodie weather"!

9.  I need to close out this post, because it's almost time to Skype with my family in Indonesia ... something I look forward to every week!

Oh, and guess what!?!  I had written about half of this post, then saved it and took a little trip to Wal-Mart.  When I got back home, I checked the mail, and found an envelope from the Arkansas Department of Finance and Administration in my box ... addressed to "While We're Waiting".  I quickly tore into it, and Yes!  WWW has been approved as a nonprofit corporation in the state of Arkansas!  Just one more step forward for this ministry!  Praise God!

Tell About It Tuesday -- Drum Roll, Please....!!

It's time for a big announcement.....

The "While We're Waiting" ministry has officially been granted 501(c)3 non-profit status by the Internal Revenue Service!!  

Let me just tell you ... This is nothing less than a miracle.  And here's why.  About a year ago, we sat down with Larry and Janice Brown, the co-founders of While We're Waiting, and discussed our desire to seek non-profit status for this ministry.  We all wanted to do it, knowing that it would open up multiple fund-raising avenues for WWW; however, we had no money to hire an accountant or an attorney to assist us in the process.  And none of us had the faintest inkling about how to set up a non-profit ministry.

So I ordered a book off the internet titled How to Form a Non-Profit Corporation, and basically "winged it."  First we had to file for an employer identification number and register as a corporation with the state of Arkansas, all of which was fairly easy.  We had to write by-laws and establish a board of directors ... no problem.  Then we had the daunting task of completing the monstrous IRS Form 1023 with its multiple attachments.  I did my best to fill that thing out, following the advice of my handy-dandy book, and ran everything past the rest of the board.  Eventually we decided that it all sounded pretty good, and put our signatures at the bottom.  Sometime in January of 2012, I wrote the check for the application fee and stuck it in the mailbox.  I prayed over it as I mailed it ... simply asking that God would allow whoever eventually read it to look upon it with favor.

In a surprisingly short time, I received an official-looking letter from the IRS.  I ripped open the envelope and read the letter.  The writer acknowledged receipt of our application, and explained that non-profit applications are placed into one of three categories.  One, it would be approved with no changes; two, minor changes would be required for its approval; or three, the application required "further development" and would be assigned to an IRS development specialist.

Yes, of course, we fell into category three.  And, wouldn't you know it, there was a backlog in assigning these applications to development specialists, and they hoped we wouldn't mind the inconvenience of waiting an unspecified amount of time for our application to even be assigned to someone.  Oh, but there was a website we could go to to see what month they were working on, in case we wondered how long it could potentially take.

I was not the least bit surprised.  I was sure our application was going to require a LOT more development if it had any chance of being approved, especially since we had no idea what we were doing when we filled it out.

I checked the website, and sure enough, they were about six months behind in assigning applications to development specialists.  Ugh!  Because I knew that once we got assigned to this development specialist, it would probably be like starting all over ... I just knew our application was sorely lacking.

As each month has gone by, I've faithfully checked that website to see where we were at in the process, and for a time, the applications were moving forward at a pretty decent pace.  I was thinking that maybe we would hear something by late summer.  At least we would be assigned to one of these specialists and have an idea what we were dealing with!  Then the process seemed to grind to a halt.  All forward motion on the IRS's part came to an end, and I had begun to think that if we heard something by Christmas, we'd be doing good.  In the meantime, though, I kept praying that whoever that enormous application landed in front of would look upon it with favor.  Maybe they would even be a Christian parent who had lost a child, and they were see the vision of what we were trying to do with While We're Waiting.

Well, this past Saturday, we had one of our While We're Waiting Moms' Days at Janice's home.  We spent the day with five wonderful Moms and heard the stories of the lives of their precious children.  God blessed us with an amazing time of fellowship and encouragement.  It was truly an awesome day. Just as we said good-bye to the last sweet Mom, and she pulled out of the driveway, my husband pulled in.  This was no big surprise, as he and Janice's husband often show up at the end of our Moms' Days looking for leftovers!  :)

When Brad walked in the door, the first thing I noticed was a big white envelope sticking out of his pocket and his bigger-than-usual grin.  My heart and mind were so full from the day we'd just had ... I wondered why he was carrying an envelope in his pocket, but it never occurred to me what it was.  Until he pulled it out and waved it around and said, "Guess what came in the mail today?", and then before I could answer, he hollered, "We're approved!"

I had to see it for myself.  Sure enough, the letter stated it as plainly as could be ... "We are pleased to inform you that upon review of your application for tax exempt status we have determined that you are exempt from Federal income tax under section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code.  Contributions to you are deductible under Section 170 of the Code.  You are also qualified to receive tax deductible bequests, devises, transfers or gifts under Section 2055, 2016 or 2522 of the Code."  It did NOT say, "That was the most ridiculous application we have ever received!  What were you thinking?  You're going to have to start completely over from the beginning," like I thought it was going to say.  No development specialist.  Just total approval.

I have probably lost most of you by this point.  I realize that this is probably interesting to nobody but me.  Why go into all this detail?

Simply to show that only God could have done this.

This application was completed by four totally ignorant people sitting around a kitchen table, using only a book purchased off the Internet as a resource ... and God took it and got it approved with no further development required in just nine months time!  From what I've always heard about non-profit applications, that simply does not happen.

For the four of us, it is confirmation that God's hand is on this ministry.  And we are so thankful.

Now for the next step.  We have to learn how to run a non-profit corporation.  Hmmmm ... Wonder if Amazon's got a book about that.....   :)

Monday Mourning -- Every Parent's Ultimate Goal

It seems that I find myself missing the things I'm missing with Hannah more and more these days.  Wait ... What?

Let me try to explain.  After 3 1/2 years, I've almost gotten "used to" her absence.  I don't expect her to  walk in the door after school, I don't check my phone to see if she's texted me, I know she's not going to be in her bedroom in the morning.  Not that I don't miss her presence anymore ... I will continue to miss her until the day we are reunited in Heaven!  It's just that I know I will not see her until then, and I've had to come to terms with that.

