Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting" Update

Some very exciting things have been happening in the "While We're Waiting" ministry over the last few weeks...I've just got to share them with you!

1.  We are taking our "While We're Waiting" Mom's Mini-Retreat on the road!  We will be hosting our next Mom's Day in northeast Arkansas, in the town of Wynne, on July 28, 2012.  There are several bereaved families who live in that part of the state, so we are bringing "While We're Waiting" to them.  We are also working on the possibility of a weekend-long parents' retreat in that part of the state this fall.  If you would like for us to work on bringing a While We're Waiting event to your area...even if it's outside of Arkansas...drop me an email and we'll talk.

2.  Our next "While We're Waiting" Weekend for Parents (couples and singles) is coming up the weekend of April 20-22, 2012.  We are particularly excited about the fact that our website has really been increasing in traffic over the last several weeks and we've been getting inquiries about this upcoming retreat from around the country ... Arizona, Washington, Kentucky.  In fact, our available spots are already about half filled.

3.  We also have a "While We're Waiting" Weekend for Dads coming up the weekend of May 4-6, 2012.  It's also going to be a great event ... go to our website for more information or to register.

4.  We have filed for non-profit 501(c)3 status and are currently in what I refer to as "IRS limbo".  Hopefully we'll hear something soon.  As soon as we are approved for that, any donations made to "While We're Waiting" will be tax-deductible.

5.  On our spring break last week, we took a trip out to eastern Tennessee to visit my brother's family and celebrate my niece's birthdays.  While there, we girls (my mom, my sister-in-law, and I) took a little side trip to Asheville, North Carolina, to visit the headquarters of World Magazine.  I've shared on this blog before how much I enjoy reading this magazine, and I thought it would be fun to go there and take a tour.  The headquarters didn't look anything like what I thought it would!  It's near the Biltmore Mansion (which I would also like to tour someday!) and this part of town is just beautiful.

Anyway, while we were getting our tour, we had the opportunity to meet Marvin and Susan Olasky.  He is the editor in chief of World Magazine, and a bit of a celebrity ... at least in my eyes!

We visited with them for several minutes, and of course, I took advantage of the opportunity to put a couple of "While We're Waiting" brochures in their hands!  They seemed genuinely interested and asked lots of questions about the ministry.  Who knows what God might do through this encounter someday?

6.  There are a couple of unique opportunities for publicity for "While We're Waiting" which will be coming up over the next several months.  More about those as they develop.

As you can probably tell, we are very excited about what God is doing with the "While We're Waiting" ministry.  We just believe so strongly in the healing that takes place when bereaved, but believing, parents get together to support, encourage, and pray for each other.  We believe in it because we've experienced it.  And we've had the joy of seeing others experience it as well.

While We're Waiting Mini-Retreat for Moms #4

Well, our fourth "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Moms is in the books.  And as I've said after each one ... it was amazing!

(If you're new to the blog and wondering what a "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Moms is, look at the top of the right hand column of this blog under "Pages" and click on the "Mini Retreat for Bereaved Moms" link).

Once again, God brought just the right group of moms together.  Our stories were all different, but the pain we had experienced in our losses was the same.  Some of our children never had the opportunity to take a breath on earth, and some lived to adulthood.  Some were killed suddenly and tragically, and some experienced long periods of illness.  As different as our stories were, our losses and our faith immediately bound us together.

There are some sweet ladies who have taken on "While We're Waiting" as part of their decorating ministry.  Yes, I said decorating ministry.  These ladies are uniquely gifted in creating beauty.  As a person who is not at all gifted in this area, I have a great appreciation for their work.  These ladies used a fun, whimsical spring theme in their decorating this time, and made for such a pleasant, comfortable setting.

Our conversation was, as always, rich and inspiring.  It is such a blessing to hear how other moms deal with things like how to handle your child's empty bedroom, or how the loss of your child can affect your relationships with other people, or what it's like to return to church after a loss like this.  These are just a few of the things we discussed yesterday.  I really think the best part about the whole day is just the opportunity to spend time with other moms who truly understand!  It's also a great relief to spend time talking about your child with people who are genuinely interested in hearing about him or her, and who are not made uncomfortable by the topic.  And the massage each mom receives in the afternoon releases even more stress!

And what mom doesn't love to be cooked for and waited upon?  That's how we ended our day, with a five-course gourmet meal prepared and served by our own private chef.  Here's a little glimpse of what we enjoyed...

Our appetizer:  A braised short loin meatball with a red pepper and tomato charassaco sauce...

Our salad:  Sweet apples with a pecan maple glaze, arugula with tomatoes, eggs, stilton, and smoked cashews, sweet vinaigrette...

The intermezzo:  A delicious lemon sorbet...

The entree':  Grilled pork medallions with ranch-style potatoes, yellow and white cauliflower, broccoli, and drizzled with basalmic...

Our dessert:  Fresh-made red velvet cupcake with cream cheese icing sprinkled with macadamia nuts, and banana split ice cream.  The star is made with cocoa powder...

The eight of us moms started the day as strangers, but we ended the day as friends...bound together by our common losses and our common faith in an uncommon Savior.  I firmly believe that God deliberately puts each of these groups together, choosing just the right people to meet at just the right time.  I'm just so thankful for the opportunity to be a part of it!

Free-For-All-Friday -- A Collection of Random Thoughts

Random Thought #1 -- I am ridiculously excited about what God is doing with the While We're Waiting ministry lately!

Random Thought #2 -- Spring in Arkansas is exceptionally beautiful this year...loving all the spring blooms!

Random Thought #3 -- Whoever thought of spring break had a brilliant beyond brilliant idea.

Random Thought #4 -- Thinking about putting together a "While We're Waiting" team for the CureSearch Walk this year.  Hmmmm....

Random Thought #5 -- Joshua Ledet's performance of "When a Man Loves a Woman" on American Idol this week was amazing!

