If you've followed this blog for awhile, you know I'm a big fan of Ann Voskamp's book "One Thousand Gifts". Her basic premise in this book (written in the most beautiful prose I've ever read) is that true joy comes through thanksgiving. And I don't mean "Thanksgiving"...as in the once-yearly event where we gorge ourselves with rich food, watch football, and spend a few brief moments being thankful for our blessings in general. I mean a day-in, day-out lifestyle of thanksgiving, where we recognize and thank God for each and every blessing He brings into our lives, no matter how tiny or seemingly insignificant. The author describes how her life was transformed by simply listing every blessing in her life, up to 1,000 of them. She then started her list all over again.
Reading this book inspired me to start my own list of 1,000 things that bring me joy, and I've even shared many of them on this blog. It can be so easy to get caught up self-pity after suffering a great loss in life, especially when you tend to be an Eeyore like me. This list has served as a reminder to me to look for and appreciate all the good things in life....and we truly are surrounded by them. I've kept my list in a little notebook that I carry in my purse, and if I'm perfectly honest, I often miss writing things down because it's just too much trouble to dig it out from amongst all the other junk in there and then find something to write with. As a result, my list has suffered from neglect.
But...would you believe there's an app for that? It's called "One Thousand Gifts" (what else?) and it's waaaay better than a list scrawled in a notebook. When you first open it, you get a quote from Ann's book (such as "Wherever you are, be fully there"), and then you move on to your list. Adding an item is as simple as typing it in, and here's the coolest part....you can add a photo! So you not only have your list, but you can have pictures of everything on your list. You can also easily share your captured gifts to Twitter, Facebook, and Flickr. How fun is that? As soon as I have time (not sure when that will be!) I'm going to transfer my entire list into this app, and then, hopefully, I will do a better job of keeping up with it.
Oh, and did I mention that this app is free? Yes, FREE! At least it was when I downloaded it a few days ago. I'm not sure if it's available on the Android platform or not, since I'm an iPhone girl. And now....I've got a few minutes. I think I'll go work on my list...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Glory Girl Update
Here's the latest update on sweet little Glory, posted by her Mom on the "Fight Like a Glory Girl" Facebook page a couple of days ago...
"We could never thank all of you enough for your encouragement, thoughtfulness, and mostly your prayers. I think a little of all of our hearts are breaking today. Every time I get negative news from Glory's doctors, I mourn another piece of the idea I had the moment I found out I was pregnant with her...the idea that she would grow up playing with her sissy...the idea that she would graduate high school, get married, and have babies of her own...even the idea (although possibly in a less conscious manner) that I would die before her. Over the past year, those hopes have been less and less as Glory fights an uphill battle.
I generally do not mention Glory’s medical diagnosis in detail or dwell on her list of defects simply because it is not what defines Glory. What defines her is her smile, the way she loves, the way she is loved by those around her, the way she talks with her eyes, the way she thinks her sissy is the best person in the world… I could go on and on. But I want to list her defects now because I want you to understand how strong (medically) she is… Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, Double Outlet Right Ventricle, Atrioventricular Canal, and Heterotaxy are her heart defects. She was also born with esophageal atresia (the upper portion of her esophagus is not connected to her stomach), tracheophageal fistula, asplenia (she was born without a spleen), and bronchomalacia (her left lung is very underdeveloped and weak). It is important that you understand that she should not have survived one week. I want you to know that her life today is a miracle. I wish she was going to be with us for years and years, but the likelihood of that is getting smaller and smaller. It is worth mentioning here that I do believe that God can heal Glory at any time, but the world we live in is not perfect, and only He knows the future. Glory has already accomplished more in her 16 months than most of us do in 50 years..I could not be more proud of her. Please join me in celebrating her life in the days ahead (even though we don’t know how many)…she is here now…she is still smiling. None of us know what day is our last, so we are going to continue on and enjoy every moment we have with Glory Girl. I could not feel more blessed to be her mother and spend even one more day with her. She is, and has always been, a result of your prayers.
The picture is of her today enjoying watching The Polar Express with Mo-Mo. She has not felt well the past few weeks, but if she has any energy to do anything, she is smiling. :) Please pray for our transition home, for Glory to be happy and comfortable, for us as we make daily decisions about Glory’s care, and for Eliana.
Three things will last forever – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:13."
As we all celebrate Thanksgiving today, let us all hug our family members a little bit tighter and squeeze every bit of joy out of our time together. Let us be truly thankful for the blessings of faith, family, and the hope of Heaven.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Tell About It Tuesday -- There's An App For That!
Wow....Two posts in two days! That hasn't happened in awhile!
Today I wanted to share with you my two new favorite iPhone apps. So if you don't have an iPhone, I guess you can just move on to the next blog....or maybe reading about these apps just might make you decide to take the plunge and get one! I suppose these may be available on the Droid platform, but I really have no idea. All I know is that these are two terrific apps that you might enjoy.
The first is called PrayerMate, and it is a great way to help you organize your quiet time. If you're like me, you have LOTS of people on your prayer list. In particular, I have a long list of people with cancer, and a long list of people who are grieving the loss of their children. I used to keep this list written on a white board, and tried to pray through it each day. It was rather unwieldly, and my prayers for each person were necessarily brief and to be honest, somewhat shallow, as the list just seemed to continue to grow each day. I would also feel bad when a friend would ask me to pray for someone, and I would agree to do so, only to find that by the time I got home to my white board I had forgotten their name! Or maybe I'd pray for them a time or two, and then a new prayer need would come along and I would forget all about them.
Well, this neat little app helps keep me straight. It allows you to enter categories and then put names or items under each category heading. For example, I have categories like "My Family, My Church, Unbelievers, Missions, Those with Cancer, Those with Illnesses, Those Who are Grieving, My Country", etc. Then, under each category I have names or other items. For example, under "My Church", I have listed by name each staff member, then each ministry of the church, such as Celebrate Recovery, Anchor of Hope, the youth group, Upward Soccer, etc. Once you get all the information entered, you can set how many items under each category you want to pray for each day. For example, I have fifty-one names under "Those with Cancer", so each day, I have it set so that three of those names will come up. I can't possibly pray well for 51 people with cancer each day (in addition to other people on my list), but I certainly can pray for three.
After you have all the information entered and the number of category items you want to pray for each day set, the app is very easy to use. It works like flashcards. You simply swipe through, card by card, and pray for each one. It's also very easy to add new categories and new names. So now, when someone stops you in the hallway at church and asks you to pray for their mother who's just been diagnosed with cancer, you can enter her name into your PrayerMate app, and there you go! No more forgetting those important prayer needs. Oh, and did I mention that this app is free? Hang on....never mind. When I got it, it was free, but I just checked the app store and it is now $2.99. Still...that's pretty close to free.
The other app I just found recently and I haven't even been using it a full week yet....but I love it! This one is called Fighter Verses, and it is also $2.99. This is a fantastic app if you want to develop the discipline of Scripture memorization. It is amazing! You can choose to memorize either one or two verses a week, and it provides you with 520 pre-loaded verses, which is two complete five year collections of verses. You can also add any verse you want, just by putting in the reference. You don't even have to type it in there. There are five different Bible translations available...so you can memorize in ESV, NIV, NASB, KJV or a Spanish version. It also has built-in quizzes, where they put blanks in the verses and you tap them to fill them in or select the missing word from a word bank. How many of you remember trying to learn memory verses in Sunday School by writing them out, erasing a few words, and trying to say them? Well, this app does that for you!
There are even verses selected just for children to memorize that include visual cues, AND if you use the ESV version, there are songs to help them learn them. Where, oh where was this app when my children were in AWANA? You can also set your weekly verse as the lock screen on your phone, so you see it everytime you turn on your phone. Pretty awesome, if you ask me. I am really loving this app.
So, there you go...PrayerMate and Fighter Verses. Six bucks well spent, if you ask me. I'll let you go now, so you can go check out the App Store! Happy downloading!!
Today I wanted to share with you my two new favorite iPhone apps. So if you don't have an iPhone, I guess you can just move on to the next blog....or maybe reading about these apps just might make you decide to take the plunge and get one! I suppose these may be available on the Droid platform, but I really have no idea. All I know is that these are two terrific apps that you might enjoy.
The first is called PrayerMate, and it is a great way to help you organize your quiet time. If you're like me, you have LOTS of people on your prayer list. In particular, I have a long list of people with cancer, and a long list of people who are grieving the loss of their children. I used to keep this list written on a white board, and tried to pray through it each day. It was rather unwieldly, and my prayers for each person were necessarily brief and to be honest, somewhat shallow, as the list just seemed to continue to grow each day. I would also feel bad when a friend would ask me to pray for someone, and I would agree to do so, only to find that by the time I got home to my white board I had forgotten their name! Or maybe I'd pray for them a time or two, and then a new prayer need would come along and I would forget all about them.