What I miss now are the things I'm missing.  The weekend visits home from college, the new boyfriend who might possibly be a son-in-law someday, the shopping trips together ... becoming friends with the woman my little girl grew into.

But let's think about this together ... What is it that every parent wants for their children?

We want them to grow up happy and healthy.

We want them to graduate from high school.

We want them to be successful after high school -- go to college, join the military, or start a career.

We want them to marry a wonderful Christian spouse.

We want them to have children of their own one day.

We want them to serve the Lord in all they do.

I look at this list, and I think ... It is so not fair, and not right, that my child didn't get to do any of these things.  And I didn't get to enjoy seeing her do any of these things.

But let's think just a little bit deeper.  Besides all those things listed above, what is truly our ultimate goal for our children?

We want them to go to Heaven someday.

Isn't that true?  Isn't that why we start bringing them to the church nursery six weeks after they're born, why we have them involved in the church's preschool program, why we bring them to children's choir and AWANA, why we make them go to youth group even when they'd rather stay home and watch TV on Wednesday nights?  Isn't that why we read them Bible stories, whisper bedtime prayers with them, and rejoice when they receive Jesus Christ as their Savior?

We want our children to go to Heaven when they die.

What a great reminder that is to me when I sadly think of all the goals and dreams I had for Hannah that were unfulfilled ... because in an eternal perspective, none of that really matters.

Because my ultimate goal for her has been fulfilled.  She is in Heaven, right where she was created to be ... I'm the one who's out of place.  Thankfully, my parents had the same ultimate goal for me, and because I accepted Jesus as my Savior too, I will be able to join her one day.

What a wonderful thought for this Monday Mourning!

Tell About It Tuesday -- The ABC's of Me!

Internet Meme (meem):  A concept that spreads via the Internet.

I've never done a meme before, although I occasionally see them on other people's blogs.  When I saw this one the other day on Melanie's blog, I decided to go ahead and give it a try.  So, on this "Tell About It Tuesday", I guess I'll tell you all about me ... alphabetically!

A.  Age:  46.  I don't know why, but it's never bothered me to tell my age.

B.  Bed Size:  King.  I love my king-sized bed.

C.  Chore that you you hate:  Mopping.  I actually hate any chore that has to do with the floors.  The others really don't bother me that much.

D.  Dogs:  A West Highland White Terrier named Lacee.  You can see her picture in the column on the right.  She can be a little flaky at times, but she brings us a lot of joy.

E.  Essential start to your day:  I don't have to have it, but I sure do like a glass of sweet tea in the morning!

F.  Favorite color:  Um ... I don't really have a favorite color.  Cheesy as it sounds, I like all colors.

G.  Gold or Silver:  Silver!  Of course, white gold is great, too!  ;-)

H.  Height:  5'9", and so thankful that "long" length pants are easier to find these days!

I.   Instrument you'd like to play:  I'd love to be able to play the piano beautifully and effortlessly.  The two years of lessons I took as a kid in Wisconsin didn't really take me too far in that direction.  Maybe if I had practiced like I was supposed to...

J.  Job Title:  Speech-Language Pathologist and Certified Academic Language Therapist.  You just about have to be a speech pathologist to be able to say both of those titles in a single sentence.

K.  Kids:  Bethany, who is a senior in high school, and Hannah, who is living it up in Heaven.

L.  Live:  Arkansas.  When I was twelve years old and moved from Wisconsin to Arkansas, I thought my life was over.  Now, I can't see myself ever leaving Arkansas.

M.  Mother's Name:  Elizabeth Nina -- better known as "Betty"!

N.  Nicknames:  When I was a kid, I was known by my family as "Jilly Bean" or "Jill the Pill".  I guess it depended on my mood that day.  More recently, it's been "Word Nerd" or my personal preference, "The Word Fairy."  I have earned these monikers by being the person who can always be depended upon to give examples of basically any type of spelling rule -- A sometimes helpful skill in an elementary school.

O.  Overnight hospital stays:  For myself, just when my girls were born.  With my second child, my insurance kicked me out within 24 hours.  Three days later, I returned for a more lengthy stay with a raging infection.  I also spent many, many nights in the hospital with Hannah when she was being treated for cancer.  I've never counted them up.

P.  Pet peeves:  Incompetence, complaining, and bad grammar.  Um...Maybe that's where the "Word Nerd" handle came from.

Q.  Quote from a movie:  "You saw me when I was invisible." ~ Princess Diaries

R.  Right or left handed:  Right handed.  If I ever break my right arm, I'm in trouble.

S.  Siblings:  Two brothers.  My older brother is a jeweler in northern Arkansas, and my much younger brother is a missionary pilot in Indonesia with Mission Aviation Fellowship.

T.  Time it takes you to get ready:  That depends on whether you count the hour I spend on the treadmill every morning.  Minus that, it takes me 30 minutes or less.

U.  Ultimate vacation:  Anywhere with a tropical climate, a white sand beach, palm trees, scuba-worthy water, and my family.

V.  Vegetable you hate:  Boiled okra.  Fried okra I like, along with pretty much every other kind of vegetable.

W.  What makes you run late:  Staying on the computer too long  ... Facebook, Pinterest, catching up on blog reading ...

X.  X-Rays you've had:  Not many.  Chest for pneumonia, and my wrist when I fell roller skating in junior high.  Both were negative.

Y.  Yummy food that you make:  Mississippi Mud Cake.  Hannah's favorite, and what I make every year for her birthday.

Z.  Zoo animal:  Penguins!  I even have an app on my phone that allows me to watch penguins live at a zoo in California.  I love how they're so slow and clumsy on land, but can zip through the water with such grace and ease.

So, there you have it.  More about me than you ever wanted to know!