Random Thought #6 -- There's an awful lot of basketball on TV lately.

Random Thought #7 -- My daughter makes a pretty cute Powder Puff football player.

Random Thought #8 -- Looked through Hannah's closet the other day (where her clothes are still hanging), and noticed that most of her clothes are now out of style...Hard to believe she's been gone that long.

Random Thought #9 -- I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

Random Thought #10 -- I really don't want this to seem like a Ten on the Tenth list, so therefore, I give you...

Random Thought #11 -- Got Bethany registered for her senior year today...So happy to see her reaching these "growing up" milestones!

Monday Mourning -- "Weep Not For Me"

I continue to be amazed at the bond that forms between parents who have lost children.  It's an instant bond, that forms as soon as we meet, and it's a permanent bond, that remains even if we only meet once.

One of these dear friends sent me a message on Facebook this weekend.  She and I have actually only met once, at one of our While We're Waiting Mom's Days, but as bereaved moms, we bonded instantly, and have been close ever since.  Both of us lost our children to cancer, which bonds us even more closely.

In her message, she shared a beautiful story about a visit to her son's grave.  It really touched me, and with her permission, I'd like to share it with you.  I think it will encourage you, as it did me, especially if you've lost a loved one.

She and her husband visited their son's grave this weekend, which is located in an old cemetery where many of her dad's family members are buried.  Her husband rarely comes to the cemetery with her, because he has such a difficult time emotionally...something I can definitely relate to!  As they were leaving, they passed by a monument that had been broken in half.  It caught her eye, and she went over to it to see what it said.  She had to get down on her knees and scrape the moss off of it in order to read it.  It was a monument for a nine year old girl, her grandpa's sister, and this is what it said...

"Father and Mother, weep not for me, for I am waiting in Glory for thee."

She immediately felt that it was a message from God...a reminder that her son was in Heaven waiting for them...and she was filled with His comfort and peace.  She even felt that it was a turning point in her grief journey.

Then she said this ... "Can't believe I have been going to the cemetery all of my life but had to get down on my knees today to read what it said."

Wow.  Did you catch the depth of that statement?  She had to get down on her knees to read it.

I think there's a message there for all of us ... I know there's one for me.  Thank you, my sweet friend, for sharing your story with me, and for allowing me to share it with others.

Ten on the Tenth -- Heaven

When we moved to our little community several years ago, we had the good fortune of buying a house next door to Gerald and Catherine Taylor, a retired pastor and his wife, originally from El Dorado.  It didn't take us long to become acquainted, and in the past few years, they have become very precious to us.  They quickly became like grandparents to our girls, and "Brother Gerald" was the first person we called when Hannah was diagnosed with her brain tumor.  He came down the hill to our house, and spent quite a bit of time with us that evening, praying for us and comforting us as we processed this frightening news.  He shared Nahum 1:7 with us that evening, "The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.  He cares for those who trust in Him", and that verse became our theme as we walked through Hannah's cancer journey.  When it was time for Hannah's "Life Celebration" after she went to Heaven, we knew we wanted him to lead the service, and he did.

Occasionally, Brother Gerald preaches at our church, and for the past several Sunday evenings he's been preaching a series of sermons about the basic tenets of the Christian faith.  I love to hear him preach.  He's one of those preachers who has so much Scripture memorized, he is able to weave it seamlessly into his sermons without ever glancing down at his Bible.  It amazes me.

Anyway, this past Sunday evening, Brother Gerald took his place behind the pulpit and stated his sermon topic:  "Eight Things We Need To Know About Heaven."  What do you know...My favorite topic!  I started scrambling around for some paper and a pencil to take notes, and didn't have a thing with me.  So, at the risk of people thinking I was texting during church, I grabbed my phone, opened up the Notes app, and got busy.

Here are his eight points:

1.  Heaven is a real, actual place. "In my Father's house are many rooms.  If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. John 14:2-3."  It is a prepared place for a prepared people.

2.  Heaven is always described as a perfect place.  It is a place of perfect knowledge, perfect rest, and perfect joy.  All mysteries will be revealed.  I really like thinking about how wise Hannah must be now.  It does not bother me a bit that she has far surpassed her Mom in knowledge!  I look forward to her teaching me someday!

3.  Heaven is a populated place.  "After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands, and crying out with a loud voice, 'Salvation belongs to our God who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!' Rev. 7: 9-10."  Cool to think about, isn't it?

4.  Heaven is a permanent place.  The Greek word used in John 14 referring to "my Father's house" specifically refers to a "permanent dwelling that never changes."

5.  Heaven is a beautiful place.  One of the costliest, most valuable substances on earth, gold, is so common there, they make streets out of it.  "And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of Heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.  Rev. 21: 2".  Heaven is full of the beauty of holiness.  There is nothing there that can defile it.

6.  Heaven is a place of unbroken fellowship.  Yes, we will have eternal fellowship with our friends and loved ones who have gone on before, but we will also have eternal fellowship with God Himself. "Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.  I Thess. 4: 17."

7.  Heaven is a place of reward.  "Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done.  Rev. 22:12."  Our greatest reward will be the people who are in Heaven because of us.

8.  Heaven is our home.  There is no need for a passport or tourist visa.  This world is like a hotel room...temporary at best.  Heaven is our real home.

That was the end of Brother Gerald's sermon.  So these last two points are mine.  (We can't have only 8 on the 10th now, can we?)

9.  Heaven is the place we were created for.  If we feel incomplete here, and I certainly do, it's because this is not where we belong.  We were created for something so much better!

10.  Heaven is the place where Hannah is.  We didn't "lose" her on February 26, 2009 ... We know exactly where she is.  And I am looking forward to the day I see her again in that real, perfect, populated, beautiful, permanent, rewarding home, where our fellowship will be eternally unbroken!