Well, this neat little app helps keep me straight. It allows you to enter categories and then put names or items under each category heading. For example, I have categories like "My Family, My Church, Unbelievers, Missions, Those with Cancer, Those with Illnesses, Those Who are Grieving, My Country", etc. Then, under each category I have names or other items. For example, under "My Church", I have listed by name each staff member, then each ministry of the church, such as Celebrate Recovery, Anchor of Hope, the youth group, Upward Soccer, etc. Once you get all the information entered, you can set how many items under each category you want to pray for each day. For example, I have fifty-one names under "Those with Cancer", so each day, I have it set so that three of those names will come up. I can't possibly pray well for 51 people with cancer each day (in addition to other people on my list), but I certainly can pray for three.
After you have all the information entered and the number of category items you want to pray for each day set, the app is very easy to use. It works like flashcards. You simply swipe through, card by card, and pray for each one. It's also very easy to add new categories and new names. So now, when someone stops you in the hallway at church and asks you to pray for their mother who's just been diagnosed with cancer, you can enter her name into your PrayerMate app, and there you go! No more forgetting those important prayer needs. Oh, and did I mention that this app is free? Hang on....never mind. When I got it, it was free, but I just checked the app store and it is now $2.99. Still...that's pretty close to free.
The other app I just found recently and I haven't even been using it a full week yet....but I love it! This one is called Fighter Verses, and it is also $2.99. This is a fantastic app if you want to develop the discipline of Scripture memorization. It is amazing! You can choose to memorize either one or two verses a week, and it provides you with 520 pre-loaded verses, which is two complete five year collections of verses. You can also add any verse you want, just by putting in the reference. You don't even have to type it in there. There are five different Bible translations available...so you can memorize in ESV, NIV, NASB, KJV or a Spanish version. It also has built-in quizzes, where they put blanks in the verses and you tap them to fill them in or select the missing word from a word bank. How many of you remember trying to learn memory verses in Sunday School by writing them out, erasing a few words, and trying to say them? Well, this app does that for you!
There are even verses selected just for children to memorize that include visual cues, AND if you use the ESV version, there are songs to help them learn them. Where, oh where was this app when my children were in AWANA? You can also set your weekly verse as the lock screen on your phone, so you see it everytime you turn on your phone. Pretty awesome, if you ask me. I am really loving this app.
So, there you go...PrayerMate and Fighter Verses. Six bucks well spent, if you ask me. I'll let you go now, so you can go check out the App Store! Happy downloading!!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Monday Mourning -- Ten Things That (Still) Make Me Sad
As we approach our third holiday season since Hannah went to Heaven, I've been dealing with the now-familiar wave of grief that always seems to come around this time of year. After the loss of a child, there are the big, obvious things that make you sad, like the holidays, your child's birthday, the anniversary of their death, or their empty bedroom ... but there are also little things, things that would seem completely inconsequential to others, but things that must be dealt with on a daily, or nearly daily, basis.
Since I missed this month's Ten on the Tenth (I'm going to blame that on Bethany's basketball schedule), I thought I would list ten things that still make me sad on a daily basis, even though it's been nearly three years since Hannah went to Heaven.
1. Grocery shopping -- Hannah loved Chex Mix and green olives...two things that no one else in the family eats. I used to buy them just for her. She would sit and eat green olives right out of the jar like they were candy. As her health deteriorated and her sense of taste was affected by radiation and chemotherapy, her tastes dwindled to basically three things: Oranges, Michelina frozen fettucini, and Special K with Red Berries cereal. It was not uncommon for her to eat a bowl of cereal, some fettucini, and an orange in the middle of the night in the last month of her life. It makes me very sad to go grocery shopping and not buy any of these things ... I will actually avert my eyes as I walk down the aisles so I don't have to see any of these items.
2. Seeing her high school friends -- I was at our high school football game on Friday night, and watched as her two best high school friends walked by together, laughing and talking. I always feel such a tug in my heart whenever I see her friends from school, knowing that they are home from college for the weekend, spending time with their families. Really makes me miss my girl.
3. Getting out three plates for dinner -- Even after almost three years, I never pull plates out of the cabinet without an awareness that I'm only getting three of them instead of four. The evening we came home from the hospice center after Hannah's death in February of 2009, there was a nice, warm supper waiting for us on the counter from a sweet family in our Sunday School class. Amazingly, we were actually hungry, not having eaten all day, and we decided to sit down and eat. I opened up the cabinet and pulled out four plates. I was pulling four forks out of the silverware tray, when Brad pointed out to me what I was doing. The heartache I felt as I put one of those plates back into the cabinet is repeated every time I get out three plates for dinner.
4. Seeing mothers and daughters together -- Whenever I see mothers and their nearly-adult daughters together, especially shopping, I feel that familiar pang. Hannah and I were great shopping buddies. Of course, she loved it when we shopped for her, but she would also encourage me to shop for myself. She would find outfits for me to try on, and waited patiently while I changed into them and modeled for her. She actually helped bring my wardrobe into the 21st century from the1990s 1980s. I miss those days.
5. Going to Bethany's school events -- Bethany is very active in school and church activities, and I love watching her play basketball, high jump, and cheer. It's one of my favorite things to do. But there's always a sadness that Hannah is not there to cheer her on. I know she'd be in college now and would miss a lot of these events anyway, but she'd be following her activities closely, and would come to anything she was able to. Last week Bethany played in a basketball tournament at Ouachita Baptist University, where Hannah would have been a student, and it would have been so much fun for us to have watched those games together. Hannah was not athletic, and she knew it, but I think that made her appreciate Bethany's athleticism even more. She was definitely her sister's biggest fan, even coming to watch her play basketball in the last month of her life, when she couldn't even walk without assistance. It makes me sad that Bethany doesn't get to hear her voice in the stands cheering her on.
6. Sharing new things with her -- It seems like there's always something I want to tell her or show her, like the beauty of the changing leaves, or a new song by Switchfoot, or the new comforter I found on sale at Kohl's yesterday. I want to show her how much the trees we planted have grown, and show her all the changes that have taken place on her high school campus in the past couple of years. And it seems that if I ever say something like, "I wish Hannah could see this", some sweet, kind, well-meaning person will say, "Oh, she already knows about it." And that's probably true (although with all the beauty surrounding her, does she really pay attention to what's going on here on earth....I'm not really sure about that), but it's not especially helpful when I'm missing her physical presence.
7. The grave -- Thankfully, I don't have to deal with her grave on a daily basis. I know that many bereaved parents get a great deal of comfort from visiting their child's grave, and that is wonderful. There is no comfort for me there...only pain. Her grave is located in a cemetery near the Sullivan family deer camp, which is where we often have family gatherings. It is excruciating to drive right past her grave on the way to a family get-together. Some completely illogical part of my brain feels like we ought to stop, pick her up, and bring her with us. It makes me very sad that we can't.
8. Changing seasons -- For some reason, as one season fades into another, the sadness hits me again. I think maybe it's because the changing seasons are a sign of time passing ... stretching out the number of days since I last saw her, talked to her, held her hand.
9. Her cousins -- Hannah was the oldest of all her cousins by about 3 1/2 years. As a natural-born leader, she was adored by all her younger cousins. She kept them all in line, squelched all the bickering, and served as director and narrator of the annual cousin nativity play at Christmas time. It absolutely breaks my heart to know that three of her cousins will never remember her ... one was almost two when she died, one only three months, and one yet unborn. Their parents have done a wonderful job of making sure they know who Hannah was, but it just makes me so sad that they never had the opportunity to know her.
10. While We're Waiting -- Whenever we have a While We're Waiting event, I always wish I could sit down with her and tell her all about it, and it makes me sad that I can't, because I know she'd enjoy hearing all about it. But then it hits me ... While We're Waiting would not exist if she were here. The Anchor of Hope Cancer Ministry would not exist if she were here. The lives that God has used these ministries to touch would remain untouched.
So, why write about the things that make me sad? The other day, I found this quote by Ed Welch: “I find that there are three levels of clarity. When I only think about something, my thoughts are embryonic and muddled. When I speak about it, my thoughts become clearer, though not always. When I write about it, I jump to a new level of clarity.” Wow, can I relate to that quote!
I've been feeling the need lately to clarify for myself what exactly are the things that trigger my sadness. Maybe by specifically identifying them, I can be better prepared for their onslaught. And maybe there's someone reading this who can relate ... who might read these things and realize, like one of the Moms who came to our last While We're Waiting Weekend, that they are not the only one who deals with this kind of stuff on a daily basis.
I've been faciliating the Beth Moore study "Patriarchs" for the last several weeks at our church. In last week's video, she talked about how she had been the victim of sexual abuse of a child, and finally had the opportunity to confront the perpetrator. She described being dismayed and broken-hearted by the fact that he just didn't seem to "get it." He seemed to have no idea (or no concern) how her life had been impacted by his actions. She concluded by stating that even if no one else "gets it", God does. Wow! What a comfort that was to me! Even some of my most illogical thoughts and feelings, He "gets." And even though those things still bring sadness to my heart, it sure helps to know that He cares and understands!
Since I missed this month's Ten on the Tenth (I'm going to blame that on Bethany's basketball schedule), I thought I would list ten things that still make me sad on a daily basis, even though it's been nearly three years since Hannah went to Heaven.