Ten on the Tenth -- Ten Things To Know About Fear

You know, when my daughter was diagnosed with a particularly frightening form of cancer, and subsequently went to Heaven, I can remember clearly thinking I had nothing left to fear in life.  The thing that every parent fears most -- the death of a precious child -- had happened to me, and I had survived.  At least I was still walking, talking and breathing.  And at that point in time, that was surviving.  I even remember it being a strangely freeing feeling -- I was afraid of nothing.

But, as time has passed, fear has begun sneaking back into my life.  Especially as Bethany gets older, nearly surpassing her older sister in age now, and gains more and more independence.  Every time she gets in her car, every time I think about her going to college far from home next year, every time she complains of a headache ... there is fear.

So, when I read a post by Ann Voskamp on her blog a couple of months ago, it really spoke to me.  Ann Voskamp is the author of One Thousand Gifts, which I highly recommend, and her blog is just beautiful.

Anyway, this month's Ten on the Tenth is credited to Ann Voskamp, and it goes like this:

Ten Things to Know About Fear

1.  Don't fear failing.  Fear not obeying.

2.  Fear is a fraud.  Nowhere on earth is beyond the reach of God.

3.  All fear is but the notion that God's love ends.

4.  Your fears don't decide your fate -- Your fears destroy your faith.

5.  We must do that which we know we cannot -- To prove that it's our God who cannot fail.

Our God appoints those who will disappoint -- To point to a God who never disappoints.

6.  Travel in the direction of your fears -- To let God direct your life.

7.  Fear doesn't stop the really bad things as much as it stops you from living.

8.  It's impossible to simultaneously feel fear -- And give thanks.

9.  Everything your Father has for you -- Is over the fence of fear.

10.  Do not feed the ducks, or the bears, or the fears -- Instead, feed your soul on the Word that is the Bread of Life.

I hope you didn't just skim over that list.  There are some really profound statements in there ... some things we can really hold on to when that spirit of fear tries to take over our lives.  What a great reminder on this Monday morning! 

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control."  2 Timothy 1:7

Thoughtful Thursday -- "How Do You Keep From Losing Your Faith?"

This week, my husband was asked a question by a man who is grieving the loss of a child.  Point blank, this man asked Brad, "How do you keep from losing your faith?"

What a profound question.  We spend a lot of time talking with parents who have lost children, and have discussed lots of questions, but I don't think anyone has ever asked that question quite so directly.

"How do you keep from losing your faith?"

I'm glad he didn't ask me that question.  I'm not good at thinking on my feet ... It takes time (and sometimes writing it out!) for me to fully respond to a question of that depth.  And this guy was clearly not looking for a "Sunday School answer."  Well, you know, all things work together for good... was not going to do it for him.

Ever since Brad told me about that conversation, I've been thinking about the answer to that question.  How did we keep from losing our faith ... after a diagnosis of terminal cancer for our teenage daughter, a year of grueling radiation and chemotherapy treatments, the unspeakably horrifying experience of watching our daughter take her final breaths, and now living without her presence for nearly four years?

Is it because we are some kind of super Christians, with faith that's faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings with a single bound?  Is it because we have some kind of inside track to God, some secret source of strength that no one else knows about?  Absolutely not.  

There is nothing unique or special about us.  Though we have never come close to losing our faith, our faith has certainly been shaken by the events of the last few years.

So, when something truly horrible happens, how do you keep from losing your faith?

For me, it all comes down to holding on to what you know.  When you're going through a terrible loss, your feelings and emotions are all over the place.  They are very real, and very present, but you can't trust them.  Your feelings will tell you that God is not good, that God has failed you, that God can't be trusted.  And, believe me, Satan will take advantage of those feelings to plant those doubts in your mind and in your heart.  You have to accept the fact that those feelings are going to be there ... but you can't let them eclipse what you know to be true.

And what do we know?

• We know that God is sovereign.  He is not surprised by anything that happens on this earth.  Each one of us has a specific number of days to live, and this was determined by God before we were born.  Psalm 139:15-16
• We know that God does not change.  Hebrews 13:8
• We know that God is good.  Nahum 1:7
• We know that our loved one is in Heaven, if he or she knew Jesus as his or her Savior, and that we will be reunited with them one day.  Revelation 22:3-5
• We know that we will not be crushed, left in despair, abandoned or destroyed.  2 Corinthians 4:8-10
• We know that weeping will not last forever, but will be replaced with rejoicing.  Psalm 30:5
• We know that God is close to the brokenhearted and will save those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 24:18
• We know that God is our Redeemer, and that He will redeem all of our losses one day.  Job 19:25
• We know that God sees the big picture, and He is able to bring eternal value out of our suffering.  Isaiah 46:9-10.
• We know that God loves us with an everlasting love.  Psalm 36:7

Does knowing these things relieve our pain?  No, not really.  Our grief is still very real, and can be excruciating.  But, if we remember what we know, it will help us fight off some of those questions and doubts that assail us during these times of suffering.  

Randy Alcorn says, "The faith that can't be shaken is the faith that has been shaken."  This is so true.  I have been so privileged to listen to many bereaved parents describe with tear-filled voices how their faith was shaken to the core when they lost their children ... and how their faith is now stronger than it's ever been.  

"How do you keep from losing your faith?"

By fully leaning on what you know.  

"In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith--more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire--may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ."  I Peter 1:6-7

Monday Mourning -- Give 'Em a Hug

Yes, I know it's not Monday ... Sigh.  Might as well get used to my days being a little bit off, now that we're back on the school schedule.  I just can't get posts up when I intend to anymore.  If you can just hang in there until next May, I promise I'll pull it back together.  In the meantime...

I really don't have a lot to say tonight, other than "Give 'em a hug."  Because you never know when you'll be seeing your loved one for the last time.

On Saturday, a boy was walking with a friend in central Arkansas when he was suddenly swept into a storm drain and drowned.  This young man was the nephew of a good friend and co-worker.  I'm sure that when he walked out the door that afternoon and said, "See ya, Mom!", his mom had no idea that her life and the life of her family was about to change forever.  What she would give for just one more hug from him!  My heart has been broken for this family ever since I heard the news.  Thankfully, this little boy knew Jesus as his Savior, so he and his parents will be reunited one day.