Tell About It Tuesday -- "Fearless"

Today I want to tell you about the release of a new book on Amazon!  Well, technically, it hasn't actually been released yet, but it is now available to be pre-ordered in the Kindle format.  It is the story of Navy SEAL Adam Brown, who is the son of our dear friends, Larry and Janice Brown, from here in Hot Springs.  

God put us together with Larry and Janice in late 2010, several months after Adam had been killed in Afghanistan.  We immediately bonded, as all parents who have lost children seem to do, and have been close friends ever since.  Larry and Janice are our partners in the "While We're Waiting" ministry, and they have ministered to us in more ways than I can describe here.  

Several months ago, they were contacted by Eric Blehm, an author with Random House publishers, about writing a book about Adam's life.  They consented, and the lengthy, and somewhat painful process began.  You see, Adam wasn't always a "hero".  He was a man who struggled with his sin nature, just as we all do.  Eventually, though, through the faithful support of his parents and siblings and his wife, Kelley, he became a man after God's own heart.  It was hard for the Browns to have to re-live those dark days as they shared Adam's story with Mr. Blehm, but they felt it was important to be honest about both his victories and his struggles.

Below you will find a description of the book, copied directly from the Amazon website.  Read it, then connect to Amazon.com and pre-order it!  The book will be available in Kindle format on May 22nd.  I'm not sure when the print edition will be available, but I would guess it won't be long after the 22nd.  I, for one, can't wait to read it!

Fearless: The Heroic Story of One Navy SEAL's Sacrifice in the Hunt for Osama Bin Laden and the Unwavering Devotion of the Woman Who Loved Him

Fearless takes you deep into SEAL Team Six, straight to the heart of one of it’s most legendary operators.
When Navy SEAL Adam Brown woke up on March 17, 2010, he didn’t know he would die that night in the Hindu Kush Mountains of Afghanistan—but he was ready: In a letter to his children, not meant to be seen unless the worst happened, he had written, “I’m not afraid of anything that might happen to me on this Earth, because I know no matter what, nothing can take my spirit from me.”
        
But long before Adam Brown became a member of the elite SEAL Team Six—the counterterrorism unit that took down Osama bin Laden—there was a fun-loving country boy from Arkansas whose greatest goal had been to wear his high school’s football jersey. An undersized daredevil, prone to jumping off roofs into trees and off bridges into lakes, Adam was a kid who broke his own bones but would never break a promise to his parents … until he grew older, and his family watched that appetite for risk draw him into a downward spiral that eventually landed him in jail.       

FEARLESS is the story of a man of extremes, whose determination was fueled by faith, family, and the love of a woman. It’s about a man who waged a war against his own worst impulses and persevered to reach the top tier of the U.S. military. Always the first to volunteer for the most dangerous assignments, Adam’s final act of bravery led to the ultimate sacrifice.

FEARLESS is the intimate story of a devoted man who was an unlikely hero but a true warrior, described by all who knew him as just that—fearless.

Monday Mourning -- A Strange Feeling...

As of today, Bethany has gone a week farther into her junior year than Hannah ever did.  True, Hannah did not attend school very much during her junior year, but up until the date of her death, she was enrolled as a student at Magnet Cove High School.

It's hard to explain how strange it feels to know that my younger daughter has now surpassed my older daughter.  My girls were three grades apart in school; and as it happened, they were never in the same school building at the same time.  They had always looked forward to Hannah's senior year and Bethany's ninth grade year, when they would finally have been in the high school together.  That never happened, because Hannah did not make it through February of her junior year.

Now Bethany is in March of her junior year.  And it just feels strange.  Don't get me wrong...I am overjoyed that Bethany is with us...that she's healthy, that she's enjoying school and athletics, and that she's doing so well in so many ways.  I am so thankful for that!  It's just that it doesn't seem right that she has passed up her sister.  There's something that feels so unnatural about it.

She's still younger than Hannah was at this point in her junior year.  Hannah had an October birthdate, so she was 17 for almost all of her junior year.  Bethany, on the other hand, has a June birthdate, so she won't turn 17 until after her junior year.  I'm sure it will really feel strange when Bethany actually becomes older than Hannah.  Who ever thinks their younger child will someday be older than their older child?

I have to remind myself that Hannah is ageless now ... She lives beyond the constraints of time.  Seriously, how cool is that?  And, as competitive as Hannah was academically (and believe me, she was!), I don't think she minds a bit that her baby sister has passed her up!

State Tournament Wrap-Up

Well, the Lady Panthers' moment in the sun was brilliant, but unfortunately, rather short-lived.

Their first game on Friday was a huge success, against a team that had a 30-2 record coming into the game.  I'll let the scoreboard speak for itself...

Yes, we were the "Visitors"!  This win put our team into the "Elite Eight", or the top eight teams in the state for our size category.

The girls went into Friday's game with high hopes, but came out with a disappointing loss.  The final score was 53-45, which really doesn't reflect how close the game was.  It was back and forth the whole game, with several lead changes, but we were forced to foul down the stretch in an attempt to get the ball back.  Unfortunately, they were excellent free throw shooters, and did not miss.

So now, we move on to life after basketball.  I'm already becoming a little bit giddy, just thinking about all those nice evenings we can spend at home instead of at the gym.  And Bethany's just a junior, so we still have one more year to look forward to.  She'll be turning her attention to high jumping now.  Track season is definitely less busy, and I think we're all looking forward to that!

Congratulations on a great season, Lady Panthers!  It was fun!

State Tournament Bound!

Today the Magnet Cove Panther basketball teams -- both boys and girls -- left for the state tournament.  If this has ever happened in our little community before -- both basketball teams qualifying for state tournament play -- it's been a LONG, LONG time!  So you can imagine how excited everyone is.  As our teams prepared to leave town this afternoon, their buses took a swing by the elementary school, and the kids all lined up to give them a big send-off.  To the great delight of the students, the players got off the buses and walked up and down the lines of kids, slapping them five and shaking their hands.  For a few moments, those ball players were treated like rock stars!  Here are a few pictures...