1. Grocery shopping -- Hannah loved Chex Mix and green olives...two things that no one else in the family eats. I used to buy them just for her. She would sit and eat green olives right out of the jar like they were candy. As her health deteriorated and her sense of taste was affected by radiation and chemotherapy, her tastes dwindled to basically three things: Oranges, Michelina frozen fettucini, and Special K with Red Berries cereal. It was not uncommon for her to eat a bowl of cereal, some fettucini, and an orange in the middle of the night in the last month of her life. It makes me very sad to go grocery shopping and not buy any of these things ... I will actually avert my eyes as I walk down the aisles so I don't have to see any of these items.
2. Seeing her high school friends -- I was at our high school football game on Friday night, and watched as her two best high school friends walked by together, laughing and talking. I always feel such a tug in my heart whenever I see her friends from school, knowing that they are home from college for the weekend, spending time with their families. Really makes me miss my girl.
3. Getting out three plates for dinner -- Even after almost three years, I never pull plates out of the cabinet without an awareness that I'm only getting three of them instead of four. The evening we came home from the hospice center after Hannah's death in February of 2009, there was a nice, warm supper waiting for us on the counter from a sweet family in our Sunday School class. Amazingly, we were actually hungry, not having eaten all day, and we decided to sit down and eat. I opened up the cabinet and pulled out four plates. I was pulling four forks out of the silverware tray, when Brad pointed out to me what I was doing. The heartache I felt as I put one of those plates back into the cabinet is repeated every time I get out three plates for dinner.
4. Seeing mothers and daughters together -- Whenever I see mothers and their nearly-adult daughters together, especially shopping, I feel that familiar pang. Hannah and I were great shopping buddies. Of course, she loved it when we shopped for her, but she would also encourage me to shop for myself. She would find outfits for me to try on, and waited patiently while I changed into them and modeled for her. She actually helped bring my wardrobe into the 21st century from the
5. Going to Bethany's school events -- Bethany is very active in school and church activities, and I love watching her play basketball, high jump, and cheer. It's one of my favorite things to do. But there's always a sadness that Hannah is not there to cheer her on. I know she'd be in college now and would miss a lot of these events anyway, but she'd be following her activities closely, and would come to anything she was able to. Last week Bethany played in a basketball tournament at Ouachita Baptist University, where Hannah would have been a student, and it would have been so much fun for us to have watched those games together. Hannah was not athletic, and she knew it, but I think that made her appreciate Bethany's athleticism even more. She was definitely her sister's biggest fan, even coming to watch her play basketball in the last month of her life, when she couldn't even walk without assistance. It makes me sad that Bethany doesn't get to hear her voice in the stands cheering her on.
6. Sharing new things with her -- It seems like there's always something I want to tell her or show her, like the beauty of the changing leaves, or a new song by Switchfoot, or the new comforter I found on sale at Kohl's yesterday. I want to show her how much the trees we planted have grown, and show her all the changes that have taken place on her high school campus in the past couple of years. And it seems that if I ever say something like, "I wish Hannah could see this", some sweet, kind, well-meaning person will say, "Oh, she already knows about it." And that's probably true (although with all the beauty surrounding her, does she really pay attention to what's going on here on earth....I'm not really sure about that), but it's not especially helpful when I'm missing her physical presence.
7. The grave -- Thankfully, I don't have to deal with her grave on a daily basis. I know that many bereaved parents get a great deal of comfort from visiting their child's grave, and that is wonderful. There is no comfort for me there...only pain. Her grave is located in a cemetery near the Sullivan family deer camp, which is where we often have family gatherings. It is excruciating to drive right past her grave on the way to a family get-together. Some completely illogical part of my brain feels like we ought to stop, pick her up, and bring her with us. It makes me very sad that we can't.
8. Changing seasons -- For some reason, as one season fades into another, the sadness hits me again. I think maybe it's because the changing seasons are a sign of time passing ... stretching out the number of days since I last saw her, talked to her, held her hand.
9. Her cousins -- Hannah was the oldest of all her cousins by about 3 1/2 years. As a natural-born leader, she was adored by all her younger cousins. She kept them all in line, squelched all the bickering, and served as director and narrator of the annual cousin nativity play at Christmas time. It absolutely breaks my heart to know that three of her cousins will never remember her ... one was almost two when she died, one only three months, and one yet unborn. Their parents have done a wonderful job of making sure they know who Hannah was, but it just makes me so sad that they never had the opportunity to know her.
10. While We're Waiting -- Whenever we have a While We're Waiting event, I always wish I could sit down with her and tell her all about it, and it makes me sad that I can't, because I know she'd enjoy hearing all about it. But then it hits me ... While We're Waiting would not exist if she were here. The Anchor of Hope Cancer Ministry would not exist if she were here. The lives that God has used these ministries to touch would remain untouched.
So, why write about the things that make me sad? The other day, I found this quote by Ed Welch: “I find that there are three levels of clarity. When I only think about something, my thoughts are embryonic and muddled. When I speak about it, my thoughts become clearer, though not always. When I write about it, I jump to a new level of clarity.” Wow, can I relate to that quote!
I've been feeling the need lately to clarify for myself what exactly are the things that trigger my sadness. Maybe by specifically identifying them, I can be better prepared for their onslaught. And maybe there's someone reading this who can relate ... who might read these things and realize, like one of the Moms who came to our last While We're Waiting Weekend, that they are not the only one who deals with this kind of stuff on a daily basis.
I've been faciliating the Beth Moore study "Patriarchs" for the last several weeks at our church. In last week's video, she talked about how she had been the victim of sexual abuse of a child, and finally had the opportunity to confront the perpetrator. She described being dismayed and broken-hearted by the fact that he just didn't seem to "get it." He seemed to have no idea (or no concern) how her life had been impacted by his actions. She concluded by stating that even if no one else "gets it", God does. Wow! What a comfort that was to me! Even some of my most illogical thoughts and feelings, He "gets." And even though those things still bring sadness to my heart, it sure helps to know that He cares and understands!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Tell About It Tuesday -- The CureSearch Walk
Ahhhhhh....It's Tuesday evening and I have nothing to do and nowhere to be! Bethany was supposed to babysit an extremely active 2-year-old boy for a few hours at our house this evening, and honestly, I've been dreading it all day. She's done this before, and he's a sweet little guy. But when you're not used to having a two year old around, and you have no toys for two year olds, and when the two year old's parents are not around to take care of him...and did I mention that he is a extremely active two year old...well, let's just say when I found out late this afternoon that the little fella was sick and wouldn't be coming, I breathed a sigh of relief. OK, maybe I even did a little happy dance. A whole evening with nothing to do!
Nothing to do but blog, that is. Life has been so busy lately, it's been hard to get on and write regularly and I'm hopelessly behind on my blog reading. Basketball season officially got underway last night with the start of a tournament at Ouachita Baptist University. Bethany's team played at 8:30 p.m. (getting us home around 10:30 p.m.) and they won. Lucky us, that means we get to play tomorrow night at 8:30 p.m. And win or lose, we'll play again Thursday night. Then there's the start of football playoffs Friday night. Busy, but fun. And I am so thankful that Bethany has sufficiently recovered from her concussion to be able to play a little bit last night. She was not quite on her game, but she'll get there. God is good.
I've been wanting to share a little bit about the CureSearch Walk for pediatric cancer awareness and funding that we were privileged to be a part of on October 15th. This was the first time this event has ever been held in Little Rock, and we felt it was a huge success.
The morning began at Murray Park in Little Rock, where a ceremony was held to honor the young cancer survivors, and then we walked a 5K. The route took us over the Big Dam Bridge and back. As you can see, the weather was perfect!
When we reached the end of the Big Dam Bridge, there was a banner for all of us to sign, either in honor or in memory of our children. Just take a look at how many children, just from Arkansas, are touched by cancer.
We walked with our friends, Bobby and Amy, whose 5-year-old son Joel went to Heaven in August after a battle with pediatric brain cancer. We got to see several of the families whose children were fighting cancer at the same time that Hannah was. It was wonderful (if somewhat bittersweet) to see those kids growing and thriving. We were also able to visit with Hannah's oncologist for the first time since we walked out of Children's Hospital over two years ago, and it was great to visit with him outside of a hospital setting. He introduced us to his wife, and said that Hannah was the "most beautiful girl he had ever seen." Maybe he says that about all of his patients, but knowing him, I really don't think so. Let's just say I was glad I had my sunglasses on.
Over $50,000 was raised for pediatric cancer research that day. We've got a long way to go to catch up to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, but it's a start. You know...the breast cancer folks have done an incredible job of raising awareness and funding for their cause. And it's a great cause! I don't think you can find anyone who is not aware of the prevalence of breast cancer in this country. But...I can not tell you how many times I've heard someone (including myself) say, "I had no idea how many children were affected by cancer until my child was diagnosed with it." It's time to get the word out. We are looking forward to being a part of the CureSearch Walk for years to come!
Nothing to do but blog, that is. Life has been so busy lately, it's been hard to get on and write regularly and I'm hopelessly behind on my blog reading. Basketball season officially got underway last night with the start of a tournament at Ouachita Baptist University. Bethany's team played at 8:30 p.m. (getting us home around 10:30 p.m.) and they won. Lucky us, that means we get to play tomorrow night at 8:30 p.m. And win or lose, we'll play again Thursday night. Then there's the start of football playoffs Friday night. Busy, but fun. And I am so thankful that Bethany has sufficiently recovered from her concussion to be able to play a little bit last night. She was not quite on her game, but she'll get there. God is good.