Then, this morning, I heard the news that the pastor of my parents' church in Mountain Home was killed in a motorcycle wreck.  He had been the pastor of this church for twenty years.  He was an outstanding member of the community, serving as chaplain for the sheriff's department.  On Sunday morning he was in the pulpit ... on Monday evening, he was in Heaven.  Who would have thought it?  I'm sure his family (and his congregation) is aching for one more hug from him.

I personally know dozens of parents who would give anything for one more hug from their children.  I would give anything for one more hug from my child!

So, what am I saying?  Give 'em a hug.  Every time they walk out the door.  I can promise you, you'll never regret it.

Wacky Wednesday -- Are You An Introvert?

Introversion has gotten a lot of attention in the blogosphere lately.  There have been lots of books published on the topic recently, and I particularly enjoyed a book titled "Introverts in the Church:  Finding our Place in an Extraverted Culture" by Adam S. McHugh.  One of these days, when I have time again, I'd like to write a post about that book.

Anyway, I've always known I was an introvert, and after reading this list on Thom S. Rainer's blog today, I'm even more convinced of it!  Take a look and see if you qualify.  I think you'll get a chuckle from some of these...

1. You might be an introvert if you enjoyed timeout as a child.
2. You might be an introvert if you shop at 1:00 am in the 24-hour grocery store to avoid seeing people.
3. You might be an introvert if you rearrange the name cards at a dinner table so you don’t have to sit next to people you don’t know.
4. You might be an introvert if you like to have an extroverted friend with you so he can carry on the conversations you want to avoid.
5. You might be an introvert if your favorite game is solitaire.
6. You might be an introvert if your favorite number is one.
7. You might be an introvert if you take plenty of reading material on airplanes to avoid talking to people.
8. You might be an introvert if you smile when you see the “Do Not Talk” sign in the library.
9. You might be an introvert if you try to convince family members that you are really okay staying at home for a week of vacation.
10. You might be an introvert if you avoid buying new clothes so people won’t comment to you about them.
11. You might be an introvert if you can’t understand what’s so bad about solitary confinement.
12. You might be an introvert if you enjoy talking to yourself more than anyone else.
13. You might be an introvert if the word “meeting” causes you to become mildly to violently nauseous.
14. You might be an introvert if you work in your garden at night with a headlamp to avoid conversations with neighbors.
15. You might be an introvert if you think social media is the greatest invention in 200 years because you can communicate without being around people.
16. You might be an introvert if your favorite room in the house is the bathroom because you know you can be alone there.

I can relate to every single one of these, with the possible exception of #10.  My introversion definitely does not keep me from buying new clothes!  How about you?  Are you an introvert, too?

If you'd like to read the rest of Thom Rainer's post, you can link to it here.  

Free-For-All Friday

Yes, I know it's Saturday.  It's the Saturday after the first week of school, which should explain why there has only been one post on the blog this week.  Now that school has started back, my posts will not be as frequent.  There's just too much going on!  And on the rare evenings when we are home together as a family, I will not be wanting to spend all my time on the computer.  I will once again be off on Mondays this year, so hopefully I can get at least one post in each week!

Anyway, back to Free-For-All Friday.  Here are my random thoughts from this week...

• Busy as it is, it was good to get back into a regular routine this week.  It's always good to see my students again.  I work with students in small groups, and tend to have the same students for a couple of years in a row, so I get to know them pretty well.  Some of them have home lives that make me very sad, but they somehow always seem to have smiles on their faces.  Sweet kids.

• Why do parents not exert more control over what their kids watch on TV?  I remember when I was a kid, we were not allowed to watch Three's Company, The Love Boat, or even Bewitched. Kids today watch TV shows, movies, and listen to music that no adult should be watching or listening to.  It's scary.

• We got a new vehicle this week!  Well, it's new to us.  It's a 2008 Chevy Silverado pick-up with only 33,000 miles on it.  That means we will be selling Brad's 2000 Chevy Blazer with 116,000 miles on it, hopefully this upcoming week.  We're excited about the new truck, but will be a little bit sad to part with the Blazer ... simply because there are memories of Hannah associated with it.  Little by little, we seem to be replacing those memory-filled things ... but I guess that's part of moving forward.  As my friend Susan says about her son who went to Heaven not long after Hannah ... "I don't need to keep all of his things to remember him by -- I have him with me in my heart all the time."  

• I have discovered Pinterest.  I fought joining it for a long time ... I knew I would like it, and I just really don't need another time drain like Facebook.  But after looking over my friend Gina's Pinterest page on her iPad during one of those school inservice meetings a couple weeks ago (Shhhh!), I knew it was time.  And now, like I knew I would be, I'm hooked.  I really joined for the recipes, and boy, have I found some good ones.  I think my family is just happy I'm cooking again!  We'll see how long into the school year that lasts....

• This week's free Kindle classic has been Oliver Twist.  I am thoroughly enjoying it.

• An article about While We're Waiting appeared in this month's "Hot Springs On The Go" magazine.  If you're interested, you can link to it here.  Click on the "flipbook edition" of the magazine and flip through to page 30.  It's a great article, but we were terribly disappointed that the author gave the wrong website at the end.  The correct website is www.whilewerewaiting.org, not www.whilewerewaiting.com.  We were very pleased to get the publicity for While We're Waiting.

• We've had some really nice weather in Arkansas this week ... cooler nights, lower humidity levels, and even a little bit of rain.  A nice change after the extremely arid summer we've had.

• I have to admit it ... I'm a weather geek.  Most of the people I follow on Twitter are weather forecasters and storm chasers.  I get a kick out of watching tropical systems develop and following all the predictions of where they're going to go.  And I get positively giddy when winter weather is predicted.  And I'm thinking that as dry as our summer was, our winter precipitation chances have got to be good.  Bring it on!

• Finally ... Bethany started her senior year this week.  And I'm pretty excited about the fact that by the time she graduates, she will already have 12 hours of college credit under her belt.  My girl is growing up ... and I'm absolutely thrilled about it!

Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting" CureSearch Walk Team

Last October, we had the privilege of participating in the first annual Arkansas CureSearch Walk.  This is a walk to promote awareness and raise funds for pediatric cancer research.  You can read about last year's event by clicking here.  We had a great time, and the walk was a huge success, with over $50,000 raised for a very good cause.

One of the things that we really enjoyed about that day was seeing several of the kids who were receiving treatment at Arkansas Children's Hospital during the time that we were spending so much time there ourselves.  It was wonderful to see those kids running and playing, happy and healthy.  There were also many families there whose children were still in treatment.  The CureSearch Walk is similar to Relay for Life, in that teams are formed for fundraising and fellowship purposes.  Each of these kids had his or her own team, all with clever names and colorful t-shirts.

As parents whose child had not survived her cancer, we couldn't help but feel a little out of place.  We had no "team" to belong to.  We walked with our friends, Bobby and Amy Smith, whose son, Joel, is also in Heaven following his brave battle with cancer.  And like I said, we enjoyed the day ... but we felt a little bit out of place.  It just seemed as though there should be a team for those of us who had children in Heaven.

Well, on October 6th, we will be returning to the CureSearch Walk, but this time we will be participating as Team "While We're Waiting."  This will be a team for those of us who are seeking to live well while we're waiting to be reunited with our children in Heaven one day.  Our friends, Bobby and Amy Smith, will be walking with us again, and we'd like to invite you to participate as well ... if you can make it to Murray Park in Little Rock to walk with us, we would love it!

The event kicks off with registration between 8:30-9:30 a.m., followed by the opening ceremony, and then the walk.  The walk is the length of a 5K, but it is a walk, not a run.  The route of the walk takes us across the Big Dam Bridge and back (assuming it's the same as last year).

Or, if you'd like to join our team as a "virtual walker", that would be great, too.  Maybe you live too far from Little Rock to participate, but you'd like to make a donation to the fight against pediatric cancer.  We'd love for you to be part of While We're Waiting's "virtual" team.

You can join the While We're Waiting team by making a $10 donation (minimum) by clicking here.  Remember, none of these donations go to While We're Waiting ... all donations go to CureSearch, to raise awareness and funding for the fight against pediatric cancer.

Take a look at this picture from last year ...

That banner is full of names of kids whose lives have been touched by cancer ... just in Arkansas.  If you look closely, right in the lower middle part of the banner, just under the words CureSearch, you'll see a heart with the name "Hannah Joy" in it.  She is just one of the many reasons we walk!

Monday Mourning -- Back-to-School Season

It seems like everyone I know has a child going to college this year.  I guess it's just the age I am right now ... after all, Hannah would be starting her third year of college, and Bethany will be going next year.  So I suppose it makes sense that so many of my friends have been saying good-bye to their children over the last couple of weeks.

You know, I really ought to take a hiatus from Facebook during the month of August.  I must confess, I have a really hard time reading all the posts from moms whose kids are heading to college.  For many of them, it's almost as if their child has died.

Last year about this time I read a Facebook conversation between two moms that really bothered me.  I mean it really bothered me.  I literally lost sleep over it, which was silly, but then it doesn't take much to interrupt my sleep.  I wanted to write about it at the time, but was honestly too bothered by it to even write a blog post about it.  I always try to include something positive when I write, and I just couldn't figure out how to put a positive twist on this.  But a year has gone by, and maybe ... just maybe ... I can do it now.

So here's the basic conversation.  This is between Mom #1 (whose youngest son just went to college) and Mom #2 (whose daughter just got married).  Imagine reading this through the eyes of a parent who has lost a child.

Status posted by Mom #1:  "This is way harder than I ever thought."

Mom #2:  "Not sure what you're talking about, but if it's about your kid being gone, I TOTALLY AGREE!  I'm fighting every day not to be curled up on the floor in the corner."

Mom #1:  "I hate coming home because the house is so empty and quiet.  It's the stupid stuff that gets me...like his car not being in the driveway, or his clothes not being in the laundry.  It's killing me!"

Mom #2:  "I know what you mean.  I cried like a baby today over shampoo.  I was thinking I needed shampoo and I wondered if 'Susie' did and then I realized I wasn't going to be buying her shampoo anymore. Something like that happens almost every day!  I never realized how final everything would seem once she got married."

Mom #1:  "I did that over a Pizza Roll coupon.  Realized I didn't need it because no one here eats Pizza Rolls anymore.  Cried like a baby.  I am trying, but it just sneaks up on you and then you are done."

Mom #2:  "Yep, me too.  Everyone keeps telling me to find something else to do, but it's just not that easy."

Son of Mom #1:  "Mom, I would love it if you would buy me Pizza Rolls."

I am not making this stuff up.  I know it might seem like it, but I'm not.  I did change the names to protect the innocent, but this is the conversation nearly verbatim.

You know what bugs me about this conversation?  If Mom #1 is really missing her son, she can text him, call him, or even Skype with him, which is the next best thing to talking face to face.  She can hop in her car and go visit him for the weekend (he was only a couple hours away from home).  She can clip that Pizza Roll coupon, go buy the Pizza Rolls, put them in the freezer, heat them up in the microwave, and serve them to him when he comes home in a few weeks.  He clearly is looking forward to coming home and eating some!

If Mom #2 is really missing her daughter, she can give her a call and arrange to meet her for lunch and a pedicure.  They can plan a shopping day together, and maybe even cook Christmas dinner together.  And, you know, I'm sure her daughter wouldn't mind if she picked up a couple bottles of that shampoo and dropped them by her house sometime.  Someday, this daughter might even give Mom #2 a beloved grandchild!

These Moms don't see how blessed they are!

A mom who has lost her child can do none of those things.  When we said good-bye to our children, it wasn't with the knowledge that we'd be seeing them again in a couple of weeks.  We knew there would be no more laundry to do, no more favorite foods to buy, no more shampoo to purchase.  Their car is no longer in the driveway, and their bedroom is quiet and empty.  No texts, no phone calls, no Skyping, no Christmas dinners, no grandchildren.