And, yes, that would be my child hanging out of the bus window!

The girls play at 1:00 tomorrow afternoon, and the boys play at 5:30.  We will be leaving work early and heading to Newark, Arkansas (which I'm told is somewhere north of Searcy) to watch them play.  If they win, they'll play again on Friday, and another win will get them into the semi-finals on Saturday.

Should be a fun week...I'll let you know how it goes!

Monday Mourning -- Spring is Coming

Yesterday marked the third anniversary since Hannah left our earthly home for her heavenly one, and we took the opportunity to take a day "off" from all of our responsibilities and obligations.  We slept in a little bit, then headed to the little community of Briggsville in Yell County, Arkansas.  My husband's family owns a farmhouse and quite a bit of land in that area.  Hannah always loved to go there and spend time with the family, and that's where she is buried.  This is also where the "While We're Waiting" Dads' Retreats are held.  Bethany's friend, Brad, accompanied us as well ... and, wow, was it a beautiful day to spend some time outside!

Our first stop was Hannah's grave ... always an especially difficult stop for me.  We spent quite a bit of time there reminiscing, crying, and laughing.  Her earthly resting place is so beautiful ... I can't imagine what her heavenly home must be like!

After our time at the grave, we hopped on a couple of four-wheelers and went for a nice ride through the woods.  We eventually made our way to the "Rock Hole", which is actually a part of the Fourche La Fave River.  We spent an absolutely wonderful afternoon there.  Here are a few pictures (they are from my phone, so the quality is not the best)...

Here is the river itself...

Bethany had to show off her tree climbing skills...

And the guys had to show off their rock skipping skills...Of course, you have to find just the right rock!

Bethany even got into the rock skipping act...She's pretty good!

We enjoyed having Brad along with us ... Bethany especially enjoyed having Brad along with us!  :)

We couldn't have been in a better spot to be reminded of God's beautiful creation!

It always seems like once February 26th is behind me, it suddenly feels like spring is on its way.  Maybe it's because the date I've been dreading for so long is once again over ... the darkness has cleared, and the sun has come out.  And this year, it really does feel that way.  As we drove home from Briggsville, I suddenly noticed all the blooming trees and flowers along the road.  I would swear they were not there on the drive there ... although they probably were ... my eyes were just not open to see them.  Regardless, I felt that God had put those trees and flowers there just for me ... a reminder that spring is coming on the earth, just as surely as eternal spring will one day come!

Thoughtful Thursday -- A Period or a Question Mark?

A friend recently forwarded me a devotional she received from Joel Osteen's ministry.  Normally, I'm not a huge fan of Joel Osteen ... he seems a little too "health and wealth gospel" to me ... but that is simply my opinion.  I could certainly be wrong on that.  (No "hate comments" please.)  Anyway, this particular devotional really spoke to me -- especially in light of my "February...Ugh!" post a few days ago.  Take a minute and read through it...

File It Away

Today's Scripture:  "Lord, my heart is not haughty, nor my eyes lofty.  Neither do I concern myself with great matters, nor with things too profound for me."  Psalm 131:1, NKJV

When things happen in your life that you didn't plan, do you find yourself trying to reason it all out, or look for a "file," so to speak, in your mind?  What happens when you can't find a "file" to put it in?  What if you can't make sense of it all?

Here's the answer.  Every one of us needs to create a file in our thinking called an "I Don't Understand It" file.  When things come up that don't make sense and you can't figure it out, instead of getting frustrated or confused, simply put it in your "I Don't Understand It" file and leave it alone.  If you go through life trying to figure out why something bad happened, why it didn't work out, why my child didn't get healed, it's going to cause you to be bitter.  Part of trusting God means trusting Him when things don't make sense, knowing that His plan is always for your good; knowing that He will reveal all things in His time -- even if it means in eternity.

Here's what I've learned.  Don't put a question mark where God has put a period.  What the enemy meant for evil, God will ultimately use for your good.  Keep moving forward because God loves you, God is for you, and He has a great plan for you!

Bam!!  That hit me right between the eyes.  I find myself continually pulling out my "Hannah" file, flipping through it, studying it, analyzing it, questioning it, agonizing over it, re-living it ... you get the idea, right?  I don't think that in and of itself is necessarily wrong, because I believe God still has a lot to teach me through her life.  But here's what I do need to do ... Replace that question mark with a period.

Sometimes, even after nearly three years, I wonder if I've really accepted the fact of Hannah's death.  There are still times that none of it really seems real.  Maybe it's because I so desperately wanted there to be a different outcome to her cancer.  That's the question mark I'm referring to.  God put a period at the end of her life.  Not that there aren't still ripples on the pond resulting from her testimony of faith ... her influence continues to touch others.  But God drew a very distinct period on her earthly life on February 26, 2009, and I am not to scrawl a question mark there.

Of course, the key point to remember is that periods are earthly punctuation marks ... Since that earthly period appeared three years ago, Hannah's life has been a series of eternal exclamation points!  And that fact, if nothing else, should put to rest all the question marks!

Tell About It Tuesday -- An Interesting Indonesian Experience

As a missionary pilot in Indonesia, my brother has lots of interesting experiences.  This one ranks right up there!  Click on the link below to read about what happened to him recently...

Flour and Water Equals Honor and Respect

Monday Mourning -- February...Ugh!

I have really come to dislike February over the past few years.  Yes, I know it's just another month on the calendar, and as months go, February is generally pretty inoffensive.  In fact, since it's such a short month, it even goes by quickly.  Most people don't seem to mind February too much.

And this year, as I flipped my calendar page, I determined that I was not going to let February get to me this year.  I mean, after all, a lot of time has gone by!  And it really IS just another month on the calendar!

And yet, I find myself feeling like a punching bag, hanging from the ceiling, swaying back and forth as one blow after another hits its mark.