I've been wanting to share a little bit about the CureSearch Walk for pediatric cancer awareness and funding that we were privileged to be a part of on October 15th. This was the first time this event has ever been held in Little Rock, and we felt it was a huge success.
The morning began at Murray Park in Little Rock, where a ceremony was held to honor the young cancer survivors, and then we walked a 5K. The route took us over the Big Dam Bridge and back. As you can see, the weather was perfect!
When we reached the end of the Big Dam Bridge, there was a banner for all of us to sign, either in honor or in memory of our children. Just take a look at how many children, just from Arkansas, are touched by cancer.
We walked with our friends, Bobby and Amy, whose 5-year-old son Joel went to Heaven in August after a battle with pediatric brain cancer. We got to see several of the families whose children were fighting cancer at the same time that Hannah was. It was wonderful (if somewhat bittersweet) to see those kids growing and thriving. We were also able to visit with Hannah's oncologist for the first time since we walked out of Children's Hospital over two years ago, and it was great to visit with him outside of a hospital setting. He introduced us to his wife, and said that Hannah was the "most beautiful girl he had ever seen." Maybe he says that about all of his patients, but knowing him, I really don't think so. Let's just say I was glad I had my sunglasses on.
Over $50,000 was raised for pediatric cancer research that day. We've got a long way to go to catch up to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, but it's a start. You know...the breast cancer folks have done an incredible job of raising awareness and funding for their cause. And it's a great cause! I don't think you can find anyone who is not aware of the prevalence of breast cancer in this country. But...I can not tell you how many times I've heard someone (including myself) say, "I had no idea how many children were affected by cancer until my child was diagnosed with it." It's time to get the word out. We are looking forward to being a part of the CureSearch Walk for years to come!
Monday, November 7, 2011
"While We're Waiting Weekend" Wrap-Up
"Now to Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
I think I quoted that same Scripture after our last "While We're Waiting Weekend" for couples, but I just had to use it again. Because once again, God did exceedingly abundantly above all that we could ask or imagine over the course of this past weekend.
You might recall from my post a couple of weeks ago that this weekend almost didn't happen. We were this close (I'm holding my thumb and forefinger a couple of millimeters apart) to canceling this fall's retreat and just waiting until the spring. We had a few couples registered, but things just didn't seem to be falling into place. Several couples who wanted to come had other obligations and were unable to attend. We host couples were all very busy with other things. Maybe God was telling us that this just wasn't the right time...that we needed to just be patient and wait until the spring. We were even bold enough to give God a time limit...if no one signed up in the next 24 hours....there would be no "While We're Waiting Weekend" this fall.
Well, I think God kind of chuckled at that, because within 24 hours, a sweet young widowed mom signed up, and then 24 hours later, He sent another couple. Yes, we got the message loud and clear, and the weekend was on!
And what a weekend it was!
I can never adequately express everything that happened this weekend in words, so I'm going to attempt to illustrate some of it in pictures.
First...Family Farm, our beautiful "home away from home" for the weekend...
Our hosts and hostesses...
Our kids' pictures...
Session time, both inside and outside...
Visiting the animals on the farm...
Going on a hay ride...
Trying out the land skis...Yes, the guys won this time!
Riding the two zip lines...one through the woods and one over the pond!
Taking a break and enjoying the absolutely beautiful weather...
And enjoying a gourmet dinner prepared by Chef Franklin. Here he's making Bananas Foster for dessert....
But as great as all these activities were, they could not hold a candle to the highlight of the weekend. Remember the young widowed mom I mentioned at the beginning of this post...the one who God used to make this whole weekend happen?
Over the course of the weekend, she realized that although she was a Christian, she had not been growing in her faith. She had also never been baptized, and she expressed a desire to be baptized as a symbol of her new commitment to Christ....and she didn't want to wait. Isn't God amazing? So on Sunday morning, after a time of praise and worship, we all walked down to the pond, where Stan May and Brad baptized her in the chilly waters. I share these pictures with her permission.
After the baptism, we had an impromptu surprise party for this sweet mom, whose birthday is coming up this week. We were not only celebrating her birthday...we were celebrating her new commitment to her Lord!
One of our dads also rededicated his life to the Lord while we were there, and I believe every one who came left there with renewed hope for the future and a commitment to honor our children and our Lord by living well while we're waiting to be reunited with them. Just take a look at these smiling faces!
Our next While We're Waiting Weekend for Bereaved Parents is scheduled for April 20-22, 2012 For more information or to register, just go to the While We're Waiting website. Also, please help us spread the word if you know someone who might be interested in attending an event like this!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
"While We're Waiting Weekend" Eve
Tomorrow night will mark the start of our second "While We're Waiting Weekend" for Bereaved Parents. We'll be kicking things off with dinner around 5:30 -- a group of strangers with nothing in common but the indescribable pain of losing a child. Well, no...that's not really the only thing we have in common. We also share faith in God -- a faith, that for many of us, has been shaken and tested by our life experiences. We have lived I Peter 1:6-7: "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." (Thank you, Robyn, for reminding me of this passage! Your timing was perfect!)
I want to ask you to pray for this weekend. First of all, that Jesus Christ would receive the praise, glory, and honor as described in I Peter 1:7. Secondly, please pray that this weekend would be a time of refreshment, renewal, comfort, and encouragement as we come together to share our children's lives and to learn from each other. Even though we will be arriving as strangers, I believe we will leave as dear friends. Finally, please pray that God will take care of all those little details that can arise during an event like this. We want to be able to keep the focus where it belongs...on Him and on our guests.
Every time we have one of these While We're Waiting events, I have trouble sleeping the night before. My heart is always filled with a combination of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, inadequacy, exhilaration, and even some fear. Sounds pretty conflicted, huh? So I just have to remind myself that I am but an earthen vessel, and that the excellency of the power is of God, and not of me...a little paraphrase of II Corinthians 4:7. Knowing that you are praying will help me with that...so "Thanks" in advance for your prayers!
I want to ask you to pray for this weekend. First of all, that Jesus Christ would receive the praise, glory, and honor as described in I Peter 1:7. Secondly, please pray that this weekend would be a time of refreshment, renewal, comfort, and encouragement as we come together to share our children's lives and to learn from each other. Even though we will be arriving as strangers, I believe we will leave as dear friends. Finally, please pray that God will take care of all those little details that can arise during an event like this. We want to be able to keep the focus where it belongs...on Him and on our guests.
Every time we have one of these While We're Waiting events, I have trouble sleeping the night before. My heart is always filled with a combination of excitement, anxiety, anticipation, inadequacy, exhilaration, and even some fear. Sounds pretty conflicted, huh? So I just have to remind myself that I am but an earthen vessel, and that the excellency of the power is of God, and not of me...a little paraphrase of II Corinthians 4:7. Knowing that you are praying will help me with that...so "Thanks" in advance for your prayers!
Monday, October 31, 2011
One Of Those Weeks....
Have you ever had one of those weeks? You know, the kind where you just try to make it through each day, thinking there's got to be some light at the end of this crazy tunnel? Well, our family had one of those last week.
It all started with a phone call I received from my husband last Sunday evening. Our Sunday evening schedules are rather crazy...I have handbell practice, my husband is partipating in a study of the book "Radical", and Bethany has been taking part in block parties which have been sponsored by her youth group around the city of Hot Springs. All of these events start and end at different times, so we end up taking three vehicles to church. I had already arrived home and was looking forward to a relaxing remainder of the evening when I received said phone call.
I knew it was Brad calling by the ring tone, but when I said "Hello", all I could hear was a bunch of commotion in the background. As I was trying to piece together what I was hearing, he said, "Hey, Bethany hit her head at the block party, and she's kind of confused." About that time I figured out what the commotion was...It was Bethany, crying, and saying, "What's going on? What's happening to me?" After a few seconds of this, I told him to bring her to the hospital, and that I would meet them there. He quickly agreed and we hung up.
I changed out of my pajama pants (so much for my relaxing evening) and whipped the car out of the garage. I drove to Hot Springs with my flashers on, and Bethany's terrified voice echoing in my ears. Thankfully, I am not someone who "freaks out" easily, and I am able to remain calm even when I'm extremely worried about something. This ability has served me well over the last few years! I arrived at the emergency room at the same time they did, and hugged her in the parking lot. She was scared and completely and totally disoriented. She had no idea why we were going to the hospital or what had happened to her. We got her checked in, while she asked me questions like, "I've been out of town, right?", "Did I miss school today?", and "Am I on break?", all through tears.
As we sat in the waiting room and then later went to a room, she began to calm down a little bit. She showed off her new "watch" (her hospital bracelet!), told all the nurses that she had strep throat, and talked about the dinosaur on her finger (the pulse-ox device). She also insisted that she had been to the eye doctor that day. As far as what had happened to her at the block party, she still had no idea. The doctor recommended a CT scan, which thankfully revealed no bleeding or other problems. After a couple of hours, she was a little more oriented, and they sent us home with a concussion diagnosis, and directions to wake her up every few hours, watch for signs of seizure activity, and to be sure she could move both sides of her body.