So where am I going with all this?  I guess I'm just making the point that we bereaved parents are different than other parents.  We think differently and our perspective on life is different.  This is never more apparent to me than during "back to school" season.  Why do parents spend so much time and energy bemoaning the fact that their children are growing up?

I'm still having a hard time trying to put a positive twist on this post.  I guess you can tell that this is something I really struggle with.  In fact, I ran across a quote from Sheila Walsh the other day that I think can be applied to me in this case ... "One of the hardest things for Christian women is to tell the truth about ourselves; we seem to feel obliged to appear triumphant."  Ouch!  She totally pegged me with that one.

Last year, when I angrily read this Facebook conversation to Brad, and told him all the snarky comments I was thinking about adding, he reminded me that these Moms just didn't (and couldn't) understand.  To them, their children leaving home (even if it was only for a short time) was the worst thing that had ever happened to them.  It was my responsibility to extend grace to them, and (gasp!) even pray for them.

I'm working on it.  I really am.  I've tried to be more understanding during this "back to school" season.  And with God's help, I'm doing better.  After all, next year it will be me sending my girl off to college!  And right now, I'm thinking I'm going to be very grateful for cell phones and Skype!!  :)

Oh...I almost forgot!  Here's the obligatory first day of school picture from this morning.  I love this girl!

Thoughtful Thursday -- A Quarter of a Century!

Yes, this photo was taken twenty-five years ago yesterday, shortly after we had been declared Mr. and Mrs. Brad Sullivan at Twin Lakes Baptist Church in Mountain Home, Arkansas.

We were a young couple, still working towards our college degrees at Ouachita Baptist University, but we felt that we were very mature for our age, and ready for whatever life might throw at us.  And life was good ... We didn't have much money, but we had a lot of love, as we finished up our undergraduate years there and then made the big move to Fayetteville to get our master's degrees at the University of Arkansas.  We managed to complete those programs in one year ... two months before Hannah Joy arrived in October of 1991.  The joy of our marriage was multiplied by her arrival, and then multiplied yet again a few years later when Bethany Grace made her appearance in June of 1995.

We spent the next several years moving all around Arkansas, as Brad gained experience as a school administrator.  When we finally landed in Magnet Cove in the summer of 2004, where Brad was about to take on the role of high school principal, things were really looking good for us.  Our girls were growing up ... Hannah was starting eighth grade and Bethany was entering fifth ... we had a comfortable home, good jobs, a great church, and absolutely everything to look forward to in life.

Then our Hannah was diagnosed with cancer, and in a single moment our whole world spun off its axis.  We embarked on a year-long roller coaster ride of radiation treatments, chemotherapy protocols, extended hospital stays, platelet transfusions, and grim prognoses.  We were forced to have conversations and make decisions that no parent should ever have to make.  And then we, along with Bethany, sat beside Hannah and held her hands as she took her final breaths.  It was an awful, awful year.

But, as horrendous as that year was, it could have been worse.  Throughout that time, it was absolutely critical that Brad and I were on the same page, both in practical matters, such as decisions regarding treatment plans, and in spiritual matters, such as agreement about the sovereignty of God.  And I am so thankful that we were.  If we had not been united regarding these things, I literally don't know how we could have made it through.  And that need for unity continues, as we continue to adjust to life without our girl.  Thankfully, God continues to give us new joy through Bethany, and through the ministry opportunities He's given.

As I look at our wedding picture, I fully realize that we are not the same people who walked down that aisle twenty-five years ago.  We are older, we are wiser, and we now live with an eternal perspective that we never had before.  Would I do it all over again?  Absolutely!  Even if I knew that we would face the exact same heartaches again?  Without a doubt!  I can't imagine walking through this life with anyone else.

Tell About It Tuesday -- "The Seasons of God" by Richard Blackaby

A few months ago, I received an email (out of the blue!) from Dr. Richard Blackaby.  To say that I was stunned would be an understatement.  You may recognize the name Blackaby from the well-known Bible study, "Experiencing God."  That study was written by Henry Blackaby, Richard's father.  Richard is quite a prolific author himself, and is now president of Blackaby Ministries International.

So how did I come to receive an email from this gentleman?  Let me give you a little background.

Our church has been fortunate enough to have had various members of the Blackaby family come and lead a mini-revival every fall for the last several years.  Henry has come a couple of times, another of his sons, Tom, came last year, and Richard has either accompanied them or come solo every year.  They are dynamic speakers, and we always make an effort to attend every service when they come.

In 2008, Henry and Richard came to our church the last weekend of September.  On that Sunday morning, our family was there, all four of us, along with several members of our extended family.  Our relatives had come to see us that weekend because we had just received the devastating news that Hannah's cancer had returned with a vengeance.  Her oncologist had informed us that her prognosis was very grim.

So there we were in church that Sunday, broken hearted and already grieving.  At the end of the service, our pastor called us to the front, and the congregation spent several minutes praying over Hannah and our family.  After that, we had the opportunity to speak with Richard, and we shared with him about Hannah's prayer for a storm.  He met Hannah that day, and spent several minutes talking with our family.

By the time the Blackabys returned in 2009, Hannah had gone to Heaven.  We spoke to Richard after one of the services, and he remembered all about Hannah and her storm.  And each year when he's returned to Hot Springs, we've always spent a few minutes visiting with him.  I've always been impressed by the fact that he remembers our names from year to year.  He asked us once for our contact information, and we gave him one of our cards.  He stuck it in his wallet, and I assumed that he promptly forgot about it.

Well, I was wrong.  He apparently pulled that card out a few months ago, and sent us an email.  In that email, he asked if we would mind if he included Hannah's story in a new book he was writing.  If it was okay with us, he would send us a rough draft of what he was planning to include for our approval.  Um, yeah ... That was fine with us!  He sent us the rough draft of what he had written, and we heartily approved.  He told her story in a way that we felt truly honored Hannah, and more importantly, honored God.