You see, February is filled with dates I'd much rather forget than remember.  I can't believe that it's been four years since Valentine's Day of 2008, the day our 16-year-old daughter, Hannah, began to show the first symptoms that something was very, very wrong.  Then, four years ago today, we first heard the words, "Your daughter has a brain tumor."  We checked into Arkansas Children's Hospital on the 21st, and Hannah underwent extensive brain surgery on February 25th.  On the 26th, we heard the words, "We got it all!" and we thought that was going to be the end of our journey.  A few days later we found out differently.

Between February of 2008 and February of 2009, Hannah bravely and patiently endured extensive radiation and chemotherapy treatments, but to no avail.  By Valentine's Day of 2009, Hannah's mind had become very simple ... her short term memory was so damaged, she thanked her Daddy every few minutes for the roses he sent her that day.  In the wee hours of the morning of February 16th, we discovered her hemorrhaging in her bedroom and rushed her to Arkansas Children's Hospital.  She was quickly stabilized, but an MRI done that day revealed that her cancer had spread extensively.  We moved into a hospice center on February 18th, an emotionally excruciating experience in and of itself.  On February 26th, Hannah left her room at the hospice center and stepped directly into the waiting arms of Jesus.  And we left the hospice center and went home without her.

Yes, they are just dates on the calendar, but the memories brought back by each and every one of them still feel like sucker punches directly to the gut.  No ... It's not as painful as it was the first year or two ... and I'm thankful for that!  Each day of this month, though, I find myself thinking back ... thinking about what we were thinking, feeling, and experiencing each day.  Those carefree, blissful days before Valentine's Day of 2008, the terrifying, yet hope-filled days surrounding her surgery and recovery, and those heavy, heartbreaking days leading up to her death.  I can't help but re-live each one of those days again.

So, all I can say is, "February...Ugh!"  I'll be glad when yet another February is behind me.

Thank God that His mercies are new every morning!  Check this out from Lamentations (how appropriate, huh?) 3: 17-26, 31-33...

"My soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, 'My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the Lord.'  Remember my affliction and my wanderings, the wormwood and the gall!  My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me.  But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope, the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in Him.'  The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him.  It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord .... For the Lord will not cast off forever, but, though He cause grief, He will have compassion according to the abundance of His steadfast love; for He does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men."

There are some really good promises in that passage.  Some things I definitely remember when February starts dragging me down.  Thank You, Lord, for eternal hope that is not dependent upon circumstances!

Monday Mourning -- Bereaved Siblings

Think back to your childhood for a few minutes.  Think about some of your fondest childhood memories.  How many of them involve your brothers and/or sisters?  It's hard for me to remember back to my early childhood growing up in the north woods of Wisconsin without my older brother being all around the fringes of my memories.  He teased me, annoyed me, picked on me, even occasionally beat on me, but he was always there for me, and we had a lot of fun as each other's playmates growing up together.  And then, when I was 12 years old, my younger brother was born, and I was thrilled to finally  have a sibling who couldn't beat me up!

It was this younger brother and his family who stayed with us for two weeks about a month ago.  They have the two sweetest, most unspoiled little girls ever ... a result of great parenting, certainly, but also attributable to growing up in Indonesia, unaffected by American-style materialism.  Here they are after a visit to Burger King a few weeks ago...

These little girls are exactly two years apart in age, and on March 26th, they will turn 5 and 3.  They are extraordinarily close sisters, and in many ways they remind me of my girls when they were little.

Julia, the older one, is a thinker and an observer.  She will hang back from a new situation and quietly observe with serious eyes before cautiously entering in.  Katie, on the other hand, will barrel into any situation, with little or no hesitation.  Julia serves as Katie's interpreter (even though Katie doesn't usually need one), and you can see her watching over her little sister with love and concern.  Katie is a ham, and Julia is completely content with handing over the spotlight to her sister, even drawing other's attention to what Katie is doing.  It's clear that she is proud of her little sister.  As for Katie, if you watch carefully, you can see how she admires her big sister and revels in her approval.

Hannah and Bethany's relationship growing up is mirrored in the above description of Julia and Katie.  Hannah was the serious-minded, cautious, over-thinking big sister, and Bethany was the fun-loving, impetuous, afraid-of-nothing little sister.  She served as Bethany's rudder, keeping her grounded and helping her make wise decisions in spite of her flightiness.  Hannah was always content to remain in the background, while allowing and even encouraging Bethany to take the spotlight.  Hannah was Bethany's biggest fan and cheerleader, and Bethany thrived on her big sister's approval and support.

But then, Hannah got sick.  Suddenly, the big sister who was always there for her was missing her ball games, spending time in the hospital, throwing up every morning, losing her hair, and growing weaker every day.  And then she was gone.

So what happens when a child loses a sibling?  I will be the first to say that I don't really know...I've never lost a sibling, so there is no possible way I can even come close to understanding that kind of loss. But I want to share a few things I've learned over the past few years.  These things are based on conversations I've had with Bethany and with other parents who are raising bereaved children.  I share them somewhat cautiously, knowing that I am no expert in this area.  I also know that all bereaved sibling situations are different...some kids lose an older sibling, some a younger one; some kids have other siblings, others become an instant only child; some kids lose their siblings suddenly, and others watch their sibling go through a long illness; and I'm sure that the age of the child at the time of loss can have a huge impact.  In fact, before I publish this post, I'm going to have Bethany read it, because if anyone can be an expert on this topic, she is.

So here we go....Things I've learned about struggles of bereaved siblings:

1.  Bereaved siblings feel very alone.  In our case, Bethany lost her closest friend and confidante.  None of her friends could even come close to understanding her loss.  As her parents, we couldn't even understand her loss.  She often said, "You and Dad have each other.  I don't have anybody."  And she was right.