OK......With those instructions, I wasn't about to let her out of my sight, so she slept with me that night, while Brad camped out in the guest room. I didn't have to worry about waking her up every few hours, because she basically didn't sleep at all. She talked and talked all night...some of it making sense, and some of it not. By the wee hours of the morning, she finally conked out.
I kept her home from school on Monday, and discovered through our conversations during the course of the day that not only did she not have any memory of the incident the night before, she had very little memory of the events of the last two weeks. She did not remember going to Hannah's grave on her birthday or spending the night with Brittany at the dorm that night. A couple of weeks ago she had hyperextended her big toe in basketball practice and had even been on crutches for a few days...she had no memory of any of that.
On Tuesday, she went back to school with a splitting headache, only to be faced first period with a Trig/Pre-Cal test that she had no memory was coming up. Nor did she have any memory of learning any of the material covered on the test. Needless to say, she bombed the test! On Wednesday morning, she went back to school, only to come home in the early afternoon with a fever of 102 degrees.
We called our doctor, who told us to immediately bring her in. He explained to us the possibility of meningitis occurring after a blow to the head, due to leakage of cerebrospinal fluid. He sent us back over the hospital for another CT scan, which thankfully was good, and did bloodwork, which did not indicate a high white blood cell count, a harbinger of meningitis. So back home we went, with instructions to return the next day for more blood tests.
Her fever was still high on Thursday, her head still pounding, but again her white cell counts were good, so the doctor told us she probably had a very poorly-timed virus, completely unrelated to the concussion she had sustained on Sunday evening. Boy, was he right. Over the next 36 hours, the fever morphed into a full-blown stomach virus, almost sending us back to the ER on Friday night to be treated for dehydration. We decided to give it one more night, and bring her in Saturday morning if she was still sick...but thankfully, she woke up and asked for toast that morning...and things have been on the upswing ever since.
So why am I spilling this whole story to you? I guess it makes me feel better to vent about the week. Like I said, I'm not a "freaker-outter"...I tend to hold my emotions very tightly inside during a crisis situation. And this week felt like one crisis situation after another. Seeing Bethany lying in a hospital bed not making sense, having brain scans done, and wondering what was going to happen next brought back some all-to-familiar feelings. It feels good to let some of that out!
But, in spite of all the nerve-wracking events of the week, some good things came out of it, too. For one thing, we have two clean CT scans of Bethany's brain....a nice reassurance after you've lost a daughter to a brain tumor. It also brought our incredibly busy lives to a grinding halt, and gave us the opportunity to spend some quality time together. Bethany and I had some great conversations this past week, and once the initial crisis passed, we had some really good laughs about her behavior immediately after the concussion. And it was a great reminder of what I talked about in my last post about Glory....that we need to appreciate every moment we have with our loved ones. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
Thankfully, our Savior is with us every step of the way!
It all started with a phone call I received from my husband last Sunday evening. Our Sunday evening schedules are rather crazy...I have handbell practice, my husband is partipating in a study of the book "Radical", and Bethany has been taking part in block parties which have been sponsored by her youth group around the city of Hot Springs. All of these events start and end at different times, so we end up taking three vehicles to church. I had already arrived home and was looking forward to a relaxing remainder of the evening when I received said phone call.
I knew it was Brad calling by the ring tone, but when I said "Hello", all I could hear was a bunch of commotion in the background. As I was trying to piece together what I was hearing, he said, "Hey, Bethany hit her head at the block party, and she's kind of confused." About that time I figured out what the commotion was...It was Bethany, crying, and saying, "What's going on? What's happening to me?" After a few seconds of this, I told him to bring her to the hospital, and that I would meet them there. He quickly agreed and we hung up.
I changed out of my pajama pants (so much for my relaxing evening) and whipped the car out of the garage. I drove to Hot Springs with my flashers on, and Bethany's terrified voice echoing in my ears. Thankfully, I am not someone who "freaks out" easily, and I am able to remain calm even when I'm extremely worried about something. This ability has served me well over the last few years! I arrived at the emergency room at the same time they did, and hugged her in the parking lot. She was scared and completely and totally disoriented. She had no idea why we were going to the hospital or what had happened to her. We got her checked in, while she asked me questions like, "I've been out of town, right?", "Did I miss school today?", and "Am I on break?", all through tears.
As we sat in the waiting room and then later went to a room, she began to calm down a little bit. She showed off her new "watch" (her hospital bracelet!), told all the nurses that she had strep throat, and talked about the dinosaur on her finger (the pulse-ox device). She also insisted that she had been to the eye doctor that day. As far as what had happened to her at the block party, she still had no idea. The doctor recommended a CT scan, which thankfully revealed no bleeding or other problems. After a couple of hours, she was a little more oriented, and they sent us home with a concussion diagnosis, and directions to wake her up every few hours, watch for signs of seizure activity, and to be sure she could move both sides of her body.
OK......With those instructions, I wasn't about to let her out of my sight, so she slept with me that night, while Brad camped out in the guest room. I didn't have to worry about waking her up every few hours, because she basically didn't sleep at all. She talked and talked all night...some of it making sense, and some of it not. By the wee hours of the morning, she finally conked out.
I kept her home from school on Monday, and discovered through our conversations during the course of the day that not only did she not have any memory of the incident the night before, she had very little memory of the events of the last two weeks. She did not remember going to Hannah's grave on her birthday or spending the night with Brittany at the dorm that night. A couple of weeks ago she had hyperextended her big toe in basketball practice and had even been on crutches for a few days...she had no memory of any of that.
On Tuesday, she went back to school with a splitting headache, only to be faced first period with a Trig/Pre-Cal test that she had no memory was coming up. Nor did she have any memory of learning any of the material covered on the test. Needless to say, she bombed the test! On Wednesday morning, she went back to school, only to come home in the early afternoon with a fever of 102 degrees.
We called our doctor, who told us to immediately bring her in. He explained to us the possibility of meningitis occurring after a blow to the head, due to leakage of cerebrospinal fluid. He sent us back over the hospital for another CT scan, which thankfully was good, and did bloodwork, which did not indicate a high white blood cell count, a harbinger of meningitis. So back home we went, with instructions to return the next day for more blood tests.
Her fever was still high on Thursday, her head still pounding, but again her white cell counts were good, so the doctor told us she probably had a very poorly-timed virus, completely unrelated to the concussion she had sustained on Sunday evening. Boy, was he right. Over the next 36 hours, the fever morphed into a full-blown stomach virus, almost sending us back to the ER on Friday night to be treated for dehydration. We decided to give it one more night, and bring her in Saturday morning if she was still sick...but thankfully, she woke up and asked for toast that morning...and things have been on the upswing ever since.
So why am I spilling this whole story to you? I guess it makes me feel better to vent about the week. Like I said, I'm not a "freaker-outter"...I tend to hold my emotions very tightly inside during a crisis situation. And this week felt like one crisis situation after another. Seeing Bethany lying in a hospital bed not making sense, having brain scans done, and wondering what was going to happen next brought back some all-to-familiar feelings. It feels good to let some of that out!
But, in spite of all the nerve-wracking events of the week, some good things came out of it, too. For one thing, we have two clean CT scans of Bethany's brain....a nice reassurance after you've lost a daughter to a brain tumor. It also brought our incredibly busy lives to a grinding halt, and gave us the opportunity to spend some quality time together. Bethany and I had some great conversations this past week, and once the initial crisis passed, we had some really good laughs about her behavior immediately after the concussion. And it was a great reminder of what I talked about in my last post about Glory....that we need to appreciate every moment we have with our loved ones. Life can change in the blink of an eye.
Thankfully, our Savior is with us every step of the way!
Friday, October 28, 2011
A Visit with Glory Girl!
If you've been following my blog for the last few months, you've already "met" Glory, a precious little girl who was born with extensive heart problems. She has spent most of her 15 months in the CVICU at Arkansas Children's Hospital, with just a few months at home (actually a place they've rented near the hospital). This picture was taken the day before she had her most recent heart surgery. Is that not one of the most precious faces you've ever seen?
Well, I had never actually met Glory or her mom, except online, and decided that a workshop in Little Rock on Monday would give me the perfect opportunity to stop by for a visit. I was nervous about going...after all, I had not been back in the main part of Children's Hospital since the day I left there for the last time with Hannah. And I was afraid I would be in the way...I knew that Glory had had a lot of complications since her last surgery and had been running a high fever for the last couple of days. And I'm an introvert by nature...meeting new people is really not my thing. I wasn't really sure why I was going...just that I really wanted to meet this mother/daughter pair who has inspired me so much.
Turns out that my fears were completely unfounded. Glory's mom, Kerry, immediately put me at ease. We hit it off as if we'd know each other all our lives. Once again, I experienced that bond that forms between believers who have walked similar roads. We talked about what it's like to become isolated from the world as you spend weeks beside your child's hospital bed, what it's like to not have any idea what the next day (or the next minute) holds, and what it's like to be a parent of a child who has an uncertain future.