Yesterday, we received an advance copy of the book in the mail.  And sure enough, there on pages 52 and 53, under the heading "Escape from Mediocrity" is our daughter's story.  It concludes with the lines, "Hannah didn't live long, but she lived well.  And her legacy continues."

I started reading the book this morning, and I can already tell I'm going to love it.  We all know there are seasons in life, and it appears that the gist of this book will be to discuss how we can not just survive, but thrive, in each of these seasons.  I can really relate to that, because that is one of our goals for "While We're Waiting" ... to encourage all of us who have lost children to not just survive, but to thrive, while we're waiting to be reunited with our kids one day.  The book is scheduled to be released on August 21st, and I encourage you to pick up a copy.  And not because Hannah's story is in it ... truly, her story is only a teeny, tiny part of the book ... but because we all need to discover God's purposes for us in the seasons of our lives.

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under Heaven."  Ecclesiastes 3:1

Monday Mourning -- Just a Piece of Paper

It's just a piece of paper.  It really shouldn't bother me so much.

I keep it in a fireproof storage box, along with our marriage license, our passports, our social security cards, a few two-dollar bills (just in case they're worth a fortune some day), and a variety of other important papers.

I rarely open that storage box, and when I do, I try to just grab what I need real quick, lock it back up, and put it away.  When Bethany went to FCA camp a few weeks ago, I had to dig through it to find her shot record.  Thankfully, it was close to the top, so I found it easily.  Of course, Hannah's shot record was in there, too, right underneath Bethany's.  Why do I still keep that when I most certainly will never need it again?  Just because I can't throw it away ... It's just that simple.

Then, the other day, Brad asked me to pull out the title to our 2000 Chevy Blazer.  That poor little Blazer has just about had it, and we are hopefully going to be trading it in on a somewhat newer model pick-up truck sometime soon.  Ugh.  I knew that was going to take a little more digging in that storage box.  What if I saw that certain piece of paper that I so didn't want to see?  I swallowed hard, steeled myself, and dug through the papers until I found that title.  Whew!  No sign of that dreaded paper.  I must have it buried really deep ... maybe at the very bottom.  I didn't check, though, because I really don't want to know where it is.  I was just glad I didn't have to see it that day.

So what is this piece of paper that causes such an angst-filled reaction in me?  It's Hannah's death certificate.

Yuck.  I don't even like typing those words.  It doesn't feel like a sentence including those words should exist.  How could there even be a death certificate with my 17-year-old daughter's name on it?

I remember that as we made Hannah's funeral arrangements, the funeral director asked us how many copies of the death certificate we would like.  And I foggily remember asking her, "How many do we need?", instead of screaming "None!", like I really wanted to.  She kindly explained that for older people who had lots of investments, bank accounts, insurance policies, etc., multiple copies of the death certificate were needed so they could be sent to all these different banks and institutions.  For children and teenagers, usually one was sufficient.  "Well, I guess we'll take one, then," I remember saying.

And I remember looking at the death certificate when we got it.  It had the cause of death, the date of death, the time of death, the place of death, the doctor's signature, etc., all clearly spelled out.  And I hated it immediately.  It just made everything sound so legal, so permanent, so real.  I locked it away in that storage box and I've never looked at it again.

Because, in fact, that death certificate is a sadly incomplete record of what really happened on the afternoon of February 26, 2009.  Yes, it records Hannah's physical death and all of its awful details ... but that's all.  It makes no mention of the fact that at the very moment of Hannah's earthly death, she was also born into an incredible spiritual life.  In fact, maybe I could deal with that paper better if I thought of it as a birth certificate ... because isn't that really what it is?  

When I started writing this post this afternoon, I really didn't know where it was going to go.  I knew I wanted to write about that hated death certificate, just because it's been on my mind ever since I opened that box last week to find the Blazer title.  I almost decided not to write this post, because I was afraid it would be too negative.  Oftentimes, like Ann Voskamp has said, I don't really know what I think until I sit down to write it.  Leave it to God to direct me, even as I was writing this post, to the hope that can exist even in something as despised as my daughter's death certificate.  Or, as I'm going to start calling it, Hannah's new birth certificate!  Yes, I believe I like that better.

Ten on the Tenth -- Senior Year Excitement!

In exactly ten days, Bethany will officially begin her senior year!  To say that I am excited about this would be an understatement.  Without further ado, here are the ten things I am most looking forward to this year...

1.  Getting senior pictures made.  Well, actually, I'm not looking forward to this anymore, because we've already done it.  At least we had the pictures that will go in the yearbook taken.  As I arrived at the high school cafeteria, another "senior mom" asked me if I was going to cry.  Um, no.  Why would I cry?  Of course, that's not exactly what I said.  Close, but not exactly.  Anyway, I snapped a picture with my phone while the photographer was setting up.  Loved seeing my girl in her cap and gown!

2.  Bethany's last first day of school.  Taking a picture on the first day of school is a tradition ... I'm sure you'll get to see it!

3.  Her last basketball season.  Last year, the Lady Panthers made it to the elite eight in the state finals.  With four starters returning and an awesome new coach, this could be the year for a state championship!

4.  Her last track season.  Last year, she came in second in high jump at the 2A state track meet.  This year, she's determined to come in first.  Next ... the Olympics!  :)

5.  Senior night.  Brad and I will get to escort her across the basketball court, while an announcer tells about all her extracurricular activities and favorite high school memories.  I remember hiding out in the bathroom during what would have been Hannah's senior night activities.

6.  Powder Puff football.  Our school has a Powder Puff football game each year as a fund raiser for prom.  The junior girls play the senior girls.  Last year, the senior girls one ... this year, I have a feeling they might win again!

7.  Helping her fill out scholarship applications.  Yes, even that will be fun ... I think!

8.  The graduation ceremony itself.  The fact that her dad, as the high school principal, will be the one calling her name and giving her her diploma will make it even more special.