2.  Bereaved siblings struggle spiritually.  So do bereaved parents, but at least we have the benefit of life experience, and many of us have walked with the Lord for years.  We've experienced His provision and His comfort during other difficult times in our lives.  We've seen Him carry others through times of loss, and we know deep down that we can trust Him, even when we don't understand what He's doing.  Our kids don't have those advantages.  All they know is that God has let them down...disappointed them in the biggest way imaginable.  For many of them, this is the first crisis of faith they've ever faced, and they often don't have any idea how to handle it.

3.  Bereaved siblings struggle academically.  Bereaved parents are often able to take a leave of absence from work following the death of their child.  And when we do return to work, we don't get grades on our performance.  Our bosses and co-workers at least attempt to be sensitive and understanding as we muddle through those early days of grief.  Siblings are expected to return to school and pick up where they left off...all while fending off insensitive questions from curious classmates and trying to avoid being sucked into the drama that naturally occurs when a young person dies.  It's not drama for them...It's their life.  And while they struggle to maintain focus and attention on schoolwork with a grief-clouded brain, they are being graded on their performance.

4.  Bereaved siblings struggle socially.  Many of them find themselves living in the shadow of their deceased sibling.  When a young person dies, the natural tendency is to put them on a pedestal, revering their good qualities and forgetting their flaws.  This puts the surviving sibling in the difficult position of trying to live up to an impossible standard, causing them to either live in perpetual frustration, or leading them to give up on that entirely and establish themselves as a unique individual, possibly even the opposite of their sibling.  They also often find themselves in awkward situations, such as when people ask them how many brothers and sisters they have.  If it's hard for us parents to answer the dreaded "How many children do you have" question, how much more difficult is it for our children?  Do they risk the shocked expression on the asker's face when they explain that their sibling died...or do they "betray" their sibling by replying, "None.  I'm an only child."  And then what do they say to their friends who constantly complain about their own siblings, saying things like, "I hate my sister", or "I wish I was an only child"?  How much do those kinds of comments add to their pain?

5.  Bereaved siblings lose their rudder.  Think about your own siblings.  How often have they given you advice or counsel that you might not accept from anyone else (including your parents)?  Our siblings keep us grounded...help us stay on the right track...even keep us humble.  What happens when that grounding influence is gone?  The surviving sibling can lose his or her way in life...finding themselves floating through life without direction, often spinning out of control, without a rudder to keep them on track.  It's sometimes incredibly difficult for them to get their feet back under them.

5.  Bereaved siblings lose their parents.  What I mean is, just when a kid needs his parents the most, the parents may be completely unavailable to him.  Oh, they may be present physically, but may be totally absent emotionally.  A parent who loses a child may be so consumed with their own grief, they have nothing left for their surviving children.  They try...they try really hard to be the kind of parent they need to be...but it is incredibly difficult.  And by the time the parent has sufficiently recovered to truly turn their attention back to their child, that child may have already developed his own way of dealing with his grief, which may or may not be healthy.  And even then, they will never, ever be the same parent that their child has always known.

OK...I know this is by no means an exhaustive list, but I think it covers most of what I've learned, anyway.  I'm going to stop right here and let Bethany read what I've written.  Then I'll find out how much I've actually learned!

************************************

All right, Bethany has given her wholehearted approval to what I've written.  So I now have permission to publish this.

One final thing...I have really come to believe that siblings are the forgotten part of the bereaved family.  Case in point:  Nearly three years have passed since Hannah left us for Heaven, and I am just now writing this post.  Not that I have forgotten Bethany or been unaware of her pain, but I feel like I am just now beginning to understand all the complexities of what she's experienced.  Maybe because I am just now able to really see past my own nose, or maybe because a sibling's pain is so much deeper and more complex than I ever imagined.

If you are reading this and you have lost a sibling, or if you are parenting a child who has lost a sibling, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences related to this topic.  Please post your comments below.  I am definitely open to learning all I can about it.  We believe that the Lord may be leading "While We're Waiting" to host a retreat for bereaved siblings at some point in the future, and this is a baby step in that direction.

Ten On The Tenth -- Ten Incredibly Boring Facts About Me

Yes, I realize it is actually the 11th.  I thought up this post yesterday, but just didn't have time to sit down and type it until today....Does that count?

Actually, I had a hard time thinking of a topic for this month's Ten on the Tenth.  Then I saw where a particular blogger I follow had listed "Ten Incredibly Boring Facts" about himself.  And I thought to myself, "Hmmmm...I bet I can do that...I'm pretty boring."  So, if you really want to know Ten Incredibly Boring Facts about me, read on...

1.  After watching Nadia Comaneci receive seven perfect 10's in the 1976 summer Olympics, I made up my mind that I was going to grow up to be an Olympic gymnast.  I did not let the fact that I was already 5'8" in the fourth grade deter me.  Eventually my total lack of athletic prowess did that for me.

2.  I loved playing with snakes with I was little.  I grew up in northern Wisconsin, where there are lots and lots of snakes, but very few of them are poisonous.  So I made pets out of the grass snakes, red bellies, and garter snakes.  I wouldn't recommend that in Arkansas.

3.  My first car was a blue 1977 Chevy Monza.  It ate fuel pumps and spit them out on a regular basis, but it was my car (paid for with my own money), and I loved it.

4.  My first real job (at age 15) was as an envelope stuffer in a real estate office.  Over time, my responsibilities expanded to the position of office manager, and I even took and passed the real estate exam during my first year of college.  I worked there all through high school and during college breaks, and even one summer after I got married.  What a great job it was...and it helped pay for the aforementioned Chevy Monza and all its fuel pumps.

5.  I became a certified scuba diver when I was in high school.  Diving is a rather expensive hobby, and I don't own any of my own equipment, so I have had few opportunities to do it since becoming certified.  Brad and Bethany also got their PADI certification when we went to Jamaica a few months after Hannah's death, and we had such a wonderful time on that trip diving together.  Would definitely like to do more of that.