We both agreed that even when life seems to be spinning completely out of control, there is peace to be found in trusting the Lord. And then she said something that most people could never possibly understand. She said something along the lines of, "Sometimes I look at my life and I wonder how in the world I got here (gesturing at the ICU room around us), and sometimes I look at my life and feel like I'm the luckiest person in the world."
Here we were, standing beside her little Glory, who has tubes and monitors running from every conceivable spot on her body, burning up with fever, and she says she feels like the luckiest person in the world? How can she say that? I think (and I don't mean to put words in her mouth), but I think it's because she has been given The Gift. The Gift of appreciation. The Gift of opened eyes. The Gift of awareness. Appreciation of every moment with those you love. Eyes that have been opened to the beautiful things of life (even in the middle of ugliness). Awareness of the things that are truly important and an ability to see beyond those things that are not. When you have The Gift, it is possible to feel like you are the luckiest person in the world, even when circumstances would make that seem impossible. Thank you, Kerry, for that reminder.
Here is Glory today, with her Halloween bow in her hair. I felt so fortunate that while I was there on Monday, she woke up and smiled at me repeatedly -- a total stranger to her -- giving me several peeks of that little sticky-outy tongue even through all the tape and tubes. She's a sweet, happy baby, completely unaware that her life is any different from any other fifteen-month-old. She is loved, and she knows it.
Her life is different, however. As her name indicates, her life brings glory to God. Her smile and her Mom's smile are proof of His love and faithfulness. And that's why Glory's mom can say that she's the luckiest person in the world.
"But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of my head." Psalm 3:3
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Tell About It Tuesday -- "While We're Waiting Weekend" for Bereaved Parents
Our next "While We're Waiting Weekend" is almost upon us, and we couldn't be more excited about it. And here's the amazing thing ... we were actually on the verge of postponing the weekend until the spring because we didn't have as many couples coming as we had hoped for. In fact, our leadership team got together Sunday afternoon, prayed about that very thing, and decided to give it 24 hours, just to see how we felt that the Lord was leading us. Well, less than 24 hours later, we had a widowed mom who has lost a son ask to come, and then today we had another couple sign up. So, we took that as our answer from God ... the weekend is on! And I honestly will not be surprised if we are completely filled up by the time we start on the evening of November 4th! Forgive us, Lord, for trying to take it out of Your hands!
Following our first couples' retreat in April, I wrote a post telling all about it and shared a whole bunch of pictures. To see that post, click here. If you read that post, you'll see how much fun we had that weekend. Yes, I did say "fun". It doesn't seem possible that a group of strangers, who get together to talk about losing their children, could possibly have fun, but that's exactly what we did. Sure, there were some tears over the course of the weekend, but they were cleansing tears, healing tears. The tears and the laughter we shared that weekend formed bonds between us that remain strong even today.
I'll close tonight's post by sharing what some of our last WWWW attendees had to say about the weekend. And we do still have a few openings for the upcoming retreat, which will be November 4-6, beginning around 5:00 on Friday evening, and ending around 10:00 on Sunday morning. Go to our website for more information or to register.
"I have never felt so connected to a group of people I didn't know. Our personal storms of losing a child had a unique way of bonding us together. It was refreshing to be around people that truly knew how we felt. To hear that others had the same questions we did and faced some of the same problems, it was great to know we weren't alone. From losing a child months ago to several years ago, It was great to see and hear how we can choose to see the good and continue to live by Fully Relying On God and each other! A GREAT weekend with GREAT strides towards healing." -Leightyn's Dad, Fort Smith, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"I am just so thankful that God gave you two the strength and courage to put this past weekend together!! I know you don't take the credit but I just want to you share with you how much it has changed my views on my life. This weekend enabled me to really grieve the loss of our little girl. God is truly amazing. The WWWW was structured in the perfect way to allow each and every couple a chance to share their own story of their loss of their child. It was inviting and peaceful. God was there each and every minute giving us the strength to share with others the most intimate details that we might not share with everyone. I did not want to go to bed at night but wanted to keep on talking to everyone. We made some life long friendships and connections that only God could have ordained. He was more evident in that 45 hours of being together than any other time that I can recall. This platform was awesome. It was facilitated smoothly and I just know that God has so much more to unveil in the future WWWWs. It was a perfect mixture of sharing, crying, laughing, talking, and relaxing that we all needed which, of course, God knew. We are forever changed and forever grateful for a loving, powerful, caring God that we all serve." -Lily's Mom, Hot Springs, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"For a long time after the loss of my daughter, Lily, I was convinced that if I were to speak too much about her I would be burdening people with my grief. God knew my heart and I believed that would be enough for me to understand and handle the feelings experienced with the loss. So, sharing my story with a group of people wasn't something I had expected to sign up to do, but apparently my wife did. During the retreat, however, I quickly learned I had been wrong. God had put these people in front of me with their stories, and instead of feeling as if I was burdening them with my pain, I realized these people were a blessing, and were willing to put their shoulders under the weight of my loss. The collective experience of sharing, praying, and teaching each other through our own experience has created an extended family of loving people that can sympathize with me, and for that I thank God (and my wife.) Now, I constantly pray for the families willing to let me into their grief, and for the children we are waiting to see. I am sure my daughter has babysitters in Heaven, and I know I am cared for on earth. The While We're Waiting Weekend was a celebration of the many wonders of God in our lives." -Lily's Dad, Hot Springs, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"As we loaded up the car to head east, if I am honest there were a lot of mixed emotions going on...
1. Malvern Arkansas is 4 1/2 hours away.
2. We were going to be spending the weekend with complete strangers.
3. We knew we was going to be sharing our daughters journey through cancer that hurts so bad.
I will just say in few words that the above statements WERE all true on Friday as we pulled out of the driveway, but if I'm honest all that was proved wrong by the time I went to bed Friday night. The weekend for me personally was amazing and I know God was all in it with each of us. The Family Farm is incredible. MOMMA MAY AND DADDY MAY are some of the most authentic people I have ever met. The weekend was structured well and organized in my eyes perfectly.
Did we cry? Yes
Did we laugh? Yes
Did we rejoice in H O P E? Yes
Did we feel like family? Yes.
We are excited about going to the next WWWW.
Thank you for a great weekend.
Thank you for loving on us.
Thank you for understanding.
My wife and I have been ignited and on fire to bring others H O P E like the WWWW brought us." -Laurren's Dad, Forney, TX, WWWW Spring 2011
"I walked into this retreat feeling numb, empty, struggling with isolation and feeling disconnected from God. As the weekend came to a close, I regained my hope that there is a tomorrow and gained so much wisdom to understand that our children who are now in Heaven WANT US TO HEAL and that we should never waste a storm, even as tragic as this. Such profound words that impacted me so deeply. We walked into the weekend as strangers with not many expectations but we walked away as one large family, forever changed because of the love and grace that only comes from God as Brad and Jill Sullivan opened their lives to us all. The weekend was peaceful, well structured, and every moment of the weekend seemed to refuel my soul and allow me to release so much grief and renew my relationship with Christ. What a powerful, uplifting weekend. Thank you Brad and Jill, and thank you to all the families who held hands to pray together, laugh together, cry together and most importantly, share our faith together to know that there is HOPE in tomorrow. We love and miss you guys." -Laurren's Mom, Forney, Texas, WWWW Spring 2011
Following our first couples' retreat in April, I wrote a post telling all about it and shared a whole bunch of pictures. To see that post, click here. If you read that post, you'll see how much fun we had that weekend. Yes, I did say "fun". It doesn't seem possible that a group of strangers, who get together to talk about losing their children, could possibly have fun, but that's exactly what we did. Sure, there were some tears over the course of the weekend, but they were cleansing tears, healing tears. The tears and the laughter we shared that weekend formed bonds between us that remain strong even today.
I'll close tonight's post by sharing what some of our last WWWW attendees had to say about the weekend. And we do still have a few openings for the upcoming retreat, which will be November 4-6, beginning around 5:00 on Friday evening, and ending around 10:00 on Sunday morning. Go to our website for more information or to register.
"I have never felt so connected to a group of people I didn't know. Our personal storms of losing a child had a unique way of bonding us together. It was refreshing to be around people that truly knew how we felt. To hear that others had the same questions we did and faced some of the same problems, it was great to know we weren't alone. From losing a child months ago to several years ago, It was great to see and hear how we can choose to see the good and continue to live by Fully Relying On God and each other! A GREAT weekend with GREAT strides towards healing." -Leightyn's Dad, Fort Smith, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"I am just so thankful that God gave you two the strength and courage to put this past weekend together!! I know you don't take the credit but I just want to you share with you how much it has changed my views on my life. This weekend enabled me to really grieve the loss of our little girl. God is truly amazing. The WWWW was structured in the perfect way to allow each and every couple a chance to share their own story of their loss of their child. It was inviting and peaceful. God was there each and every minute giving us the strength to share with others the most intimate details that we might not share with everyone. I did not want to go to bed at night but wanted to keep on talking to everyone. We made some life long friendships and connections that only God could have ordained. He was more evident in that 45 hours of being together than any other time that I can recall. This platform was awesome. It was facilitated smoothly and I just know that God has so much more to unveil in the future WWWWs. It was a perfect mixture of sharing, crying, laughing, talking, and relaxing that we all needed which, of course, God knew. We are forever changed and forever grateful for a loving, powerful, caring God that we all serve." -Lily's Mom, Hot Springs, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"For a long time after the loss of my daughter, Lily, I was convinced that if I were to speak too much about her I would be burdening people with my grief. God knew my heart and I believed that would be enough for me to understand and handle the feelings experienced with the loss. So, sharing my story with a group of people wasn't something I had expected to sign up to do, but apparently my wife did. During the retreat, however, I quickly learned I had been wrong. God had put these people in front of me with their stories, and instead of feeling as if I was burdening them with my pain, I realized these people were a blessing, and were willing to put their shoulders under the weight of my loss. The collective experience of sharing, praying, and teaching each other through our own experience has created an extended family of loving people that can sympathize with me, and for that I thank God (and my wife.) Now, I constantly pray for the families willing to let me into their grief, and for the children we are waiting to see. I am sure my daughter has babysitters in Heaven, and I know I am cared for on earth. The While We're Waiting Weekend was a celebration of the many wonders of God in our lives." -Lily's Dad, Hot Springs, Arkansas, WWWW Spring 2011
"As we loaded up the car to head east, if I am honest there were a lot of mixed emotions going on...