9.  Dorm room shopping!  Of course, all shopping is fun, but dorm room shopping has got to be really fun!

10.  Taking Bethany to college next fall.  This is the one item on the list that I'm not quite so excited about.  For her, I'll be excited.  She's ready ... The girl would skip her senior year and head straight to college next week if she could.  It's beginning to hit me, though, how much I'm going to miss her.  But that's okay ... we'll have texting, and Skype, and weekend visits, and Christmas break ... All of those things will make it much easier!

So why am I really so excited about Bethany's senior year?  Because I am so happy that she is going to have one!  So many parents seem to spend their child's senior year moaning and groaning about how sad they are that their kids are growing up.  They cry gallons of tears over many of the events I just listed above.

Now, I'm not about to say that I'm not going to cry at all during Bethany's senior year.  I probably will.  But they will not be sad tears ... they'll be tears of joy that my girl is growing up.  I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again ... It is not sad when your child grows up.  It is sad when your child does not have the opportunity to grow up.  And that is why, Lord willing, I intend to enjoy every minute of Bethany's senior year!

Thoughtful Thursday -- "A Bruising of a Blessing"

I'm turning back to Joni Eareckson's book, "A Place of Healing" for today's "thoughtful" post.  I've posted several times previously about Joni, including last Thursday.  In addition to her quadriplegia, Joni is now battling chronic pain.  Of course, in the passages below, she is referring to physical pain, but I believe everything she says can also be applied to emotional pain, such as what we experience when we lose a loved one, go through a divorce, or go through a period of severe financial strain.

Here's what she says...

"For pain is a bruising of a blessing; but it is a blessing nevertheless.  It's a strange, dark companion, but a companion -- if only because it has passed through God's inspecting hand.  It's an unwelcome guest, but still a guest.  I know that it drives me to a nearer, more intimate place of fellowship with Jesus, and so I take pain as though I were taking the left hand of God.  (Better the left hand than no hand at all.)

In the meantime, these afflictions of mine -- this very season of multiplied pain -- is the background against which God has commanded me to show forth His praise.  It's also that thing that I am to reckon as 'good and acceptable and perfect,' according to Romans 12.  God bids me that I not only seek to accept it, but to embrace it, knowing full well that somewhere way deep down deep -- in a secret place I have yet to see -- lies my highest good.

Yes, I pray that my pain might be removed, that it might cease; but more so, I pray for the strength to bear it, the grace to benefit from it, and the devotion to offer it up to God as a sacrifice of praise."

Wow.  I love her attitude.  She fully understands and accepts that she may never be healed from her physical pain, so she seeks to find the good in it.  In the same way, our emotional pain may never be fully healed (at least on this earth), but there is good to be found in it.  I love the phrase "a bruising of a blessing."  It's so true.

She closes this section of her book with this statement ...

"To this point, as I pen this chapter, He has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me.  The more intense the pain, the closer His embrace."

"He has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me."  What a beautiful statement of faith, and something to really think about on this Thursday afternoon.

Wacky Wednesday -- "No Frills Airline"

I always loved the Carol Burnett show when I was growing up, and Tim Conway and Harvey Korman were my two favorite actors on the show.  I ran across the clip on another blog the other day and thought it was quite relevant today, especially with all the cutbacks going on in the airline industry.  Enjoy!  (Remember, if you receive my blog via email, you will need to click on the title above in order to link to the video.)  

Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting" in Wynne

A couple weeks ago, I excitedly posted about the fact that we were getting ready to take "While We're Waiting" on the road.   Well, that date has come and gone, and I have not yet blogged about it!  Actually, that's because although I took some lovely pictures at the event, I ended up leaving my camera in Wynne.  Thankfully, my friend Mary was kind enough to mail it to me, and I'm finally ready to share those pictures with you.

Our hostess for the event was Kim Dillard.  Kim has never personally experienced the loss of a child, but she has a remarkable understanding of and sensitivity to those who have walked that road.  She planned our day around Psalm 56:8, and even created a wonderful visual reminder for us to enjoy...

Kim's loving touch was evident even in the way she decorated the tables, using a number of bottles in a variety of colors, shapes, and sizes.  Look closely, and you'll see that she placed fresh flowers in each bottle, illustrating that God can bring beauty from our tears.  Each Mom was able to choose her favorite bottle to bring home with her as a reminder of the day.

She also chose to use a black tablecloth, representing the very dark days we often experience as grieving Moms; but she also chose beautiful bright colors for the dishes and decorations to remind us of the joy that is still available to us as children of God.  Don't you just love those tea glasses?

We didn't feel that we could ask Chef Franklin to come all the way to Wynne for us, so my dear friend Laurie and her husband Jerry stepped in and provided an amazing meal for us!  And as always, I must tantalize your tastebuds with some pictures!

Our appetizer was roasted asparagus wrapped in proscuitto with shaved parmesan...Delicious!

Next was our salad -- an individual caprese salad with tomatoes and mozzarella cheese, topped with lemon vinaigrette dressing and chopped fresh basil.  Yum!

The intermezzo was next ... to cleanse our palates, of course!  Delicious chilled strawberry soup...

This was followed by the main event ... the entree'.  This was grilled balsamic bruschetta chicken with lemon herb pasta.  So good!

Now the part that's always my favorite ... dessert!  This is Laurie's dad's recipe -- "Magic Lemon Icebox Pie" with a graham cracker chip.  So fresh and cool ... just right!

Because what is shared at our Moms' Mini-Retreats stays at our Moms' Mini-Retreats, I'm not going to reveal any of the personal stories of these dear ladies.  Let me just say that we had an amazing time of fellowship together.  Our children in Heaven ranged from the age of five to the age of thirty-six, and their homegoings were all very different, yet the bond that formed between us was instant and strong.  I can honestly say that I will never forget the declarations of hope and and trust voiced by these Moms.  It was truly humbling.  I consider myself privileged just to be a part of this wonderful day.