6.  I met my husband at a function.  What is a function, you may ask?  Brad and I attended Ouachita Baptist University, a Southern Baptist college where dancing is officially frowned upon.  However, off-campus "functions" took place nearly every weekend, and we met at the very first one of my sophomore and his freshman year.  The rest, as they say, is history.

7.  I'm a word nerd.  I love words...analyzing them, knowing their spellings, understanding their etymology, employing them in just the right situations.  I began reading when I was four years old, before starting kindergarten, and I just seem to be hard-wired for written language.

8.  I played the tuba in the high school band.  It started out as a lark...thinking it would be fun to do something that few girls would ever do...but I ended up really enjoying it.  However, when I graduated, I set down the tuba and have never picked it up again.  So don't ask me to play in the church orchestra.

9.  I love contemporary Christian music and have very eclectic taste within that genre.  My iPod has songs that range from Steve Green and Sandy Patti all the way to Lecrae and TobyMac.  I once said I would never have an iPod...I loved my extensive collection of CDs and just couldn't imagine giving them up.  Yeah, I once said the same thing about electronic books.

10.  I am directionally-challenged.  When we were engaged, Brad used to tell me that when we were married he was going to buy a really long string, and tie one end to my thumb and one end to our doorknob....That way I'd always be able to find my way home.  And you know, it's just about that bad.  It's sad, really.  I truthfully believe that whatever part of the brain that's supposed to regulate directionality is simply missing from mine.  Oh well, we've been married for 24 1/2 years now, and so far, I've always found my way home...and I hardly ever have to use the string!  :)

Tell About It Tuesday -- A Little Girl In Need of Prayer

I would like to introduce you to Haley Gloria.  Haley is the 7-year-old daughter of Jason & Lisa Gloria from Hot Springs, Arkansas, and she has an older sister named Hannah.  Lisa and I became acquainted through Relay for Life.  She had followed my Hannah's story, and has always taken an interest in our family.  We would always visit at the team captain's meetings, and one month she asked me if I would share "Why I Relay" with the entire group.  She was also instrumental in getting our family to be the honorary torch lighters at last year's Relay.  Although we've never really socialized outside of Relay for Life events, I've always felt a special bond with her ... maybe because we both have daughters named Hannah!

A little over a week ago, Haley had an MRI after a couple weeks of baffling symptoms, and she was immediately rushed to Arkansas Children's Hospital.  The MRI revealed the presence of a tumor in the area of her cerebellum and brainstem.  On February 2nd, she underwent a 16 hour surgery, and they were able to remove all but about a centimeter of the tumor, which was just too close to the brainstem.  The family has already been told that it is cancer, and she will be having a spinal tap this week to check for cancer cells in her spinal fluid.  

Haley and her family have a long and difficult road ahead of them.  I believe that God can bring complete healing to this precious child.  Please pray for healing for Haley, and for peace, comfort, strength, and stamina for her family.  You can follow her story on Facebook at "Prayers for Haley Gloria".  Let's surround this family with prayers and love, as only the body of Christ can!

Monday Mourning -- A Crowded Club

We had the great privilege of making a trip to Wynne, Arkansas, yesterday, to share our testimony in a Sunday School class there.  This class is led by our dear friends and "While We're Waiting" alumni, Rex and Mary Jones.  The Jones's invited us to come quite awhile ago, and after several months of trying to find a date that would work for all of us, we finally made the trip yesterday.  And what a great day it was!

I'd like to tell you about the day in reverse order...if that makes any sense.  The highlight of the day was the Sunday School hour, and I want to save that part for last.  So, I'll start with our lunch, which was also a highlight.  We had lunch at the Jones's house with Rex and Mary and their daughter, Tori, and another couple, Steve and Kim Dillard.  Kim and I have been "e friends" for two or three years now, but had never actually met until yesterday.  I honestly can't even remember exactly how we became acquainted, but I do remember why.  Her husband, Steve, was diagnosed with an oligodendroglioma brain tumor back in 2002.  They were originally told that it was inoperable, but Dr. Yasargil, a surgeon at UAMS, was able to successfully remove it. His tumor returned in April of 2010, and they have been in the battle anew ever since.  We have talked often over the last couple of years, comparing chemo medications, side effects, etc. What a blessing it was to finally meet them in person.  They are a wonderful example of grace and peace in the midst of a difficult life situation.  Thankfully, Steve's most recent MRI showed shrinkage of his tumor...Praise the Lord!

The worship service at the church was also a highlight.  (Are you getting the idea by now that the whole visit was a series of highlights?  OK, good.)  Well, the worship leader for the day was none other than Dennis Jernigan.  Dennis Jernigan has written many of the choruses which are sung in today's churches..."Nobody Fills My Heart Like Jesus", "You Are My All In All", "There Is a Fountain", and many more.  He had been at this church leading a weekend conference for music pastors.  What a nice treat for us!  He shared his remarkable testimony about how God has set him free from homosexuality.  He has been married to his wife, Melinda, for 27 years, and has nine children.  If you ever have the opportunity to hear him in person, jump at it!

Now for the real highlight of all the day's events...the Sunday School class.  The Jones's, knowing what the topic of our testimony would be, invited everyone they knew who had lost a child or other loved one into their class that morning.  They even asked the regular members of the class to attend another class across the hall, to be sure there would be enough room for visitors.  The class ended up being standing room only, as more and more people came in who had suffered significant losses, many of them who had lost children.  It was humbling, actually, to speak to a whole room full of these folks.  Afterward, we had the opportunity to visit with many of them, and what a blessing that was.

But here is what we came away with...Just as that Sunday School classroom was crowded, this Bereaved Parents Club is crowded.  This is a club that no one...no one...ever wants to be a part of...yet there are so many of us!  Wynne is a relatively small northeast Arkansas town, with a population of only 13,000 people, yet here was this Sunday School classroom in a relatively small church which was standing room only, filled with mostly bereaved parents.  And they represented probably only a small fraction of the people from Wynne who could have been there.  That's a lot of hurting people!