1. Malvern Arkansas is 4 1/2 hours away.
2. We were going to be spending the weekend with complete strangers.
3. We knew we was going to be sharing our daughters journey through cancer that hurts so bad.
I will just say in few words that the above statements WERE all true on Friday as we pulled out of the driveway, but if I'm honest all that was proved wrong by the time I went to bed Friday night. The weekend for me personally was amazing and I know God was all in it with each of us. The Family Farm is incredible. MOMMA MAY AND DADDY MAY are some of the most authentic people I have ever met. The weekend was structured well and organized in my eyes perfectly.
Did we cry? Yes
Did we laugh? Yes
Did we rejoice in H O P E? Yes
Did we feel like family? Yes.
We are excited about going to the next WWWW.
Thank you for a great weekend.
Thank you for loving on us.
Thank you for understanding.
My wife and I have been ignited and on fire to bring others H O P E like the WWWW brought us." -Laurren's Dad, Forney, TX, WWWW Spring 2011
"I walked into this retreat feeling numb, empty, struggling with isolation and feeling disconnected from God. As the weekend came to a close, I regained my hope that there is a tomorrow and gained so much wisdom to understand that our children who are now in Heaven WANT US TO HEAL and that we should never waste a storm, even as tragic as this. Such profound words that impacted me so deeply. We walked into the weekend as strangers with not many expectations but we walked away as one large family, forever changed because of the love and grace that only comes from God as Brad and Jill Sullivan opened their lives to us all. The weekend was peaceful, well structured, and every moment of the weekend seemed to refuel my soul and allow me to release so much grief and renew my relationship with Christ. What a powerful, uplifting weekend. Thank you Brad and Jill, and thank you to all the families who held hands to pray together, laugh together, cry together and most importantly, share our faith together to know that there is HOPE in tomorrow. We love and miss you guys." -Laurren's Mom, Forney, Texas, WWWW Spring 2011
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Dear Hannah Joy...
Dear Hannah My Joy,
Whew! We've made it through another birthday without you here. This year, we've been so incredibly busy, I honestly didn't have time to really think much about your upcoming birthday until the night before. It's not like it used to be, you know, when I thought about it for weeks in advance ... planning a party, inviting your friends, choosing just the right gifts that I knew you'd love ... I haven't shopped for your birthday for three years now. And I can't help but remember your 17th birthday. The doctor had already told us that there was a less than five percent chance you'd ever see your 18th birthday. How unreal it was to buy birthday gifts for you that year, knowing what the doctor had said, while still praying for a miracle!
We spent the day yesterday doing things we knew you would enjoy. I made your all-time favorite birthday cake -- Mississippi Mud -- and we had tacos, cheese dip, and cake while we watched the Razorbacks beat Ole Miss. I know you remember Houston Nutt ... he's coaching for Ole Miss now, and the Hogs coach is Bobby Petrino. I think you'd really enjoy watching the Razorbacks this year. They're ranked 9th in the nation, and their quarterback is pretty cute! :)
When the Hogs finally put the game away in the fourth quarter, we headed to Briggsville. We were so happy to have Brittany come along with us this year. You'd be so proud of Brittany. She is a sophomore at Ouachita now, and is a speech pathology major. She pledged Tri Chi last spring, and was in Tiger Tunes this year. She really misses you, though, and I know she wishes you were her roommate, like you two had always planned. Anyway, she had never been to Briggsville before, so after we spent some time at your grave, we took a four-wheeler ride and gave her a tour of the whole place. We took her by all the deer stands, and down to the Rock Hole. It was really a pretty evening for late October, but the gnats were terrible! We figured out pretty quick that we didn't need to try to talk to each other while we were riding, if you know what I mean!
Whew! We've made it through another birthday without you here. This year, we've been so incredibly busy, I honestly didn't have time to really think much about your upcoming birthday until the night before. It's not like it used to be, you know, when I thought about it for weeks in advance ... planning a party, inviting your friends, choosing just the right gifts that I knew you'd love ... I haven't shopped for your birthday for three years now. And I can't help but remember your 17th birthday. The doctor had already told us that there was a less than five percent chance you'd ever see your 18th birthday. How unreal it was to buy birthday gifts for you that year, knowing what the doctor had said, while still praying for a miracle!
We spent the day yesterday doing things we knew you would enjoy. I made your all-time favorite birthday cake -- Mississippi Mud -- and we had tacos, cheese dip, and cake while we watched the Razorbacks beat Ole Miss. I know you remember Houston Nutt ... he's coaching for Ole Miss now, and the Hogs coach is Bobby Petrino. I think you'd really enjoy watching the Razorbacks this year. They're ranked 9th in the nation, and their quarterback is pretty cute! :)
When the Hogs finally put the game away in the fourth quarter, we headed to Briggsville. We were so happy to have Brittany come along with us this year. You'd be so proud of Brittany. She is a sophomore at Ouachita now, and is a speech pathology major. She pledged Tri Chi last spring, and was in Tiger Tunes this year. She really misses you, though, and I know she wishes you were her roommate, like you two had always planned. Anyway, she had never been to Briggsville before, so after we spent some time at your grave, we took a four-wheeler ride and gave her a tour of the whole place. We took her by all the deer stands, and down to the Rock Hole. It was really a pretty evening for late October, but the gnats were terrible! We figured out pretty quick that we didn't need to try to talk to each other while we were riding, if you know what I mean!
Last night I read over the letter I wrote to you last year on your birthday. So much has happened since then! Let me get you caught up just a little bit....
Remember last year, when I told you that you'd have to look up to Bethany now...that she was 5'10" tall? Well, she is now an even six feet, and still growing. Who would've thought it when she was such a little thing for so long? Comes in handy for basketball and track, though! They should have a great basketball season this year. I know you'd love watching her play! She has her driver's license now, and we got her a cute little 2006 Honda Civic that she drives all over the place. She got her letter jacket and ordered her class ring a few weeks ago. I'll never forget the day you got your letter jacket and ordered your class ring ... that was the same day we found out your cancer had returned with a vengeance. I have to say it's been a little weird going through all the "junior in high school" experiences with her, when your junior year of high school was so out of the ordinary. You'd be very proud of Bethany. She's had to grow up fast, and she misses you terribly. There are times that a girl just needs her sister to talk to -- Mom just won't do. She's really had to learn to depend on the Lord.
Dad and I have become very close to Larry and Janice Brown, who lost their son, Adam, in Afghanistan about a year after you went to Heaven. I imagine you and Adam have already become acquainted. I bet he's a great guy....I'm really looking forward to meeting him someday myself. Anyway, we believe God has put us together with the Browns for a reason. We have started hosting weekend retreats for bereaved parents, and we call them "While We're Waiting" Weekends. We've had a couples' retreat, a dads' retreat, and two special moms' days. We absolutely love hosting these events, where we parents have an opportunity to share about our children, discuss our common experiences and emotions, and talk about how we're going to live for the Lord while we're waiting to be reunited with you all.
We also spend a lot of time just visiting with parents who have lost children, whether they come to retreats or not...we just really enjoy talking to other moms and dads who have experienced what we have. I always feel like when we meet bereaved parents here on earth, that you meet their children in Heaven. I don't know if that's true or not, but I like to imagine that it is. And if it is true, then just in the past year you've met Zane, Leightyn, Timothy, Lily, Laurren, Robert, Zach, Kaitlyn, Matt, Michael, Ann, Vicki, Joel, Hudson, Glendon, Charly, Eric, Trina, Lauren, Morgan, Maddie, Jill, Hope, Gabriel, Lilly, Micah, David, Levi, Lydia, Annabella, and Vincent. Every one of these young lives is precious, and deeply missed by those of us still here on earth.
Back to yesterday...Of course, we miss you every day, but we REALLY missed you yesterday. Visiting your grave is NOT how we would have chosen to celebrate your twentieth birthday. As beautiful as your gravesite is, it is an extremely poor substitute for your physical presence. I still find very little peace at that rocky mound.
But I know that you are not there...and for that I am so thankful! How could I ever walk away from that spot if I didn't have that assurance? And in spite of the grief that still dogs my every step and colors my every thought, I know that there are good things yet to come in this life ... things to look forward to and enjoy ... joys to experience and life to live ... all while looking ahead to the day when the waiting will be over and we'll be together for eternity. Can't wait for that day, sweetheart!
I Love You,
Mom
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Tell About It Tuesday -- "WWWW for Dads" Report
Well, the first "While We're Waiting Weekend for Dads" is in the book, and from all accounts, it was a huge success. The guys all arrived at the farmhouse in Briggsville on Friday evening after work, and things officially kicked off with a huge country breakfast on Saturday morning. They spent the day sharing their kids' stories...
...riding 4-wheelers, finding arrowheads, and sitting around the pond eating lunch and talking...
...climbing up in deer stands and taking pictures of wildlife (sorry, don't have any of those to share); and then having a steak dinner waiting for them when they got back to the house. Brad's dad and brother did a great job of cooking for the guys and waiting on them throughout the weekend.
After dinner, I'm told they stayed up until nearly midnight discussing various topics they all face as Dads who have lost children. The weekend wrapped up on Sunday morning, with a time of reflection on how they can live their lives for the Lord while they're waiting to be reunited with their children in Heaven.
What an awesome group of Dads...Dads who love and miss their children and are traveling a road they would never have chosen to travel, but who are determined to honor their kids and their Lord by living with purpose while they're waiting!
**The next "While We're Waiting Weekend for Dads" is scheduled for May 4-6, 2012. Click here for more information or to register!**
Monday, October 10, 2011
Ten on the Tenth -- 10 Things My Parents Did Right
In honor of my parents' 52nd wedding anniversary, which happens to be today, I've decided to dedicate this month's Ten on the Tenth post to the things they did right while raising my two brothers and me. Now, let me hasten to say that when I was a kid, I wasn't so sure that they were doing all of these things right. In fact, I was pretty sure they were dead wrong on a couple of these! But with age comes wisdom, right? And as I've been a parent myself for nearly twenty years now, I've realized that they actually were right about a lot of things. So, without further ado ... Ten Things My Parents Did Right.
1. They had us at church every time the doors were open. There was never a question about whether or not we were going to church ... it was just understood that we were going. My love for the body of Christ was developed through all that time spent in the pews as a child.
2. They gave us freedom to roam as children. We always lived in country settings, and I would head outside in the morning, come in for some lunch, and head back out until nearly dark. I would ride my bike for miles, wander through the woods, build forts out of sticks, make cities out of mud, swim, paddle our canoe around, catch turtles, or play on the balance beam my brother fashioned out of a fallen tree. To my knowledge, they never worried about me, and I had absolutely no fear of being kidnapped or being accosted by a sexual predator. Yes, that was a different time, but I think the children of today have missed out on so much because we have tended to over-protect them and even made them afraid to explore on their own. Sadly, that's sometimes necessary these days.
3. We ate supper together as a family nearly every night, and we almost always had dessert! Even as we got into our busy teenage years, I still remember us sitting down together as a family to eat together several times a week. Going out to eat was an extremely special and uncommon treat, and fast food was rarely a substitute for a home-cooked meal.
4. They limited our TV viewing. Of course, we only got three channels through most of my growing-up years, but there were several shows that were off-limits in our home ... Three's Company, The Love Boat, even Bewitched come to mind. Of course, I was too busy playing outside to really care too much about TV!
5. They encouraged us to fight our own battles. If there was some sort of conflict with a classmate, a teacher, a boss, whoever...they did not immediately step in and intervene on our behalf. They encouraged us to work it out, to solve it on our own. In my opinion, too many parents today try to "fix" everything for their kids, never allowing them the freedom to try and possibly fail, learning valuable lessons from those failures.
6. They encouraged us to get jobs in high school. I started working at a real estate office stuffing envelopes when I was fourteen years old. I worked there all through high school and even worked there in the summers while I was in college. Even after I got married, I worked there on occasion. I loved earning my own money and the independence that gave me. It also taught me the value of a dollar and the importance of saving money for what I wanted.
7. They made us buy our own cars. Because of the $3.35 an hour I was pulling in at the real estate office, I was able to put some money down and make monthly payments on a 1977 Chevy Monza. What a car! It was sporty-looking, midnight blue, had a very temperamental fuel pump, and it was all mine! I loved it.
8. They taught us to respect adults. We always called our parents' friends "Mr. or Mrs. Last Name"...Never "Ms. Jill" or "Mr. Brad". Not that there's anything particularly wrong with that, and I do think that type of address is more typical of the southern culture than the north woods of Wisconsin where we grew up. But I do feel that the formality of addressing adults that way encouraged us to respect our elders.
9. They taught us to tell the truth. I will always remember when I told a lie in Kindergarten that rapidly spread out of control. When I finally confessed my transgression to my parents, my mother personally brought me to each person who was involved, including my teacher, and had me tearfully confess the truth to them. That was a lesson I never forgot.
10. Finally, they demonstrated what a good marriage is all about. For fifty-two years, they've faithfully upheld their marriage vows, while they've raised three children, moved residences across the country, owned a variety of businesses, had a brush with breast cancer, sent one son off to Indonesia, and lost their oldest granddaughter. Through all the changes over the years, their relationship has remained constant. We never had to wonder if our parents were going to stay together like many of our friends did. We knew they would always be together...and they still are.
So, there you have it...Ten Things My Parents Did Right. No, they didn't do everything right, and Brad and I certainly don't either. None of us do. But if God is at the center of your marriage, I think you're going to do a lot more right than you do wrong. So I guess that makes 11 things my parents did right!
1. They had us at church every time the doors were open. There was never a question about whether or not we were going to church ... it was just understood that we were going. My love for the body of Christ was developed through all that time spent in the pews as a child.
2. They gave us freedom to roam as children. We always lived in country settings, and I would head outside in the morning, come in for some lunch, and head back out until nearly dark. I would ride my bike for miles, wander through the woods, build forts out of sticks, make cities out of mud, swim, paddle our canoe around, catch turtles, or play on the balance beam my brother fashioned out of a fallen tree. To my knowledge, they never worried about me, and I had absolutely no fear of being kidnapped or being accosted by a sexual predator. Yes, that was a different time, but I think the children of today have missed out on so much because we have tended to over-protect them and even made them afraid to explore on their own. Sadly, that's sometimes necessary these days.
3. We ate supper together as a family nearly every night, and we almost always had dessert! Even as we got into our busy teenage years, I still remember us sitting down together as a family to eat together several times a week. Going out to eat was an extremely special and uncommon treat, and fast food was rarely a substitute for a home-cooked meal.
4. They limited our TV viewing. Of course, we only got three channels through most of my growing-up years, but there were several shows that were off-limits in our home ... Three's Company, The Love Boat, even Bewitched come to mind. Of course, I was too busy playing outside to really care too much about TV!
5. They encouraged us to fight our own battles. If there was some sort of conflict with a classmate, a teacher, a boss, whoever...they did not immediately step in and intervene on our behalf. They encouraged us to work it out, to solve it on our own. In my opinion, too many parents today try to "fix" everything for their kids, never allowing them the freedom to try and possibly fail, learning valuable lessons from those failures.
6. They encouraged us to get jobs in high school. I started working at a real estate office stuffing envelopes when I was fourteen years old. I worked there all through high school and even worked there in the summers while I was in college. Even after I got married, I worked there on occasion. I loved earning my own money and the independence that gave me. It also taught me the value of a dollar and the importance of saving money for what I wanted.
7. They made us buy our own cars. Because of the $3.35 an hour I was pulling in at the real estate office, I was able to put some money down and make monthly payments on a 1977 Chevy Monza. What a car! It was sporty-looking, midnight blue, had a very temperamental fuel pump, and it was all mine! I loved it.
8. They taught us to respect adults. We always called our parents' friends "Mr. or Mrs. Last Name"...Never "Ms. Jill" or "Mr. Brad". Not that there's anything particularly wrong with that, and I do think that type of address is more typical of the southern culture than the north woods of Wisconsin where we grew up. But I do feel that the formality of addressing adults that way encouraged us to respect our elders.
9. They taught us to tell the truth. I will always remember when I told a lie in Kindergarten that rapidly spread out of control. When I finally confessed my transgression to my parents, my mother personally brought me to each person who was involved, including my teacher, and had me tearfully confess the truth to them. That was a lesson I never forgot.
10. Finally, they demonstrated what a good marriage is all about. For fifty-two years, they've faithfully upheld their marriage vows, while they've raised three children, moved residences across the country, owned a variety of businesses, had a brush with breast cancer, sent one son off to Indonesia, and lost their oldest granddaughter. Through all the changes over the years, their relationship has remained constant. We never had to wonder if our parents were going to stay together like many of our friends did. We knew they would always be together...and they still are.
So, there you have it...Ten Things My Parents Did Right. No, they didn't do everything right, and Brad and I certainly don't either. None of us do. But if God is at the center of your marriage, I think you're going to do a lot more right than you do wrong. So I guess that makes 11 things my parents did right!
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