We believe that God has a plan for "While We're Waiting" to reach out to people just like these folks throughout the state of Arkansas, and maybe even someday around the country.  Will you pray for us as we seek to follow His leadership in how to minister to this unfortunately crowded club?

Tell About It Tuesday -- While We're Waiting Mom's Day

We had our third "While We're Waiting" Mini-Retreat for Bereaved Moms on Saturday, and God gave us another amazing day.

Five moms came and blessed us by sharing their children's stories with us.  One of these dear moms had lost two children, and one had lost four.  Yes, four.  A son and a daughter were stillborn, one son was killed in a car accident, and another son was murdered.  I was rendered speechless by the enormity of her loss.  This mom was raised in an orthodox Jewish home, and did not accept Jesus as her Messiah until after her children's deaths.  She became involved in Bible Study Fellowship as a self-described "bitter old woman" and her life was transformed.  She floored me when she made the statement, "Knowing Christ is worth any cost."  What a testimony.

This particular Mom's Day was a little different than the other two we've had, simply because of the group that God put together.  Each of these moms was at least eight years out from the time she'd lost her child or children.  That gave our conversation a depth and richness that could only come from experience with deep pain and grief.  I really think that we hostesses (who are only two and three years out from our losses) may have benefited more from the conversation than anyone!  I also think the day provided these ladies with an opportunity just to talk about their kids...something they don't often have the opportunity to do since so much time has passed.

Here's our group picture...I fell in love with these ladies on Saturday!

We are blessed to have two ladies who bless us with their "decorating ministry."  Before every Mom's Day, they come and work their magic on Janice's already beautiful home.  This time, they transformed her dining room table into a sparkling winter scene.

And, of course, there are the obligatory pictures of the food.  First, the appetizer, which in Food Channel lingo was "Cold roasted pork tenderloin encrusted with truffle salt and cracked pepper with buttered croutons, horseradish butter cheese, and caramelized onion marmalade."

Then, the salad, which was "Wedge of iceburg with Thai dressing made from sunflower seeds, yellow tomatoes, carrots, and curried Chinese noodles." 

This was followed by the intermezzo..."strawberry sorbet with blueberries and ginger ale."  I wish I could cleanse my palate with this every day! 

Then it was time for the entree'.  It was amazing!  Check out the "chicken osso bucco with garlic red skin potatoes, braised brussels sprouts with bacon and carrots with a white teriyaki sauce."

Finally...what we'd all been waiting for -- dessert!  This was "chocolate mousse with strawberries and raspberry sauce."  It was oh, so good!

And no, I didn't have all those Food Channel descriptions memorized.  Our awesome chef, Chef Franklin, provided me with those.

All in all, this particular "While We're Waiting" Mom's Mini-Retreat was a real blessing for me in particular.  I was so touched listening to the testimonies of these ladies as they shared the lives of their precious children with us, and how their faith had carried them through the years.  I simply felt honored and privileged that God allowed me to be a part of this special day.

Monday Mourning -- My Redeemer

Our house is very quiet tonight.  The Christmas decorations are (finally) put away, and toys and books are no longer littering the floor.  The TV is tuned to women's college basketball, and we're each in our favorite seat in the living room.  Ahhhhhh....relaxing.

But, to tell the truth, I really miss the toys on the floor, and the bedtime stories, and the little girl hugs and giggles!  We had such a great time with my brother and his family over the past two weeks.  The highlight of our time together was Saturday before last, when the whole family got together to celebrate Christmas and my dad's 75th birthday.  It was the first time our entire family had all been together since Hannah's funeral nearly three years ago.

I had forgotten how much fun Christmas is with two little girls around.  They looked forward all week to the day when they could finally open presents, and it was so much fun to watch them!  They especially loved their princess outfits and their Sit and Spins!

There was so much joy in having our family all together again....except for the fact that Hannah was not there.  And, wow...would she have loved to have been there.  Family gatherings were absolutely her favorite thing.  How she would have laughed at those little girls' antics!

Several times during their visit, I was tempted to let sorrow overwhelm me, simply because I wanted Hannah to be there with us so badly.  I just wanted to be able to share all of these fun family experiences with her.  I know that she's not missing out on anything (how could she miss out on anything while she's in Heaven?), but I felt that I was missing out on something!

But every time I started to feel that way, I was reminded that the Lord is my Redeemer.  Not only has He redeemed my soul by paying the price for my sin ... I believe He will redeem all of the time I have lost with Hannah.  And what a comfort that is!  I am looking forward to that day!

"I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end He will stand on the earth."  Job 19:25

SO EXCITED!!

We are SO EXCITED here at the Sullivan household!  Well, wouldn't you be if this kind of cuteness was headed to your house?

Those are my nieces, Katie and Julia, and they will be flying into Little Rock around 8:45 this evening.  And they are coming all the way from Indonesia!  Yes, their parents will be with them....and we're absolutely giddy about seeing them, too, don't get me wrong....but I'm not gonna lie...we are Excited with a capital E about seeing these two little girls.  

The last time we saw my brother's family was June of 2009, just a few months after Hannah went to Heaven.  Katie was not even three months old.  They are full-time missionaries with Mission Aviation Fellowship, and they have been in Indonesia for the past six years.  They've been home one other time during that stretch of time, when their furlough just "happened" to fall during Hannah's last months of life.  Amazing how God works those things out, isn't it?  

Here's a picture from that time.  We were at Children's Hospital where Hannah was about to get a platelet infusion.  Julia was enthralled by an episode of Dora the Explorer on TV....a whole new experience for her!  A good day.

So, now you know why we're so excited at our house.  The blog may be "going dark" for a couple of weeks while they're here...We want to enjoy every minute we have with them.  See you then!